Friends do not chat with me. I can’t stand it, such treatment with me. I feel lonely because of myself

Greetings, my dear readers! Recently, a friend of mine told me that my daughter approached her with a question: why do people not want to communicate with me? The girl is friendly and sweet, but contact with people is difficult for her. Today I would like to talk about why acquaintances can avoid communicating with you, what are the standard options for mutual hostility and what to do about it, how to win people over.

External factors

I want to start with external reasons why people may not want to communicate with you.

There was a boy in our school who constantly smelled bad. Classmates bypassed him, the girls made fun of him and no one wanted to sit next to him in the classroom. Yes, the children are cruel, but no one could directly tell him that he smells bad. But even in adulthood with such a phrase, they are unlikely to suit you. And the smell, meanwhile, plays a very important role in communication.

If it is impossible to smell strongly of garlic, onions or other aromas from a person, then it becomes impossible to stand next to him, especially in the heat.

Start with your looks. Look around, look in the mirror. It’s unpleasant for many people to communicate with untidy and sloppy people. Dirty, bitten nails, shoes in lumps of dirt, holes in clothing, a dirty head. All this repels.

If you notice that people try to bypass you and do not come too close, then I recommend starting with the exterior. Look at yourself from the side. After all, all this can be put in order, get rid of unpleasant odors, repair clothes, bring nails and hair in proper form.

Do not be upset or hang your nose. There is no situation from which there would be no way out. Especially in appearance. Everything is fixable!

Intrinsic factors

Is everything perfect in appearance? It smells good from you, it even smells good, you always follow your shoes, your nails are clean and neatly trimmed. What could be the problem then?

If the problem is not in appearance, then we are looking for repulsive moments in our behavior. A friend of mine was constantly humiliatingly joking. For any phrase, he gave out a completely inappropriate joke. No one wanted to offend him, so over time they just talked less with him. And I at one time could not stand it and explained to him all the stupidity and inappropriateness of such jokes in communication. He listened.

Maybe you, like my friend, like to joke at any successful and unsuccessful case? Remember, humor is good and great. But it should not be vulgar and vile, should approach the time (a spoon way to dinner) and should not offend anyone.

My client has a girl at work who constantly sticks her nose in other people's affairs and certainly gives advice. She acts as a kind of guru who can find a solution for any situation. But no one asks her for these tips.

If you like to give out tips, then start a blog where you will describe situations and propose solutions. Act differently in life. Only when you are asked to express your opinion, only then open your mouth and give advice.

Narcissism and self-obsession scare people away. Nobody likes to communicate with people who constantly talk only about themselves. We want us to pay attention, ask questions, take an interest in our life.

There was one guy at our institute who only did that boasting of his successes or complaining about his failures. He constantly interrupted when it came to someone else.

Each participant in the conversation deserves equal attention.

If you have the opportunity, ask your friends to record a general meeting on the video. After all, sometimes it is not possible to adequately evaluate your behavior. But to look at yourself from the side on the screen can be extremely useful.

Maybe you are gesturing too much and it disturbs others, or you spit during a conversation, or really only talk about yourself.

Patterned pairs

There is such a thing as prevailing stereotypes. Mother-in-law and son-in-law, daughter-in-law with mother-in-law, former spouses, new wife and ex-wife, and so on. They are composed of jokes, winged expressions, proverbs and sayings. Of course, there are cases when everyone lives in peace and harmony, but it also happens that people, for no apparent reason, hate simply because their status is necessary for each other.

One of my clients communicates wonderfully with all of her former partners. Once, she caught her man with another young lady. She did not start a scandal or a tantrum. She just calmly talked and said that it was time for them to leave. A woman always tries to stay in good relations with the former, because for a long, or not very long time, they were happy together.

Basic rules of communication

Remember that everything is fixable. Today people shy away from you and do not want to communicate, but if you work a little on yourself and you will become the soul of the company. Let's talk about simple principles that you should definitely adhere to when communicating.

Friendliness and friendliness. Smile more often. Be polite. This captivates the interlocutors. Only not flattering and deliberately, but naturally and naturally. If you smile, then do not do it through force, it will be noticeable and scare off the interlocutor, leaving an unpleasant aftertaste.

Do not be rude, do not humiliate others, do not enter into conflict, do not provoke a quarrel. If you feel that now blurt out something superfluous, move away and breathe. Calm down and only then return to the dialogue.

People love being called by name. Frequently contact your comrades, ask questions about their life, work. And many love to tell about themselves. Use it wisely.

Learn the rules of etiquette. Behavior says a lot about a person. Does he keep a personal distance, at what point does he give his hand for greeting and to whom does he give that hand, does he open the door and so on.

Why do you think they don’t want to communicate with you? Causes in appearance or in your behavior? Have you met such people with whom it is impossible to communicate for a long time? How did they push you away from themselves?

Work on yourself and you will surely succeed!

Almost every person faces a problem in communication at different periods of his life. Most often, such questions are of particular concern to children, because it is they who perceive everything that is happening as emotionally as possible and such situations can develop into a real drama. And if asking a child’s questions is a simple task, then mature people don’t talk about it out loud, and the lack of friends significantly affects one’s self-confidence and self-esteem. To solve a problem, you need to acknowledge its presence and say to yourself: "Yes, I have no friends, people don’t want to communicate with me." Now you can begin to solve the situation. Almost every person asks himself the question of why people don’t want to communicate with me sooner or later.

What is the essence of friendship?

To start with, friendship is primarily a relationship between at least two. It does not succumb to any laws, no one sets the rules that are standard for everyone. All habits and rules of communication are born in the process and are developed as a result of prolonged communication. But in order to start communicating with a person, you need at least a mutual desire, it will not hurt to have common interests, values \u200b\u200band aspirations. Quite often, people have problems establishing contacts in the work team. People wonder why my colleagues don’t want to talk to me. The answer can be found very much and it is not necessary to look for the cause in yourself. There may be envy, especially often a similar problem occurs in people who have just come to a new position.

Why do not you want to communicate with a person?

Sometimes it happens that even with interesting and educated personalities you don’t really want to communicate. What could be the reason? In fact, there are a lot of options, but the following can be considered the most common: unpleasant appearance, disrespectful attitude towards people around, unwillingness to make contact from the side of a person, inability to communicate and behave appropriately, as well as fear of friendship and communication with others. If you think why no one wants to communicate with me, then the first step towards solving the problem has been taken.

