Two unconditional conditions
Condition #1
You need to get back into a state of unconditional acceptance of your child. There should be absolute certainty in his already analytical head that you love him unconditionally. What it is? That means no strings attached! No matter what grades he gets, how he behaves at school, how well he keeps his room in order, and how often he washes his hands. In his soul, even on the horizon, the thought should not appear that because of the fourth "troika" in mathematics, his mother will love him less. And so that he knows about it, it makes sense to find the appropriate words and bring this thought to his consciousness. Believe me, as soon as such confidence settles in the child’s head, it will become much easier to negotiate with him.
Your child is already familiar with the state of unconditional love - most children experience this love in the so-called "pre-evaluative" period of their existence, i.e. in infancy. But the more the child grows up, the more demands are placed on him... The stage of endless admiration for all his actions is replaced by another stage: his actions begin to be evaluated.
Condition #2
The second important condition for the application of punishments in relation to the child is the presence of encouragement, praise. Contrary to the opinion of many, it is almost impossible to overpraise a child. Just like petting a cat. Any living being will always be pleased with "stroking" (praise and approval). The reason for unwanted and destructive behavior in children is very often the lack of the right amount of praise. Surprised? Let's figure it out.
The belt is not a parenting method
Alexander Oleshko: "One bang - and psychodrama for life"
As a child, my mother enveloped me with such love, such attention, such an incredible caress, such a magical world that the only time she took a belt in her hand was a tragedy for her. I remember how she sat for an hour, whispering: "Mom can't beat children!"
After the first class, she brought me to Moscow for good grades, exemplary behavior. At the "Children's World" I did something wrong. She sat down... I sat down next to her and said: "But you won't punish me, because a mother can't beat her children!" It was, one might say, my first parody.
I had some absolutely trusting, warm relationship with her. Sometimes I even wanted her to hit me, or something. Instead of two, three hours explaining that this is bad, this is good. It was so difficult for me! I thought: "Lord, but someone just!". Bach - and that's it, and went. But this one “bang”, even once in a lifetime, is capable of inflicting a psychotrauma on a child, which turns into his psychodrama for life.
I know a woman who remembers all her life how her mother hit her because she swept the garbage in the wrong way ... She cannot forgive her!
It's horrible. It's like swallowing a nail and eating, talking, loving and everything else with this nail all your life. So, parents, cancel this rather primitive, painful and, in principle, useless way of education.
Ekaterina Strizhenova: "I envied my friend who was beaten by her parents"
My parents never beat me. And I, frankly, envied my school friend Tatyana (we still meet). She was beaten for bad grades, for any faults. I envied her. “How cool!” It seemed to me. “They gave you a belt and went for a walk.” I have always been put at the negotiating table. With their sentimental conversations, my parents put pressure on my conscience. It was such a measure of responsibility! You just couldn't do wrong.
Quite early, my husband Sasha began to take care of me. Once my mother found his cigarettes in my jacket. She looked at me like that! .. I said: "Mom, these are not mine." And she didn't have a shadow of a doubt. By the way, I still don't smoke. This is true: if a child is trusted, if he is treated as an adult, independent person, he tries very hard not to let his parents down. I don't know how, to be honest with you. Because I have two daughters. I'm afraid that if I lifted the belt on them (laughs), I wouldn't be sitting here. My husband is madly in love with his girls - Alexandra and Anastasia ... These are the main women in his life, in addition to his mother and wife.
Of course, everything comes from the family - the norms of behavior, the boundaries of what is permitted and what is not permitted. We see the attitude of mother to father, father to mother, parents to themselves. And we build our lives accordingly. Therefore, we must not allow the belt as a method of education to continue to roam from generation to generation.
As a rule, parents praise their children much less often than scold them. When your child behaves well (for example, quietly and peacefully builds a city from a designer) and does not interfere with you doing your own business, you do not run into the room and start praising him for it. But if he fires a pistol at the window, your reaction will be immediate. That is, in the case of his good behavior, you simply do not pay attention to him, and in the case of bad behavior, you pay and how! And the child is important and needs your attention. And if in his experience there is no (or very little) experience when he is paid attention to for his good behavior, then the only way to get it immediately remains ... That's right, bad behavior.
