- If we want the child to be polite, we must ourselves be polite to the child.
- It is important for a child to know what disobedience can lead to. Promises of punishment and reward must always be kept, not left as possible.
- It is worth remembering that only on encouragement is it possible to build mutual understanding with the child.
- You can not evaluate the child at the time of punishment. You only need to talk about how you feel and how you feel about the act.
10. Do not hang over the child, position yourself so that you are at the same level with him and look into his eyes. Only in this way will you be sure that he understands what you are saying.
Dear parents, remember that both punishing and praising should be done immediately, and not postponed until later. If you're wrong, don't be afraid to admit it. The sincerity of an adult will breed the sincerity of a child and strengthen your union.
Good luck to you in the difficult task of raising your beloved child!
Municipal educational institution gymnasium No. 1
Psychological service
or reward and punishment
as methods of education
child
2011
Often parents who physically punish a child will say, “He doesn’t respond to anything other than the belt. He's asking for a belt." And no one can admit that they break down on a child when they feel bad. They feel powerless and don't know what to do. Hitting faster and easier than understanding and listening, hitting does not require thinking.
Punishment in the form in which it is usually applied is not an educational method, but a humiliating and insulting procedure that can lead to problems in the future. And that's why:
- Punishment makes children hate themselves and others. They do not like themselves when they are punished, they develop low self-esteem.
- When punished, children do not learn to do the right thing, but only look for ways to avoid punishment. They learn to be cowardly, dishonest. Fearing that they will be caught doing a bad deed.
- Punishment teaches children that there is something wrong with them. If a child lacks love and attention, then bad behavior they will strive to get at least a modicum of that attention.
- Fear grows with each blow of the belt, if the children do not understand the reason for the punishment. The repetition of bad deeds suggests that children do not know what their mistake is.
Punishment is a very difficult thing, it requires caution, so we recommend avoiding punishment whenever possible. In extreme cases, some types of punishment can be allowed: delaying pleasure, delaying pocket money, prohibiting going out with friends.
Reward is a positive assessment of a child's behavior. It calls positive feelings desire to work further. The forms of encouragement are very diverse: a smile, an approving look, praise, awards, gifts.
As with punishments, you also need to be careful with rewards. Never need to announce any awards ahead. It is better to limit yourself to praise and approval.
Rules for the requirement of obedience
The child does not know the rules well, parents gradually teach him, control his behavior. There are many dangerous things in the world that parents should warn the child about. Making certain demands.
There should not be too many requirements for the child, they must be correlated with the age of the child. In order for the child not to violate the requirements, he must hear and understand them, so you need to be able to correctly make demands on the child.
- Requirements must be unambiguous and understandable.
Incorrect: "Don't mess around."
Right : "Sit quietly for 5 minutes."
- The requirement must correspond to the age and capabilities of the child.
Wrong: ask the child to sit quietly for 30-40 minutes.
Right: suggest an interesting activity.
- It is better to give simple requirements, which do not add up from several more. In this case, it is better to decompose into parts and present separately.
Wrong: "Clean up the room."
That's right: "Wash the floor."
- Requirements should not contain the particle "no". You need to tell him what he should do, not what he should not.
Incorrect: "Don't mess around."
Right: "Take care of something."
- You need to say the requirements calmly, do not shout and do not set conditions.
Svetlana Kalaida
There are never any punishments in a good family, and this is the most correct way of family education.
A. S. Makarenko.
When raising children, parents daily resort to one or another method of education. Be it punishment or reward.
The usual method of influence is punishment with a belt, which requires neither effort nor much time, the only method of discipline that is widely recognized and understood by parents is the least useful of all conceivable methods of education.
Is it necessary to punish with a belt at all, because this is already violence, it can cause psychological trauma to the child for life.
Punishment with a belt is not only dangerous for the health of children, but also negatively affects their intellectual development.
When raising a child with physical punishment, parents should think about who they will raise in the future.
Encouragement is a more effective educational tool than punishment. Punishment only stops bad actions, and encouragement focuses on good actions.
As part of stock"Let's protect children from violence" in our institution there was a contest of crafts " The belt is not for spanking. ". The guys, together with their parents, prepared for the competition for a long time and responsibly.
The pieces are so varied and interesting.