How to deal with the problem?

If no one wants to communicate with me, then the problem is in me? Not at all necessary. The appearance and behavior of a person can be considered the basis for building communication, but you will not go far on these two factors. And if you can still come to terms with an unpleasant appearance, and someone does not pay attention to it at all, then if a person acts ugly in relation to other people, then there is already reason to think. And people are often judged by friends. As for the appearance, many characteristics that are strictly individual are important here. This may be deviations in height or weight from the norm, untidy clothes, an unpleasant smell. These problems, in principle, can be easily and quickly fixed. So just keep your neatness in mind, don't forget to brush your teeth, eat right, and so on. If this is the only problem, then after you put yourself in order, perhaps the road to full communication will open. But do not think that the attitude of others towards you will change as if by magic. Friendship can be lost in a split second, and it takes years to build. Usually, after solving the problem with the appearance, the period of adaptation begins, when others begin to be aware of the changes and show a desire to make contact.

What if the problem is deeper?

Why do not want to communicate with me if the main problems are resolved? Things are much more complicated when a communication problem is associated with psychological complexes. First of all, it is an inferiority complex. There is only one way out, to realize that you are an exceptional person, thereby increasing your self-esteem and simply learning how to love yourself. However, this process takes a long time in terms of duration, most likely, you will have to seek help not only from specialized literature, but also undergo any training or get advice from a specialist. But you will never regret the time and money spent, because self-development is a fascinating activity, it is a process that can change a person literally beyond recognition. Friendship is work, it is a mutual obligation, something more than simple friendships. Some people have a problem such as a fear of taking on this responsibility or a fear of being deceived, betrayed by another person. People are afraid to take risks, do not trust anyone around them and cannot open themselves to another person as friendship requires. Therefore, the question of why people do not want to communicate with me is very relevant. The ability to build healthy relationships with others is one of the most important tasks of a person.

What to do if people don’t want to communicate with me?

Psychologists say most of their patients are concerned about friendships. Often they come with questions about whether people do not want to be friends with me, why this happens and what can be done about it. Yes, it happens. In the world there are a huge number of books, films, trainings that can help to understand the problem of communicating with other people. Psychologists recommend listening to the following four tips. You should learn to control your “body language”, keep track of time, be able to not only listen, but also arouse interest in your own person. So, let's take a closer look at each of the tips. To understand why people do not want to communicate with me, it is necessary, first of all, for their own benefit.

Body control

It will not be superfluous to observe gestures, body movements, and so on. When you are conducting a dialogue with your friend, do not forget to follow the signs that indicate that your interlocutor does not enjoy the conversation. If you paid attention to this, your task is not to complicate the situation, annoying your friend. Maybe it’s not even the matter of you at all, but of external factors, but the impression of the meeting will be spoiled and in the future you may begin to be perceived as a person from whom it is difficult to get rid of it. If you learn to pick up hints that your interlocutor wants to end the conversation, then people will perceive you more easily. For example, your friend during the dialogue too often looks at his watch or answers with monosyllabic sentences, instead of showing interest and going into details. It seems that he is in a hurry somewhere. This means one thing: it's time to end the conversation and let the person go on business. Psychologists also recommend taking note of such a "chip" as the position of the feet. Yes, it’s not stupid things at all, experts are sure that if they are directed away from you, it only means that your interlocutor would not be averse to leave the meeting place faster and go on about their business. Why don't people want to talk to me? Perhaps the problem lies precisely in the inability to conduct a dialogue.

Control the time

Sometimes in the process of conversation it happens that our perception of time gets confused. Especially when a person is nervous and drowns in incoherent verbosity, while such a behavior goes unnoticed, as the idea of \u200b\u200btime is lost. If you will be communicating with a person for the first time, treat this as an interview in the press and prepare in this way. You can practice with anyone, with a friend, with family. Imitate communication at the first meeting and do not be lazy to measure the time of your speeches. Your task is to determine, on an intuitive level, when your monologue lasts 30 seconds and when a minute or more. At first, while the contact is just being established, you should not go beyond this framework. But as soon as you feel that the conversation is going in the right direction, you can go into monologues, if your interlocutor is interested. Always remember that at first you should not "pile" a lot of information on your partner.

Do not forget to give the floor to your interlocutor

It will be difficult for you to bother a person if you give him the opportunity to talk about himself no less than yours. A great option is the ability to ask open-ended questions that involve free answers. All this is necessary in order to help the interlocutor to engage in a dialogue. Questions should also be selected correctly. For example, most likely the question “Have you been living in Moscow for a long time?” it will entail a monosyllabic answer, and if you ask your interlocutor why he moved to Moscow and whether he likes this city, here you can get a more interesting and detailed answer, which in the future will provide an opportunity to develop dialogue in new directions. Thus, you will be able to learn more about your friend or acquaintance, which will provide the basis for further communication.

Arouse interest in your own person

As for the standard set of questions that it is customary to ask during a small talk, it is too limited and boring, and your task is to interest the interlocutors. Do not be lazy to prepare interesting answers to the most common questions in advance. Any conference involves a thousand of the same questions in the spirit: “What are you working on now?”, “What's new?” etc. It will be a big omission on your part to come up with answers straight away or, even worse, answer with neutral phrases that do not cause any interest in the interlocutors (“I’m not doing anything special,” “nothing new is happening”). Thus, you will immediately give the impression of a boring person and those around you will not even have the slightest desire to continue the dialogue with you. The situation will be different if you come up with answers that can "add fuel to the fire" and fuel interest in you. People should have a desire to ask you more about everything.

There have been situations with you when, during a conversation or attempt to start a conversation, there is a feeling that a person does not want to talk to you? This lack of desire can be due to various reasons: fatigue, antipathy, or the fact that you interfered in someone else's conversation. Sometimes it’s hard to see if a person really wants to talk to you. Pay attention to body language and notice speech signals to understand the true intentions of the interlocutor. Be able to politely apologize and end the conversation.

Steps

Part 1

Body language and speech signals

Read between the lines. When communicating via SMS or on social networks, there is no way to see gestures and facial expressions or hear the tone of the interlocutor's voice (with the exception of video calls). If you carefully read the response lines and notice how long the answer takes, you can assess the degree of interest of the person in the conversation.