Another negative consequence of the lack of praise for good deeds is the fading of motivation to do good! Let's say a child studied in the first grade with almost one "five". Parents got used to it and began to take it for granted. And now the child brings a “four” or, God forbid, a “three” ... From the side of the parents, a violent reaction and even punishment immediately follow. Where's the justice? Why do most parents tend to rate the bad rather than the good?
Only if you agree to accept the two conditions described above, you can talk about punishments. Again, everyone must build on a foundation of unconditional love and the right amount of praise and approval.
Bilateral agreement
When the child is 8-9 years old, it makes sense to discuss and agree with him on the rules of behavior and punishments. Jointly developed agreements are easier for the baby to follow. Include in your set of rules and punishments for adult family members. For example, if you did not fulfill your promise (did not read a fairy tale before going to bed, etc.), then ...
Fairly, consistently, with love...
Unfortunately, it is impossible to do without punishment at all. But in order to minimize the cases when it is required, parents (educators) must strictly adhere to ... the basic rules of punishment.
Punishment must be fair
Here is a fairly typical situation. On the way to school, the child took off his hat in cold weather. Mom, seeing this through the window, reprimands him and demands that he put on a hat. The child agrees. The next day the situation repeats itself. But this time, seeing the child without a hat, the indignant mother raises her voice at him, says offensive words, and as a punishment does not let him go for a walk after school. From the side, the mother's behavior looks quite logical. She worries about the health of her baby and punishes him by depriving him of the opportunity to go outside.
Whether this punishment is just or not depends on one detail. If in the previous (first situation) the mother simply pointed out to the child the need to put on a hat, and now punishes him by taking it off again, this will be offensive and unfair for the baby. It will be fair if, after the first incident, a conversation took place between them, in which the mother "announced the rules of the game." As an option: if I sent you to school in a hat, then you can’t take it off yourself (without my special permission); if you do this, I won't let you go for a walk in the yard in the evening. And even better, if the requirement is supported by an explanation to the baby, what is the reason for the need to walk in the winter in a hat and why the mother will have to punish him if this requirement is violated. It is important that the child understands the essence of what is happening, and not just fulfill the request of the mother and put on a hat. It is not necessary to count on the fact that his thinking is already sufficiently mature and that he will draw the necessary conclusion on his own.
Use "I-statements"
A great way to reduce the intensity of conflict is to use "I-statements". "I-statements" are when you instead of accusing the child, starting with the word "you" (you behave ugly, you scattered toys, you made me angry), talk only about your feelings. "It bothers me a lot that the TV is so loud", "I'm worried that it's already evening, and the lessons have not been done yet", "I'm very upset because of your deuce", "I'm worried when..." This magical way has an amazing effect on children. Any accusation forces to defend and resist. And by using "I-statements", you stop blaming the child. You tell your child about your feelings. And in most cases, such information serves as a signal to him that his beloved mother or beloved father is suffering. Believe me, a child who loves you does not want to cause you suffering, therefore, with such a motivation, a change in behavior; happen much faster.
A punished child should not feel deprived of parental love.
This is perhaps the most difficult rule to implement. In order to implement it, you need to talk more with the child and spare no time to explain why this or that act is bad, why it should not be done. Do not punish a child for the first time committed a negative act. This should be done only if the child is already informed that he will be punished for such behavior.
Parental requirements must be consistent.
Do not shout at me
Sometimes parents express their dissatisfaction and indignation at the child's act by "simply" yelling at him. For some reason, such "self-expression" of parents is not considered a punishment: after all, there is only a cry, there are no requirements and sanctions. Meanwhile, the child perceives the parental cry as a punishment, experiencing the same, if not greater, emotional overload as in other forms of it.