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The role of parents in human life is great. From them, the child receives initial knowledge about the world and the first life experience. Parents are engaged in raising children, but it is not possible without punishments and rewards. There is a stereotype that physical punishment is the most effective method impact on children. However, as a rule, such punishment humiliates the child, convinces him of his own impotence in front of his elders, and gives rise to cowardice and anger. Try to establish psychological contact with children in order to influence them without the use of force. I would be glad if my tips on how to do this help you.
What parents should remember when punishing a child:
- The child must be sure that the punishment is just, that he is still loved, and even being punished, he is not left without parental love.
- Children should not be deprived of the satisfaction of their biological and physiological needs (cannot be punished with deprivation of food and sleep).
- The child must be informed about what offenses will be punished and in what form.
- The punishment of children should be temporary (“you lose the opportunity to play on the computer for three days”).
- When punishing children, insults and labeling should be avoided.
For example, you should not call a child a clumsy, a bungler or tell him: “everything is always falling out of your hands”, “well, why are you standing like an idol”, etc. Only the behavior or a specific act of the child is considered, and not his personality.
- When punishing children, the recollection of previous misconduct is excluded. You only talk to them about what he is being punished for right now.
- Punishment of children should be consistent, not on a case-by-case basis.
Why can't you hit a child?
When you hit a child, you set an example that the child will follow as he gets older. Almost all of the worst criminals were regularly threatened and physically punished as children. It is the responsibility of parents to become an example of wisdom and compassion for children.
In most cases of so-called "bad behavior", the child acts in the only way he can in response to the neglect of his needs. Such needs include, for example: essential sleep and nutrition, fresh air, physical activities, as well as a sufficient degree of freedom to explore the world around him. But most of all, the child needs the close attention of the parents. PARENTS ARE PAYING ENOUGH TIME AND ATTENTION TO FEW CHILDREN AT PRESENT. For this reason, punishment is not only ineffective in the long run, but also unfair.
PUNISHMENT DOES NOT GIVE THE CHILD AN OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS IN EFFECTIVE AND HUMANE WAYS. The punished child becomes obsessed with feelings of malice and fantasies of revenge. Consequently, a punished child will not be able to learn much of what is necessary to manage and prevent similar situations in the future.
Physical punishment breaks the bond that exists between parent and child, as a person cannot love someone who hurts him. real spirit cooperation and mutual understanding, to which all parents aspire, can only arise when there is affection between people based on mutual feelings of love and respect.
PUNISHMENT, EVEN WHEN IT SEEMS TO HAVE RESULTS, CAN ONLY ATTRACT SURFACE FEAR-BASED BEHAVIOR THAT IS POWERFUL ONLY UNTIL THE CHILD IS GROW AND CANNOT RESPOND. On the contrary, cooperation based on respect can last forever, leading to many years of mutual happiness as the parents and child grow older.
WHAT ARE THE METHODS OF EDUCATION WITHOUT THE USE OF FORCE?
Method of conversation or persuasion. This method can be applied in the education of children different ages and with any character. During the conversation, the parent explains and argues how to behave in a given situation, finds out the motives for the child's behavior. The tone of the parent's speech during the conversation should be calm, confident, firm. Even one-year-old babies who cannot answer listen carefully to the parent, reacting to intonation.
The time-out method, when the baby is left alone for a while, forbidding to do anything and not communicating with him. In families where time-out punishment is widely used, as a rule, there is a specially designated place where the baby is left for a while, it can be a chair, bench, corner, getting into this place, the child begins to understand what he did bad thing and punished for it.
The penalty may be a fine. For a bad deed, you can take one of the baby's toys, you can prohibit watching cartoons or films, and reduce the time of games. DO NOT USE AS A PENALTY ACTIVITIES THAT THE CHILD SHOULD DO WITH PLEASURE. For example, make him read or write, clean the room, wash the dishes. This will lead to the fact that the child will perceive these actions as extremely unpleasant and will avoid performing these processes. A PENALTY MAY BE WITHDRAWAL OF SWEET OR OTHER TASTIES (but not food) If a child has done something necessary and good, he should always be praised, express his gratitude, it can be a smile, kiss, hugs pleasant words“You are smart, well done, you are doing the right thing” or another action that causes pleasant sensations in the baby and positive emotions. For example, a child washed the dishes, praise immediately after the process is a reinforcement, and a promise to go to the park with him is a reward.