Listen to the tone of voice. The tone of the interlocutor’s voice is able to tell a lot about a person’s feelings at a given moment. The nature of the conversation allows you to understand how interesting he is to you. Perhaps it's time to politely end the conversation. Try to answer the following questions:

Determine who sets the tone for the conversation. If in doubt whether a person wants to continue the conversation, then try to understand who sets the tone for the conversation. This will also tell you if your interlocutor is not losing the thread of the conversation and whether it is time for you to stop.

If your voice sounds much more often than the other person’s voice, this may be a sign that he is not interested in the conversation.
Start talking less and pay attention if the person you want wants to seize the initiative. Perhaps he is interested in a conversation, but you do not allow a word to be said.
Check if you have a place in the conversation if more than two people are talking. If in doubt, insert your remark and pay attention to the reaction of the other participants.

Listen to the answers. Answers to your questions and statements can tell a lot about a person’s mood. The following answers may indicate that the person you are talking to is bored or unwilling to continue talking with you:

Pay attention to eye contact. It has long been known that the eyes are a mirror of the soul. If during a conversation you look into the interlocutor’s eyes, then the answer will be written in them. The following signs indicate that the person you are talking to wants to end the conversation:

Pay attention to body position. As the eyes are able to tell about the interest in the conversation or its absence, so the position of the body gives out the mood of a person. Pay attention to the pose of the interlocutor to find out the answer.

Watch your body language. Body language always shows a person’s attitude to conversation. Such examples indicate that the interlocutor does not want to talk:

Part 2
Ways to politely end a conversation
1. Do not panic or get angry. Sometimes a person is simply not in the mood, busy, experiencing a difficult moment in life. Try not to panic and not be mad at the person you are talking to. Show your sensitivity and politely end the conversation to save yourself and your partner from the awkward exchange of empty phrases.
  - Do your best to hide your emotions from the other person.
2. Use a common excuse. There are many different reasons that allow you to complete the conversation, whether it is the need to go to the bathroom or answer the call. If the interlocutor has obviously cooled off to the conversation, then use the “simple” pretext to stop the conversation and leave on a good note. Report the following:
  
  Find an organic reason to end the conversation. Find the opportunity to naturally interrupt your conversation. Such an excuse will allow you to end the conversation on a good note.
  
  Show that you value the time of the interlocutor. If you need to end a useless conversation, then adjust everything as if you are guided by the interests of the interlocutor. Say a strategic phrase like “I don't want to take your time” to end the conversation.
  
  Find out the phone or ask for a business card. Such a question will tell you that your conversation has come to an end. Indicate that the conversation was pleasing to you, and you are not averse to talking again another time.
  
  Return to the beginning of the conversation. If a person is not interested in continuing the conversation, then try to find a way to end the conversation by returning to the original topic. Repeat that you gladly learned a lot of new things, and also thank you for the conversation.
  
  Thank the interlocutor for your time. Even if a person showed impolite and openly showed a lack of interest in further conversation, act in good faith and stay on the positive wave. Thank the person for the conversation and your time, even if the conversation did not give you positive emotions.

Is there something to be upset about?

It all depends on several factors:

1. Whether you knew each other or you simply attack the star of social networks in order to find friendship with this person - in this case this can be regarded as harassment.

Let's immediately note this point, because otherwise the situation can hardly be called sound.

2. You knew each other, and fate led you on opposite sides of the barricades, but none of you did anything bad to each other. He is still drawn to a man, but, alas, he is not for you.

3. You knew each other and someone did something to someone.

In any case, there is no need to make a tragedy out of it. One thing always helps - to understand that a person does not need you.Not needed and that's it. So why go deeper into suffering and try to distract yourself, as you say, from thoughts about this person? If he does not need you, then why should you need him?

Most people can’t put up with the loss of a friend and sort through all the memories associated with it in their heads. And always this, for some reason, is extremely positive memories, accompanied by exclamations:

1. Oh, how could I be without him / her!

2. How so, I will really miss him / her

Not so long ago, exactly the same event happened in my life: a person simply stopped communicating with me, got out of control. And my eyes opened after some time, advising me to recall not the good that we had, but the bad that this man did to me. And you know, at once some disgust appeared to the situation as a whole, that all experiences instantly disappeared.

Of course, relations between people do not always develop in such a way that something bad is present in them. In this case, we return to the beginning again - the person has lost interest in you. And I won’t say a word from the “Understand. Forgive” program: “Maybe the problem is in you?”

The problem is not in you if the person has not substantiated his departure, and if you justified it, then nothing prevents you from changing your attitude towards the people around you.

It is worth making new acquaintances, which will become much more interesting and useful than those with whom you had to leave, because not everything in this world is forever.

And you once lived without this person quite well, right?

You will be surprised at the answer, but in order to stop being upset, you need to defeat your egoism. You would not want anyone to bother you - respect yourself in this example and transfer this respect to your loved one. Do not suffer and do not torment. In the end, each person finds someone whom he does not bother and who does not bother him. And of course, you can change yourself within the framework of the reasonable - if you yourself define some of your qualities as "in need of correction" :)

Good luck to you.

The move helped me. A new ride and dating.

And so for 3 years I was killed one by one. To worship for 3 years, you can go crazy.

Neither books nor music helped me.

Only completely changed the circle of friends, and yes, the worldview also changed a little.

Of course, I still remember her and everything connected with her. But, alas, the past cannot be returned.

It is only necessary to be ill, but in practice it is very difficult such a "disease" occurs.

Can a person be directly asked what does not suit him? why did he decide that he was no longer interested in communicating with you, no longer needed?

If you are ready and want to, you can promise a person that change, you won’t do what he decided to interrupt communication with. And there it is up to him - will he give you such a chance or not)

In any case, try to let the person go. Remember how you lived without him, what you did, with whom did you communicate? Understand for yourself that life on this person has not met a wedge. And most importantly, turn on your vanity. You are good, interesting. But he does not want to communicate. Maybe the reason is that he does not appreciate it. Find someone who will appreciate you.

It is not so easy!

One very important and needed person did not want to communicate with me. He said that I was not of his level: not so beautiful, not so smart and interesting, not well-off. Yes, I know, I'm not in the best shape. But, in my opinion it is very cruel! Can't you be a little kinder?