Pavel Sokolov: "It will be more severe than a belt!"
You know, I will still send my belt for eternal storage in a special stock chest. With all the ensuing consequences. Although, to be honest, I think that it is very difficult to manage children under five years old. This should be done by specially trained people. Children, sometimes, can be annoying, really very seriously annoying.
I will say about my childhood that I did not receive a belt from my dad. Although once he could: he had already removed it from himself. I screamed that it hurt a lot: "Dad, don't! I saw on TV that you shouldn't do that!" He was frightened of my cry, took the belt away, but still hit me with his palm, after which I understood everything.
But at school I got a pointer on the head from the teacher. When I fidgeted a lot. But I somehow translated everything into a joke. As a result, the whole class began to laugh, and the teacher, by the way, too ...
Why, tell me, do adults engage in assault? You need to be able to negotiate with your child. Say, for example, to him: "You have five minutes to play on the computer." Or, on the contrary, as a punishment (more severe than a belt, it will be!) To take away from him the opportunity to play on a computer.
Example 1
The girl loves to play with her mother's makeup. Usually she gets scolded for it. But if the mother is passionate about correspondence on the Internet, then rummaging through her mother's bag is allowed - as long as she does not interfere! It is logical to assume that, being punished for examining a cosmetic bag (when her mother is not busy with a computer), the girl will experience resentment and perceive everything as injustice.
Example 2
A tired, irritated father, having come home from work, attacks his son for toys scattered on the floor. At the same time, in other situations, when there is no focus of irritation in his own state, he does not pay any attention to this. Thus, the son suffers because of the internal problems of the father.
In the mind of the child in such situations, confusion arises due to the inconsistent behavior of the parents. There should be no situations in which a child may or may not receive punishment for the same actions. By the way, this also applies to incentive situations. Insults to the personality of the child, sticking "labels" (stupid, stupid, blockhead) are also very important. Remember the old wisdom: whatever you call a yacht, that's how it will float.
How will we educate?
Well, now it's time to get acquainted with what is "in the market of punishments" and tell how this or that type of influence on the child will affect him.
Parents are also different.
All parents, depending on their preferred parenting style, can be divided into two groups:
soft parents
They prefer to raise a child without upsetting him. Such mom and dad seek to develop the desired behavior in children with the help of exhortations and explanations. By virtue of their own characteristics, they cannot bear the role of an enemy for their child, albeit for a very short time.
To the punishments used by this group of parents, even the word itself is not entirely applicable. However, there comes a moment when the child "overflows" and a tolerant mother or father grabs his head, realizing that the previous methods of influencing the child are no longer enough. Often, with this style of upbringing, the child "sits on the neck."
authoritarian parents
They demand complete submission to themselves and, without ceremony, punish children for even the slightest deviations in their behavior. This position is dangerous because it can lead to anger and aggressiveness of the child. Sometimes, within the same family, both models of upbringing are applied to the baby (mother is soft, dad is authoritarian), which, of course, does not lead to anything good. Parents (and everyone related to the upbringing of the child) should agree among themselves on measures to influence the little person, on in what cases what types of punishment will be applied (and which will never be applied!), And strictly observe this agreement.
Disgraceful punishments
They humiliate pride and personal dignity, especially if there is a public discussion of the child's misdeeds. Sooner or later, the hidden aggression and resentment of the baby will break out.
Hanging "labels" and offensive name-calling
It is unacceptable to call a child stupid, rubbish, clumsy, etc. Such words seriously lower his self-esteem and emotionally alienate him from his parents.
Alexander Buinov: "The policy of carrots and sticks does not bring results"
I had a very happy childhood. I'm being serious without humor. But one day my mother decided to give me a "world spanking". I experienced then only humiliation in front of the girls (we lived in a communal apartment on Tishinka). Being in front of them without pants is worse than being beaten with a belt. I will remember this humiliation for the rest of my life. But what I was punished for, I continued to do anyway. Because the belt is not a method of education. Much worse is the psychological trauma.