Method "1-2-3". Effective Method upbringing in those situations when it is necessary to immediately stop the bad behavior of the child. The method consists in the fact that the parent makes a remark to the child about his behavior and begins to count up to three, if at the end of the count the child does not stop misbehaving, punishment follows. The method is used with children older than two years. Counting to three and making intervals between the numbers for several seconds (4-6 seconds), the parent gives the child a chance to change their mind, change their behavior and get out of the situation without punishment. If the kid does not respond to the comments of an adult and continues to misbehave after counting "3", the punishment must be carried out. Using this method, parents need to remain calm and not lose self-confidence, the score must be clear, the voice must be confident, if the child understands that the parent is “on edge”, then he can continue his actions, in the hope that he will be able to achieve his goal.
Don't forget: children are for parents, and the belt is for trousers!
In the opinion of 8% of Russians, a belt is a necessary way of raising children, and 58% of our compatriots consider physical impact justified for the purpose of education only in exceptional cases. Interestingly, this opinion is unanimously shared by both residents of the Russian Federation with and without children. But among men, there are much more categorical supporters of assault: 11% of men and only 5% of women said that the belt is a “necessary method of education”.
About a third (34%) of Russians consider physical punishment of children unacceptable in principle.
Total sample size: 1800 respondents.
Customer: radio station "Police wave".
Study population: the economically active population of Russia aged 18 years and older.
Question: Do you think methods of physical influence (slap, slap, belt) are acceptable as a way of raising children?
The answers of the respondents were distributed as follows:
Respondents' comments:
Yes, it is a necessary method of education
“This is how my parents raised me. It worked out quite well."
“I don’t think there are many parents who have never punished their children. I'm not saying that you need to hit until you lose your pulse, but in some cases you need to be tough. If, contrary to suggestions, he puts carnations into the socket or crawls under the wheels of a departing car, he will get hit in the ass.
"The child must understand that there will be punishment for misconduct, and not just talk - physical punishment should be more offensive than sick."
Only in exceptional cases
“My child is a real devil, and this is not even due to concessions in education, just genes. Sometimes a good slap is the only way to influence.”
“Our children have become so painfully receptive, therefore, first of all, we need to act with persuasion and persuasion, but it is in exceptional cases that “one blow replaces 100 hours of political work.”
“Theoretically, I am against physical punishment, but in practice ... it happens that the nerves can not stand it. I can say, as a mother of two children, that each child is born with his own character and he himself suggests which methods are best suited for his upbringing. From birth, the eldest son responds to shouting, spanking, punishment with even greater whims, protests, insults, and even worse behavior. Since he began to understand human speech well, the most basic method of influencing him was persuasion, explanation, and persuasion. And sometimes you can’t stop the youngest with anything but a slap ... "
“This is not a method! Unfortunately, words don't always work. And if the nerves fail ... therefore, "unpopular" measures are used.
No, I consider corporal punishment in principle unacceptable.
“I’ve been beaten since childhood, a lot: it hurts and it doesn’t hurt, in any way. Especially during the school period. My mother demanded a lot from me. It doesn't help understanding. Hardens. It's horrible. It doesn't give anything. I didn't get better, I didn't get worse. When my younger brother was born, he also got it - both from my mother and from me. I'm so sorry that I was aggressive and intolerant. I just had no other model of behavior before my eyes. I responded with what I received. Thank God in adult life I missed it…”
“Children are our reflection. If you don't like how you look today, you don't break the mirror, do you?"
“For some reason, in a conversation with adults, we do not use the belt as an argument, no matter how stupid they are, but we initially put children in a dependent position, immediately showing that they have no right to have their own opinion? What kind of personality will grow in this case?
“The most valuable thing in life is the freedom of the individual. Any violence is unacceptable, because. the child is small, but the personality! And everything that is laid down in childhood forms an adult! And... beloved children should be spoiled!”
“A Man has been born! It is necessary from the first day of birth to be equal to him. Yes - it's a great job to raise your child as a person worthy of being him. You need to be tolerant of him at any age, convincing him of something only with your good example, tact and word.
"Corporal punishment is carried out, as a rule, by people with insufficient intelligence - or people with pathological psychoses ... which, in principle, are the same thing."
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Belt as a way of education
Two-thirds (66%) of Russians consider physical impact to some extent an acceptable way to raise children!