This man at first spoke pleasant words to me, supported me, but when he recognized me better he said that he didn’t need me! I was very hurt, because he is one of the few who aroused in me a thirst for life. I was depressed, wanted to commit suicide, and then he came and everything bloomed around.

I would try to change something, become better, and at first he gave me chances, and then he just got tired. Now he just lives his life and he no longer cares about me. And I think about him constantly and really miss our communication. I feel very bad without him (((And he does not even guess. He does not know how much it means to me.

And I do not know how to return it. But I would do everything for this if it were possible. This man is my world.

What do you think, can you let him know how much he means to you? Because you need to talk about it. At least once try to say. If there is no feedback, well, you did everything you could. But a person should not guess, he should know about it. And preferably directly from you. You know, I now have some similar relationships in life. That is, for some time the person and I talked very well, but then (I sincerely don’t even know why this happened), the conversation came to naught quite abruptly, and now we are simply silent on each other. Moreover, a person is really dear to me, and further on the list, but since this situation periodically repeats and the initiator of conversation and communication as a whole is usually me, I had to make a difficult decision - let go of this situation and stop being imposed. Although, as it seemed to me before that - everything was basically mutual. But, as they say, there are usually ten steps between people, and if you do all 10 yourself alone it will not lead to anything good. However, hope dies last and I hope for the best) and you do not get discouraged. Life is like that, you never know what will turn out.

I think that the only option will help here is to learn to painlessly let go of any person who does not want to continue with you either friendship or communication or relationship.

Well, what other options do you provide? Go to inquiries and find out with this person? Alas, this is an ineffective option: many cannot or do not want to tell the truth in such situations. And they go for a sweet lie and hypocrisy. Or ignore. Or aggression. Therefore, all attempts to solve the problem with clarifications and inquiries in the vast majority of cases will not give the desired result and will not lead to your goal. And perhaps they will aggravate the situation. As well as aggravate the person’s attitude towards you.

Unfortunately, very often this happens — that you don’t do anything wrong to a person, and he suddenly not only stops communicating, but also stubbornly hides the truth. It means that the reason is definitely not in you. the right to whom to communicate with him. But still, it would be much more honest to explain frankly: in that case, the problem could have been solved in a peaceful and conservative way. And any concealment of the truth and any sweet lie, dishonesty and meanness are obvious.

But only do you lie to re-educate such an dishonest person. So, still learn to let people go painlessly. In a pinch, turn to a psychologist. And communicate with those people who do not bring such problems to you. And if there are none in your environment, it means even more reason to contact a psychologist.

You can’t help yourself with alcohol, but only kill your liver.

So the proximity I settled on her, but rather on her sweeping,. What did you understand? By the word closeness, when I read it for the first time. Everything is true sexual intercourse, contact ... Magic))))) as you want. But is it proximity?

No, it’s a connection. A connection is simple. So back to the main thought. Or rather, to the plot of my life. I met a girl who was simply not noticeable. So there it is. The noticeable is exactly what is not exemplary. But very good, really !!! like a clean tear of David ...

You will excuse me if you jumped. But what further it was I will miss. Not anything special, but nothing personal can be made public, and even so right away ... In short, we talked with her for four and a half years, just talked. And maybe already 5 years. Yes, somewhere at that time and met. Here would know the day and month. Fuck, I won’t remember .... Although you can find out you just need to find the old page and try to go to it .. There should be correspondence with our mutual friend, who introduced us the way we know each other.

So here is a pure tear like Davidawa. And so we were close with her in a relationship. A week and a half ago, communication and intimacy were all gone. We could talk on video communications for 6-8 hours and were happy. People, that was a week and a half ago, you estimate ..... What is love. Perhaps so, where is the passion then. Connect ... You now think that I am a sucker like there. Fell in love with a girl and she twisted me as she wanted ... But no, guys it wasn’t all that way .. I can only goof that I lost her forever (((((..... 03.21.2019 you wanted a couplet on lavi ))))) The book ..

To comment

Please help, I’ve been tormented by one question for several years: "Why do people around me not want to communicate? I don’t get in touch with young people, I often communicate in social networks, sometimes I decide to have a real meeting, but that's all at one meeting. If you have a question for a psychologist, then it should be asked in the appropriate section, for example, here: And he lives with such thoughts: After the divorce, I decided to find a friend on the dating site.

Nobody likes to talk with people who constantly talk only about themselves. Why don’t my friends want to talk to me? Tips man.

Specifically, for the most part they expect from a new person. Or why don't you want to talk to someone? In which it is indicated that I did nothing wrong to anyone, but still I received such an incident from a person. Give me some advice, please. The reaction to such conversations can be completely unpredictable.

Why don’t they want to talk to me without justifying reasons. To hammer or to search for reasons?

Why do friends stop talking to me slowly? If you are thanked, suggest leaving a better entry in the book of complaints and suggestions. Too shy, what to do? And I developed terrible complexes. The only close person to whom I tell almost everything and ask from time to time for advice is my younger brother.

Psychologists once showed several experienced pickpockets a video of an ordinary human stream on the street and asked who they would choose as victims.

I had previously driven, it was sad to tears, but then something pereklinilo and now it is violet to me why people want. Each has its own story, so it is advisable to sort it out with a psychologist. Articles Friendship with a sweetheart An article about the meaningfulness of a person’s reactions and actions, about the ability to be the master of one’s own life. After all, all this can be put in order, get rid of unpleasant odors, repair clothes, bring nails and hair in proper form.

In short, the complete riddle for me is what’s wrong with me. And this problem goes into some kind of mania: I’m afraid to communicate with people at least somehow.

Maybe this is the reason that I communicate, that people do not accept me?

Find the reasons why people don’t want to communicate with you and eliminate them

And you will have everything, I’m sure. I have a memory that they don’t want to talk to me, I can’t understand why it’s kind of sociable, funny, not stupid, no, talking and listening are equal, but all the same, one, the husband says that I come across the wrong people, but how many can you wait \\ they don’t want to communicate with me. why?

why are they unwilling to communicate with you? Of course, there are cases when everyone lives in peace and harmony, but it also happens that people for no apparent reason can not stand simply because it should be so according to their status to each other.