Everyone has dogs, right? I have been consciously involved in dogs since the age of 13, I even studied at a special school of dog breeders. Now, raising animals is very similar to raising children. The policy of carrot and stick does not bring results. If a dog is beaten, then it grows up to be your secret enemy and someday it will definitely take revenge on you. So are children. If they are beaten with a belt and physically punished, they will then punish their parents when they are weak as children. So, unfortunately, it is not so rare ...
Ignoring
This type of punishment consists in the fact that they don’t notice the guilty child, they don’t talk to him, they avoid making eye contact, they behave as if he isn’t around at all, they talk about him in his presence in the third person. This method is often used by "soft parents" as a last resort. Keep in mind that ignoring is effective only when there is close emotional contact between the child and the parent and the baby is afraid of losing him.
Authoritarian order
Such punishments include the famous "corner" and other types of restriction of children's activity. It makes sense to resort to an authoritarian order in cases of serious violations of the rules of behavior that can lead to serious consequences (for example, injuries). And the child must know in advance what punishments of this kind will follow (for example, fights between children, etc.).
Restricting rights, adding responsibilities
“For two days you are forbidden to play the console”, “today you will not be able to visit Misha”, “tomorrow you will have to vacuum the whole apartment” ... Familiar phrases? Well, they are not forbidden, but it would be better if there is a preliminary agreement with the child about such punishments. For example: "if after the end of the game, you do not clean up the toys, then ..." Or: "if the agreed time spent at the computer is exceeded, then the next day you do not turn it on at all." At the same time, it is important to make your conditions exactly the rules that the child knows about in advance. In the end, he will learn: each time in the event of an undesirable act, certain consequences will occur.
This group also includes punishments associated with depriving the child of any pleasures (for example, dessert if he ate pasta with his hands), or toys (if they were scattered), or going to the movies. However, even here it must be remembered that the baby must be aware of the "rules of the game" and know for what misconduct he can be deprived of pleasure. Children react painfully when the rules "change as the game progresses." They are usually empathetic enough to understand when you are simply looking for an excuse to backtrack on your promise (to go to the movies). To maintain a trusting relationship, it is better to refer to poor health than to start recalling the child's misdeeds.
Rules for Punishment
Don't skip or delay punishment. It must follow immediately after the offense. The child needs to be aware of the unconditionality of the rule you set. Give punishments in a calm voice and in a friendly tone.
Do not use unfounded accusations, the illegality of which a small person cannot protest ("You are the same as your father", "Nothing good will grow out of you", etc.). In such situations, the child feels humiliated, not punished.
Never play on a child's weaknesses - for example, do not leave him locked in a dark bathroom, knowing that he is afraid of the dark. This kind of punishment can cause irreparable damage to his psyche.
physical punishment
This type of punishment makes sense to apply only when all other methods of influence have been exhausted: persuasion, explanation of the unacceptability of the corresponding behavior, depriving the child of any pleasures. It must be clearly understood that physical punishment is unacceptable in relation to adolescents, as well as to children whose undesirable behavior is due to illness (for example, enuresis, hyperactivity syndrome, etc.). Although, by and large, those parents who consider physical impact on any child are unacceptable never and under no circumstances are right.
Count to ten!
Most parents worry if they "broke down" and unfairly punished the child. When they come to their senses, they feel guilty before him. The consequence of this may be gifts, indulgences in the regime and other actions characteristic of a guilty person. You can understand parental outbursts - after all, they are associated not only with the very act of disobedience of the child, but also with their own emotions, state - we are all living people! But anyone can significantly reduce the number of such outbreaks. Try to use the proven method more often - mentally count to 10 before reacting in one way or another to the child’s undesirable behavior. Counting to 10 is approximately 5 seconds. Believe me, a lot can change during this time. Our brain, capable of performing millions of operations per second, will have time to evaluate the meaning of what happened, to be in the shoes of the guilty person and, possibly, choose another action instead of screaming or physical punishment.