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They don’t want to communicate with you, let them understand that ***** is for you, they are just passing people in your life and you should not focus on what they think about you.

They don’t want to communicate with me. I am not a good person

Reasons may be 2. I'm afraid to be rejected again. From the 1st to the 9th grade, I needed to be very bullied, beaten, and called names in every possible way.

They don’t want to communicate with me

Maxim, this training, which will continue, is just for you. It happened that, no matter how hard you try, a person with you does not want to.

If you are smiling, then do not do it through force, it will be noticeable and scare off the interlocutor, leaving an unpleasant aftertaste. She began to do everything for herself, and not for the rest.

Why do not want to communicate with me?

I am also unsociable, I have no friends, and usually in any team I’m not comfortable, I don’t communicate with anyone. Why don't people reach for me, no friends? I note that I do not need friendship with such gossip people.

Love, family, life - X-factor

Why they don’t love me - they don’t want relationships and communication with me

Why don't they like me? Who and what is to blame

People, constantly and everywhere, are faced with situations that they do not like, ignore, hate, and so on. The most reasonable of them ask the question: Why do not they like me - do not want relationships and communication with me?

Meanwhile, there are simple rules of communication as manifestations of relationships. When, violating them, regardless of other circumstances and thoughtful reasoning, a person is to blame for not wanting to “deal with” him.

Of course, among the reverse side, there is a “complete inadequacy” - people who, inherently, are not capable of normal communication with all your desire.

But, it happens that a person himself does not know how to communicate with other people, due to upbringing and habits that interfere with this.

In particular: there are simple reasons and answers to the question: Why they do not like me - they do not want relationships and communication with me.

Why don't they like me? Do you need this for everyone to love you?

BUT, before considering why it happens that some people do not like other people, I would like to understand this question: Does a person need everyone to love him?

And, I’ll say right away, in my opinion, this question is not as simple as it seems to someone. For, in essence, the question of why they do not like me can have different endings.

For example, why they do not like me:

- those with whom I would like to have a relationship and communicate;

- it is the person or those people, specifically, who I need, I need, but who for some reason do not like me.

All this, of course, depends on the person’s personality itself, or rather on the interests that he has regarding other people.

Someone needs to be loved by everyone around. Someone needs to be loved only by those people whom he himself loves and respects.

And someone needs to be loved only by one person or a group of people who have special significance for him.

All this: their interests in relations with other people and their interests, naturally, too, must be taken into account in solving the problem of why they do not like me.

Why they do not love me - do not want relationships and communication? Main reasons

There are thousands of objective and subjective reasons why some people do not like other people, and even more reasons why some people do not like others, including disgust.

However, as they say, in particulars there is always something in common, therefore, here are the TOP of the most common answers to the question why they do not like me:

1. Your self-esteem is overestimated and, therefore, you look at the people around you not only from above, but also “from your bell tower”.

In the practice of communication and relationships, such your overvalued self-conceit is easily “calculated”, if not by brains, then by feelings.

There are people who like to have personal authority over themselves - to realize that they communicate with the "greats". But most people prefer to communicate, in every sense, with peers.

So, if you are less "yak" in relations with other people, you will be less likely to ask yourself the question why they do not love me.

2. You do not know or do not want to use simple, general rules of communication between people.

For example, you interrupt the interlocutor, show him your disregard for his thoughts and feelings.

In general: voluntarily or not, you show your partner, in relations and communication, your inattention to him, in the framework: from contempt to indifference.

This is expressed, for example, in this way: when they speak to you, you turn to the person you are talking to, excuse me, your ass, literally.

Or look to the side, yawn, wave your hand, or do other bodily movements of hostility and neglect.

Why they do not like me, in these cases, it is easy to guess.

Want to love yourself - be more accessible

3. You do not consider it necessary, immediately, and even more so, in general, to respond to the most diverse appeals and messages to you.

- Do not call back if they called you, but you could not answer;

- Do not respond to comments on the Web when they were written to you personally;

- do not respond to personal e-mails and letters, postcards, messages;

- keep quiet when you are expected to receive any message, any words, information.

What wonder why they dislike me for such behavior?

4. You love to boast about your victories and achievements.

People, even those who are not far-sighted, realize that a person must not be judged by self-praise, but by deeds - life teaches this.

Well, really, absolutely no one can like it, when in communication with him, they begin to boast about their education, achievements at work or the amount of money.

And men and women are equally enraged when they, in order to allegedly raise their significance, begin to talk about their “victories” on love-sex-family fronts.

If you do this, so wonder: Why don't they love me !?

5. You do not know how to adjust the volume of your communication with people.

People, purely instinctively strain when talking to them loudly, and even more so, shout.

People don’t like it, and again, instinctively, they get nervous when they speak too quietly: it carries a threat or a sign of insignificance of the opponent.

Therefore, when answering the question why they do not like me, analyze the sound volume setting of your communication with them.

Try to be honest with people

6. You "Juliet" in communication with people.

That is, in your own words and manner of presenting them, with your facial expressions and other body movements, for example, not looking into the interlocutor’s eyes, you create the impression of a “slippery” person.

In other words, your counterpart does not see your essence in you or does not trust your words and actions, because you are not sincere in presenting them.

For example, girls and boys do not like, moreover, consciously and subconsciously, when their communication partner begins to speak streamlined, incomprehensible, intricate, and so on.

In other words, be real or portray it - are sincere in communication. And, then, you’ll be less likely to ask the question: Why do they dislike me?

7. You are physically unpleasant to the communication partner.

What is meant? He does not like, in general, your appearance, which is quite rare. As a rule, people do not like the particular in another person.

For example, it “smells bad” from him, possibly with perfume, or it smells from the mouth. or saliva flies when talking.

Or a person is sloppy and untidy, or any bodily imperfections, for example, short stature or crooked legs, and so on, irritate him.

What do you say when answering the question why they do not like me, in this case?

Of course, bad breath, for example, can be eliminated, but low growth cannot be fixed. Simply, you need to proceed from these realities, and consider: Well, since they don’t like it in me, it’s their problem, not mine.

Be more human than pragmatic with people

8. You promise, but do not fulfill.

The situation is obvious: if you say something to a person, and even more so promise something, but don’t do it, don’t do it, then you don’t have to worry about why they don’t like me.

9. You spread or create gossip yourself.

Of course, you can get certain dividends by creating and spreading gossip - there will always be a kind of people who like it. In any case, until these gossip do not directly concern them.

But, if you answer the question why they don’t love me, you are able to self-critically answer: Because I am a gossip, a gossip, draw your own conclusions.

10. You are not capable of disinterestedness in a relationship.

That is, if your relationship is built solely on the principle: "you are me - I am you", then you should not be surprised that they do not love you for this.

11. You are not capable of sincere attention to a person.

Even the fact that you do not remember his birthday is not so important, but it is important that you do not pay attention to his well-being, nor to his mood, or to his other life manifestations.

Is it any wonder why you are not loved with such an attitude towards life partners?

When communicating, know the boundaries

12. You behave redneckly - without ceremony and without showing a culture of communication.

Isn’t the obvious answer to the question: Why do not they love me?

13. You do not respect the boundaries of the personal space of your partners in relations and communication.

Usually, people, when communicating with each other, instinctively observe the distance of rapprochement with each other. This is an instinct for self-preservation and security.

But for some people this instinct is “knocked down” - they violate the zone of personal space of other people when interacting with them.

Everyone needs to remember the standards of rapprochement with other people. They differ depending on the type and level of relationship:

- 3 and more meters - the distance of comfortable communication with strangers.

- 1-3 meter communication zone - the distance between people in formal relationships. For example, at work, between people united by common interests, and the like, as they call it, a zone of social comfort.

- 0.5-1 meter - communication zone of friends.

- less than 0.5 meters - intimate communication area - close people, lovers, relatives.

It must be understood and taken into account that, even in the intimate zone, without the desire for the other side, one should not go in order not to ask, then, the question to oneself: Why don't they like me?

Do not count and do not portray yourself smarter than others

14. You do not have a head, but a “house of advice” - you like to give out advice left and right, even and especially if no one asks you about it.

Well, judge for yourself what, then, to be surprised: Why don't they love me !?

15. You like to “load” people with your problems.

You need to understand that the average person has his own problems “above the roof”. Therefore, nobody else needs problems other than those people who want to fuck something from this.

Even if someone flattens you and “feeds from your hands”, showing you love and respect in every possible way, this does not mean that you are really loved.

By nature, most people are jealous and can hardly stand the fact that someone lives better than them.

There is nothing to be done. Although, everyone likes it, "when the rich also cry."

So why, sometimes, from time to time, not show it?

Don’t want to worry, why they don’t like me, in this case? - show others that you, too, are not doing so well and also have problems in life.

And what do you know about the properties of people who prevent them from being loved and pleasant in communication?

Nina Zvereva - They want to chat with me

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Description of the book “They want to communicate with me”

Description and summary of "They want to talk to me" read free online.

When it is interesting, fun, pleasant to communicate with a person - it is a huge, little comparable pleasure. And anyone can become such a desirable interlocutor, a center of attraction in the company of friends or strangers. Everything is simple: there is a universal simple communication formula that allows you to build communication with anyone, and human qualities that attract people. And all this is consistently set forth in the book of a famous journalist and business coach, communications specialist Nina Zvereva. If you do not just read the book, but also complete the tasks, then you will surely have success.

They want to communicate with me

On the cover: Nina Zvereva. Photo Nikolay Shabarov.

I dedicate this book to my children - Nele, Katya and Pete - the best experts in the world: smart, critical and friendly. Without you, my dears, there would simply be no book.

Introduction. For whom and why is this book needed?

Recently, a special evening was arranged at the Moscow School of Management Skolkovo for young entrepreneurs with the invitation of interesting people. They had to find and bring these people themselves.

Now imagine such a picture. With a delay of one hour, an unknown person enters the audience, asks permission to smoke, calmly looks around the room and comfortably settles in an armchair. He does not ask questions, does not seem to be, he does not stimulate communication at all. However, after half an hour, a crowd of young people gather around his chair, who catches his every word, laughs, enjoying the short witty remarks of an unknown guest. "Who is it? Who called him? ” - the guys ask each other in a whisper.

In the third part of the book I will name the name of this person. But it is important to recognize that there are people with whom you always want to communicate.

These people can be completely different: charming and not very, funny and not very, educated and not very ... What is the secret? It seems to me that society reacts with interest primarily to those who managed to find themselves and calmly show themselves to other people. Of course, it is necessary that there is something to demonstrate! That is, you need to know your strengths and, accordingly, find a comfortable communication style for you! And you also need to be able to feel the situation, to catch the right moment in order to interest people.

This book is an attempt to help those who have difficulty communicating.

I have many students, and every day I hear words of gratitude from those who were afraid to even make toasts in the family circle. From those who made a presentation on a piece of paper, not looking up from it for even a second. From those who habitually gave the palm in communication to anyone, if only to move to the safe background.

And this book is also for those who can speak and communicate, but understand that any person has something to fix and something to learn. Moreover, the style and method of communication has its own fashion, and falling behind means losing the skill and confidence with it.

The book is based solely on my coaching and journalistic experience communicating with people of different ages, sexes, faiths, different social levels and different professions.

How to use this book

I tried to make the book as convenient and working as possible.

Each reader will have the opportunity to test themselves, as well as determine their personal brand and get tips that can be applied in real life.

The book is divided into four parts.

In the first part, I set out the communication formula and gave examples for each part of the formula, as well as tests that will check whether you have well understood the concepts of “goal”, “audience”, “format”, “moment”. The second part - about the first impression - is based on the questions that I hear every day. How to make a voice pleasant for someone else's ear? How to find your own clothing style, is it possible to violate the dress code? How to learn to look in the eyes and make a look appealing? And the third part is a description of the various types, among which, I hope, you will find yourself! And once again think about what your strengths can and should be presented to other people.

I am a professional journalist, my circle of contacts is very wide. I am a business coach and coach, many people of the highest level trust me.

And they are all different in their human qualities and communication style. It is so interesting to watch them!

By the way, I determined the attractive qualities of “communication masters” with the help of special profiles that I distributed to my students of different ages and specialties. So in a sense, the third part of the book is written in collaboration with the students.

And the fourth, shortest part reminds of simple rules, violation of which leads to mistakes that prevent us from falling asleep and greatly complicate our lives.