It makes sense to learn endurance for one more reason. Children skillfully play on such states of their parents, using their shattered nerves. They know how to skillfully bring dad to the point where he "went too far", knowing that it is necessary to wait for the "explosion". Because after that he goes to the store and brings chips or allows him to watch TV until night. By learning to restrain the first emotions, you will be able to avoid such manipulations by your beloved sons and daughters.
What is forgiveness?
To forgive means that you will never remember your child's misconduct and use it as a "trump card" in further disagreements. The child, before asking for forgiveness, must know exactly what exactly he was guilty of. It's better if he formulates it himself. Therefore, every time a child asks for forgiveness, it is important to ask him a question: what exactly are you asking him for? You may be surprised by the answer ... It is also worth asking the child: "What will you do next time?" When you hear the correct answer, praise. And be prepared to ask your son or daughter for forgiveness yourself, especially if you could not restrain yourself, shouted or used force. Some parents believe that asking for forgiveness from a child is a sign of weakness in front of their children. In fact, by apologizing, you show your strength and set a good example of how it's done.
reed stimulus
In the past century, the discipline and methods of achieving it in Russian school classes seemed strict to society, although they differed significantly from those that were, for example, in England and Germany. This can be judged from the following experiment.
A certain teacher, Mrs. Erikanova from Nizhny Novgorod, was sent by the City Council in 1908 abroad. There she got acquainted with the production of primary education for children. After her business trip, Erikanova told how she was surprised by the unquestioning discipline in the class. The German teacher told her that teachers have a good way to arouse the attention of schoolchildren to the lessons in the lesson.
In each class there were ... reed sticks one and a half to two arshins long, stored in study cabinets. At the right moment, the teacher, without shouting and undue stress, quite calmly showed the stick to the children, after which they all, as one, fell silent and followed his explanations.
There was another simple measure of punishment. The guilty student was put in a corner and left in the classroom after class. The child, naturally, wanted to move, play, walk, and he could only watch his peers, restraining his impulses.
When teaching little Germans, the main thing was the work in the classroom. There were very few homework assignments. During the classes, the children tried very hard, carefully attended educational institutions. If, by chance, there were unauthorized absenteeism, then for this the parents of the students were threatened with a fine. Owners or artisans, whose students were required to go to school, were also subject to a similar fine. In the event that the school fine was not paid (for reasons of principle or lack of money), the adult perpetrator could be imprisoned for a period determined by law. These orders took shape in German schools for many decades. In German society, on this score in the 1870s, even an aphorism was born that it was not the army, but the German school teacher that defeated France in the war that had just ended.
Discussion
Thank you for the article! Very helpful. At least for me, the mother of a one and a half year old child. I will save and re-read periodically.
Svetlana Kalaida
There are never any punishments in a good family, and this is the most correct way of family education.
A. S. Makarenko.
When raising children, parents daily resort to one or another method of education. Be it punishment or reward.
The usual method of influence is punishment with a belt, which requires neither effort nor much time, the only method of discipline that is widely recognized and understood by parents is the least useful of all conceivable methods of education.
Is it necessary to punish with a belt at all, because this is already violence, it can cause psychological trauma to the child for life.
Punishment with a belt is not only dangerous for the health of children, but also negatively affects their intellectual development.
When raising a child with physical punishment, parents should think about who they will raise in the future.
Encouragement is a more effective educational tool than punishment. Punishment only stops bad actions, and encouragement focuses on good actions.
As part of stock"Let's protect children from violence" in our institution there was a contest of crafts " The belt is not for spanking. ". The guys, together with their parents, prepared for the competition for a long time and responsibly.
The pieces are so varied and interesting.
Related publications:
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These are newspapers submitted to the competition by parents and teachers of the 1st junior group. Everyone put in their best effort and creativity. Our.
Promotion: "Starling"“Let's friends, wherever we live, we will plant trees, we will plant gardens. Let's strive for that, To be loved by both the beast and the bird, And trusted.