I hope that my reader will take notes and take this book as a desktop guide to changing their communication style. I hope that the reader will not only think about his problems, but also try to remember friends who are always in the spotlight, and find the answer to the question of how they succeed.

In each chapter, I address the reader with specific questions. Write down your answers in order to return to them after a while - it will be interesting.

This book should become an assistant in the important business of finding ourselves and the best in ourselves - the search that we spend all our life!

There is a formula, and it works!

This part can be called theoretical: it provides the formula for effective communication. Using concrete examples (how else?) I will prove that it works in a variety of situations.

I think you should approach this chapter as responsibly as possible: immediately after reading, try to apply this formula in your life. It sounds very simple: goal - audience - format - moment.

If you consider all these factors, you will be successful in any communication situation. If something went wrong, then some part of the formula fell out of sight.

At the beginning of each chapter of this and the following parts, three questions are given that you will need to answer as honestly and sincerely as possible. For each, you must give yourself a rating on a 10-point scale. If you score 15 points or more, you can assume that you have problems with the topic that we are discussing. Then you will need to study it as carefully as possible!

If you have no problems, then in principle you can skip the corresponding chapter. Although, it seems to me, it is always interesting to find out if your position coincides with the position of the author. For those of you who score more than 15 points out of 30 possible, my advice is: change. If you just read the chapter, draw conclusions for yourself and ... tomorrow you will act the old fashioned way, as you are used to, it is unlikely that you will be able to achieve joyful changes.

At the end of each chapter, I give advice. Treat them carefully. Already several thousand of my students have reported verbally and in writing that they used the formula and my advice and got great results! Use it!

You trust only your intuition when you try to determine the purpose of communication with anyone.

You hope that you understand the purpose of communication during the conversation.

It seems normal to you that the person you are interested in will answer a few essentially different questions: after all, communicating with him is so important to you!

If you collectively scored more than 15 points, this chapter is for you!

Goal-setting is a key concept in various fields. If the person himself is not very clear on the goal, he is unlikely to achieve it. In communicating with people, one must not only be clearly aware of it, but also get used to the idea that you can have only one goal.

For example, during an important event, you saw a person whom you had wanted to meet for a long time. No approach andthose to him until you answer yourself a simple question: why?

Want to just introduce yourself? Make a good impression and leave a business card? This is one option. Want to talk about a project that could be shared? This is another option.

The time for an important person to decide for yourself whether he wants to communicate with you is limited to a few seconds. According to your first phrase, he should understand what they want from him. It is impossible to “jump” from one topic to another, trying to determine which one “pecks” a person. This is unthinkable in our time, when every day in a single resident of a megalopolis there are 3,000 different informational messages. A brain is clogged, attention is concentrated only when a person has genuine interest and absolute understanding of why he needs it.

The goals of communication are different: to give information (only when the listener urgently needs it), to impress, to prove his innocence, to offer cooperation, etc. There is a goal to support the company (it is closely connected with the goal to impress).

Keep up to date with the latest book novelties, comment, discuss. We are waiting for you!

Books similar to "They want to talk to me" read online or download full versions for free.

i always did not want to talk, now 23

Maybe you tortured them with something? I have one talkative .. at first she was imposed on me as a friend, and then she began to endure the brains with her whining. I can listen once, well, two, but when the same topic every day.

In general, I later became always busy for her too. And with Dr. by SMS congratulated. In order not to chat.

Everyone polls want to talk. My friends are around 50.

A lot of talkative. More precisely all. And great.

I usually don’t pick up the phone. The annoying people still say why - sincerely I do not understand.

Has something happened to people recently or am I not understanding something? Longtime friends forget to wish happy birthday (although I always congratulate them), do not invite and do not come to visit, such as once (although I invite). I understand everything, it happens once, but is it difficult to find an evening several times a year to meet? Or doesn’t you want to communicate with age (my friends and I are 38)? What about you?

I READY to be the initiator. She stopped calling and inviting and coming at all.

Maybe you tortured them with something?

Yes, I didn’t seem to torment. Communicated for many years. But in recent years, somehow all communication has come to naught. And with different people. It’s just less and less every year, somehow everything fades out. It seems that everyone was simply withdrawn from their affairs and their families. Well, I have business and family, but still I want to communicate with my friends.

So my husband and I have always been the initiators of all meetings with friends. But I’m just tired of convening and collecting everyone. Tired of indifference. It feels like all my girlfriends don't give a damn about me.

There are only one friends who like to chat. But these are husband’s friends.

Same. I READY to be the initiator. She stopped calling and inviting and coming at all.

10. And how to communicate? We are from different cities, for sure.

By the way, once I had the experience of meeting girls from the forum. But somehow no one developed a friendship, although they met several times. Still, old friends, classmates, and casual acquaintances are two different things. I just don’t give a damn about my friends, I wonder how they live, but apparently they don’t.

Why don’t you want to communicate with them? Don't you like chatting at all?

10. And how to communicate? We are from different cities, for sure. By the way, once I had the experience of meeting girls from the forum. But somehow no one developed a friendship, although they met several times. Still, old friends, classmates, and casual acquaintances are two different things. I just don’t give a damn about my friends, I wonder how they live, but apparently they don’t.

I chat with two girls from the forum.

Interesting, not stupid girls.

this means that you are not so interesting and attractive to them.

For many years we were interesting and attractive, and overnight suddenly became not interesting ??))))))

And with friends, everything is the same.

I worried for a long time, tried to blame myself (maybe offended by what? Not interesting it suddenly became with me.)

Well, I live in Siberia. Virtual communication is good, of course, but you can’t replace a living thing, go somewhere together, take a trip.

Do you communicate with them on Skype?

I chat with two girls from the forum. From different cities by the way (I'm in St. Petersburg))) Interesting, not stupid girls. And with friends, everything is the same. I worried for a long time, tried to blame myself (maybe offended by what? Not suddenly it became interesting with me.) And then, I just scored.

Well, I live in Siberia. Virtual communication is good, of course, but you can’t replace a living thing, go somewhere together, take a trip. Do you communicate with them on Skype?

And on skype and vkontakte.

And they came to St. Petersburg, met)))

I never want to communicate with anyone, I do not pick up the phone, I ignore all the holidays. Why not this?

Have you tried to treat long-term depression?