Campaign "Save primroses" With the onset of spring, all nature comes to life and blooms. In the last days of April, at the beginning of May, the first ones happen.
Good day to all MAAMOVERS! So we, with the children of the older group, decided to take part in the International Action "Garland of Friendship". That's it.
In our Znayka group, a lot of work is being done on the rules of the road - games, conversations, GCD, productive activities. The result of all.
On the eve of the Great Victory Day, we decided to organize an action "We are for peace!" in our kindergarten. With this action we wanted to say: "Let it be.
The family is one of the greatest values created by mankind in the entire history of its existence. The methods of upbringing that are used in the school and the family differ both in their set and content, and, consequently, in the psychological essence, the effectiveness of the impact on the child. In family methods, there is more naturalness, appeal to a specific child who has his own life experience, certain habits, preferences and interests. The methods of raising children in the family are the ways through which the purposeful pedagogical influence of parents on the consciousness and behavior of children is carried out.
The choice and application of parenting methods are based on a number of general conditions:
- Parents' knowledge of their children, their positive and negative qualities: what they read, what they are interested in, what assignments they carry out, what difficulties they experience, what kind of relationship with classmates and teachers, what they value most in people, etc.
- The personal experience of parents, their authority, the nature of relations in the family, the desire to educate by personal example.
- If parents prefer joint activities, then practical methods usually prevail.
- The pedagogical culture of parents has a decisive influence on the choice of methods, means, forms of education
The methods of raising children in the family are the ways through which the purposeful pedagogical influence of parents on the consciousness and behavior of children is carried out. The methods of family education bear a vivid imprint of the personality of the parents and are inseparable from them. How many parents - so many varieties of methods. All parents use common methods of family education: persuasion (explanation, suggestion, advice); personal example; encouragement (praise, gifts, an interesting perspective for children); punishment (deprivation of pleasure, rejection of friendship, corporal punishment). The family uses various methods of recognition and encouragement: stroke, kiss, hug, pick up, etc. Children are comforted in misfortune, supported in difficult times, a motive is found to protect their justice, and in case of mistakes, ways are sought to correct them. With achievements in labor activity, children are rewarded, but gifts are not given for good behavior, for what a person is obliged to do. You can reward both things and money. In extreme cases, punishment is applied, but physical punishment is never used. It is common knowledge that beating hurts children. The following forms of punishment may be applied: disagreement, objection, shaming, warning, etc. In rare cases, isolation from brothers and sisters is applied. The main requirement for parents is to get to know their child better and come to his aid in time.
Persuasion is a complex and difficult method. It must be used carefully, thoughtfully, remember that every word convinces, even accidentally dropped. Parents who are wise with the experience of family education are distinguished precisely by the fact that they are able to make demands on children without shouting and without panic. They have the secret of a comprehensive analysis of the circumstances, causes and consequences of the actions of children, foresee the possible responses of the children to their actions. Those parents who argue like this are doing it wrong: today I will sit down and begin to convince my son that you need to be hardworking, study well, and tomorrow I will talk with my eldest daughter about modesty, girlish pride, etc. One phrase, said to the point, at the right time, can be more effective than a lesson in morality. Today, for example, the father expressed admiration for the principled act of a workmate, tomorrow the mother proudly spoke about the labor affairs of her team, the day after tomorrow the older brother drew attention to an interesting article in the newspaper, after a while he expressed dissatisfaction with the younger brother, who did not notice that the mother came tired, but he did not help her around the house, he was sincerely indignant that he did not find time to visit a sick comrade. Persuasion is a method in which the educator appeals to the minds and feelings of children.
Persuasion and clarification can be presented to the child in the analysis of specific life situations that make it possible to convince the child; in discussing with the child his specific act; in using an example of a person authoritative for a child, a hero of books, films. Conversations and explanations are far from the only means of persuading children. The book, the movie, and the radio convince; painting and music convince in their own way, which, like all forms of art, acting on feelings, teach to live “according to the laws of beauty”. A good example plays a big role in persuasion. And here the behavior of the parents themselves is of great importance. Children, especially those of preschool and primary school age, tend to imitate both good and bad deeds. The way parents behave is the way children learn to behave. Finally, children are convinced by their own experience.
In order to identify whether it is easy for adults to convince today's younger students, we conducted a survey of 30 primary school students of the Yarskaya secondary school No. 2 in the village. Yar of the Udmurt Republic. The following questions were asked:
- Do you think it's easy to persuade you?
- Do you listen to the opinion of parents, teachers?
- Do you listen to the opinions of your classmates?
After processing the personal data, we obtained the following results. On first the question "Is it easy to persuade you?" 14 students (47%) answered positively. 12 students (40%) believe that it is quite difficult to convince them, and 4 students (13%) believe that it is easy to convince them only in some situations.
On second the question "Do you listen to the opinion of parents, teachers?" 20 students (67%) answered positively. These students often listen to the opinion of the teacher or parents. And 8 students (26%) believe that it is not necessary to listen to the opinion of a teacher or parents. And only 2 students (7%) indicated that they listen to the opinion of the teacher, parents sometimes.
On third The question was answered positively by 18 students (60%). These students often listen to the opinions of their classmates. But 12 students (40%) note that they never listen to the opinion of their classmates.
Thus, we conclude that children at primary school age are easily persuaded. They often listen to the opinion of parents, teachers, as many parents, teachers are a model, an example for children. Younger students also listen to the opinion of classmates, but less often.
We also conducted a survey with parents of students. The following questions were asked:
- Is it easy to convince your child?
- Does the child listen to the opinions of family members?
- Which member of the family does the child listen to more?
- Does the child listen to the opinion of friends?
- What methods of persuasion do you use in raising a child?
On first 16 parents (53%) answered the question positively. They believe that they can easily convince the child, 6 people (21%) answered in the negative. And 8 responding parents (26%) believe that their child is easy to convince only in some cases.
Responding to second question 22 parents (74%) noted that the child always listens to the opinion of family members. And 8 people (26%) indicate that children rarely listen to the opinions of family members.
third the question “Which opinion of the family members does the child listen to more?”, we can conclude that more often the child listens to the opinion of older family members, as they are an example for their children (40% - the opinion of the mother, 33% - the opinion of the father) . But still, 6 people (27%) indicate that the child listens to his older brother, sister more often.
On fourth the question "Does the child listen to the opinions of friends?" 18 people (60%) answered positively, and only 2 people (7%) answered negatively. And 10 people (33%) indicate that the child sometimes listens to the opinion of his comrades.
Analyzing the received data on fifth the question "What methods of persuasion do you use in raising a child?" we can conclude that most often in families they use such methods of persuasion as conversation (74%), suggestion (53%). The example method (40%) and the story (40%) are used less frequently.
Thus, we can conclude that children at primary school age are easily persuaded. Children listen more often to the opinion of older family members, less often to friends. The most used methods of persuasion are such as conversation, suggestion.
In our opinion, the family for a child is both a habitat and an educational environment. The influence of the family, especially in the initial period of a child's life, far exceeds other educational influences. The success of personality formation is determined, first of all, by the family. The better the family and the better it influences upbringing, the higher the results of the physical, moral, labor education of the individual. The role of the family in the formation of personality is determined by dependence: what kind of family, such a person who grew up in it.
Let us give an example of a parent-teacher meeting about the relationship between adults and children in the family.
Parent meeting "Children should not be educated - children should be friends"
Purpose of the meeting: convince every parent of the value of the child's personality.
Tasks: develop a culture of communication between parents and children; the ability to see and analyze the negative aspects in the upbringing of their own children.
Teacher. The family can be compared to a launch pad that determines a person's life path. Every adult, and especially parents, is responsible for the fact that the problems that the child will meet on his way, he knows how to overcome with dignity and honor. No less important for the child is meeting with such adults who will help him learn the art of life.
Children act out the scene “To beat or not to beat?”
Once in the autumn through the forest
Suddenly a rumor swept:
In the clearing at exactly eight
Collects all Owl.
Abandoning business and children,
Not finished picking mushrooms,
Who went, who flew
To this disturbing call.
Raccoon.
You don't know, godfather
Why is Owl worried?
Maybe your fox again
Does he torment Kosoy at school?
Fox.
Oh don't talk raccoon
He is a real devil at home!
Wolf, buddy, your puppy
Didn't disrupt Owl's lesson?
Wolf.
And I don't know, maybe
He's so good at howling.
Hedgehog.
Tell me, Bear
Does your son love to sing?
Maybe he's the Owl of Patience
Experienced by beautiful singing?
Bear.
Can't tell neighbor
I rarely see Mishutka.
Putting glasses on my nose
Owl asked a question.
Owl.
Raise, animals, paws,
Who didn't beat the kids, dads?
Fox.
What nonsense, Owl?
I'm a fox just yesterday
I fought for a long time by the ears.
Bear.
They say about bears:
He is deaf in the ear.
I am for pranks son
I caress only with a rod.
Papa-hare on a stump,
crunchy carrot,
It is important to speak with pathos ...
Hare.
I'm against spanking!
I squint my children.
I won't touch my paw,
On the road every day
I instruct them strictly:
Don't walk on your ears
Don't gnaw on doors
And the tails of your friends
You don't stick in the cracks.
Magpie.
I am not alone in trouble.
my children every day
I'm too lazy to listen to all the lessons.
If they crackle a lot,
I take the belt to help.
The crowd roared again
Who was against
Who was in favor.
For a long time the owl could not
Get the word out to them
Owl.
I ask you, animal mothers,
And especially dads
Stop in your family
Education "on the belt".
Your children are so accustomed
To be scolded for misdeeds,
What about us teachers
Looking forward to the same things.
Teacher: Good evening, dear friends. I will start our meeting with the question: “Why do you think parents and children often quarrel?”. Probably because they don't understand each other. Children do not understand that their parents are tired at work, that they are annoyed by their heavy worries and problems, and do not guess to help them, to calm them down. Parents have no time to understand the problems and interests of the child, they do not understand that for him the game is serious and important. And parents begin to "educate", demand, order, and the children do not want to listen to lectures. And there are parents with children on different sides of the barricades. Isn't it better to unite, understand each other and live in goodness and harmony. Many parents believe that convincing a child with a belt is much faster and more correct. But they are wrong. Let's look at a few methods of persuading a child:
- analysis of specific life situations, allowing to convince the child;
- discussion with the child of his specific act;
- using an example of a person authoritative for a child, a hero of books, films;
- righteous anger as a means of persuasion;
- a personal example of parents.
(Discussion of methods of persuasion goes along with parents, highlight the "+" and "-" of these methods.)
Teacher: Dear parents, I really want our conversation today not to be in vain, so that it somehow influences your relationship with your children. I have no doubt that you all love your children and I want your daily motto to be “Guys, let's live together!”.
In search of these new paths in social work and it was decided by the President to create a fund to support children in difficult life situation. On August 25, it was two years since we registered the charter and started working. The foundation's mission is to create a new management mechanism that, in the event of a division of powers between the federal center and the subjects, will significantly reduce the social disadvantage of children and families with children and stimulate the development of effective forms of work. Unlike others charitable foundations we do not work with appeals from citizens or organizations, we co-finance regional programs that are aimed at achieving systemic changes in the situation of families and children, as well as projects of municipalities and non-profit organizations. It is important for the Foundation that programs and projects are comprehensive and can be replicated. Equity financing. Regional programs receive at least 70 percent of their budget from the funds of the subjects Russian Federation and raised funds of partners from among commercial and non-commercial organizations. 30 percent is allocated by the fund. For highly subsidized regions, funding is provided 50/50.