And what is the depression here?

I’m at your age and lately I don’t feel like talking to friends at all. I myself am amazed. I’m not at all interested in their problems, and especially since I don’t want to tell anything about myself. I like to spend time with family, and I better communicate with people with whom I have superficial relationships.

Was it interesting before? After all, they were friends for many years. I didn’t seem to have changed. It’s strange.

but they have changed, families, children, fatigue and age take their toll

but there are prefixes with communication. Well, they don’t need everything, interests have changed, time has passed, different people.

I am 38, too. There are such sticky friends who just have to "heart to heart" have to tryndet. I don’t need to anymore. I stopped loving this intimate communication. I don’t like to let others into my world anymore. Share problems and pleasures. I have enough relatives . I like to meet with friends once a year on the DR and that’s all. I have enough for a year ahead. Well facebook there, email. Let's have a couple, three messages. Everyone. Take care of your life, fill it with something interesting. Leave me alone. Keep me alone. such a girlfriend had already reached the liver. As she divorced, she directly hangs her soul eyes on others. It makes you actively interact with it. He scribbles letters on the email, calls out. He spreads out everything about himself. "

I was soon 30, five years ago, stopped communicating with my best friend, retired for about three years, after which I forgot how to communicate with people. I don’t know what to talk about on the phone. It seems I’m moving away a little now. But then I had a wild disappointment, and now there are many new friends, we have fun when we don’t need to talk about personal matters and no one complains about anything.

Personally, I quite have enough Skype, Facebook and Vuman, of course)))) Well, what can you do, work and family occupy the lion's share of the time, and there is no desire to raise the fifth point and meet friends and relatives. So, let's have a couple of messages - and goodbye. Remember how Rosenbaum sang: "Twenty years have passed since the weddings, we no longer rush to visit at night looking."

In general, communication at work is quite enough for me. And with old friends I can meet once a year or two, well, okay.

A month later, a distant relative marries his daughter - well, there will be an occasion to get together. I think that relatives will come to their triumph from different cities and weights of Israel. And then the last time we saw about 3 years ago at the funeral of a common relative. As one smart person said: "Relatives are a group of unrelated people who are going to eat something delicious about changing their number."

I am 33, I also have little contact with friends. There is no time, and indeed there’s nothing to talk about. And when there is time, you just want to take a break from the worries and troubles and be alone with yourself. But about 7-8 years ago it was all different, there were joint holidays with a trip to the countryside, tea evenings, etc. I feel all this communication will return when we raise the children in marriage, and we ourselves will be retired

Well, even a year ago, I went across the country to a friend on the ulpan to bury her mother. We meet with her every few years and, as it were, we understand that we should meet more often. But suddenly she called me and said that such grief had happened and there would be a funeral in the afternoon. Strange as it may seem, I picked up after work and went to hell, wherever, fortunately, that I had no planned part-time jobs that day.

yes, and all these outpourings of souls, nifik are needed. Be sure, then everything will turn against you, someone will stick at you with what you once said and told you. two, we tell each other only good things, for example, impressions of trips, who was where, who saw what. We see each other even less often (she’s in another city), we can communicate via Skype once every 2-3 months, before everyone poured out to each other, and now I feel and she is cautious, does not tell everything. I am not offended because I do the same.

I stopped talking with a friend who got me. To be honest, I never liked her, she just brought life close once, then I got tired of talking to her, besides being optional, she could be half an hour late for the meeting. On birthday gave unnecessary things. In an instant, she decided and stopped answering and calling her. Another friend said without thinking nonsense, she just for me ceased to exist, like a person when she revealed her essence.

In general, I came to the conclusion that almost all were self-serving people. Maybe a couple of times I came across normal people, but life bred in different cities and countries.

There is such a phenomenon in the last 2-3 years. The country is becoming more conservative. And then, a bunch of people on the networks all the time.

Personally, I quite have enough Skype, Facebook and Vuman, of course))))

too) but for meetings of the time it is a pity. on the road, sit, then back. and there it’s time to sleep, or the day is lost - if you gather on the weekend. and there’s nothing to talk about for several hours in a row, and an empty talk is very tiring.

I can answer for myself. Because now it’s just incredible in scale that people’s everyday routine is happening. Everyone has an overwhelming herd feeling. It is almost impossible to meet a person who has his own opinion and, moreover, individuality. All behave the same, dress the same, live the same, conduct the same vulgar and stupid conversations, consisting of only stamps. well, etc. The point is to communicate with a person, if I see him for 5 minutes, I know his whole future life, I know what he will say and do in absolute accuracy, because EVERYBODY says so and lives. That's because of this communication is simply not interesting. Even those who are, as it were, individuals - I mean informals - in fact, they also belong to the herd, only to the herd of informals. And again, there is zero personality, because they are exactly like all other informals.

And I have a flip side: they call me and want to communicate, but. ONLY with problems and so for many, many years. But when all is well, they don’t call and do not ask for a visit. The feeling that I am a tank for draining problems and negativity, a free psychiatrist .. I’m morally tired. And recently, I decided by tradition to wish my girlfriend a happy birthday. so she told me, "you know, I’m not ready to accept you .. it’s necessary to prepare for your arrival!" In a word, I handed her gifts, cake, and more. I don’t go to visit her. But as soon as she started having problems, they again call me to visit and call and write. Conclusion: everyone is happy alone. They only want to share problems and expect moral support, but in joy - a girlfriend is not needed. just ask "how are you?" - no need. Consumer of course. but these are they, friends 🙂 This is my personal situation, otherwise I would not mind communicating, but I’m frankly tired of problems only, not interesting and morally tired.

Yes, I have also been observing this situation recently. Do people now somehow more and more think about survival and that everything is “no worse than that of the neighbor,” drafted by them, they gave up spiritual communication? Although, I think, if I hadn’t left for some friends in another city, and others wouldn’t have left me after uni, we would definitely continue to communicate with them. And with those who are kind of ready to make contact, communication comes out some kind of artificial, plastic. Even if someone seems to share the innermost, it feels like reading from a book. But basically it’s not that they are closed, but as if they’re afraid of discovering themselves as living people. And the point is not that people are not interested, as he believes "somehow." Interesting, but under this cover, which everyone is holding tightly on - God forbid it will come off. Any person, in fact, is a whole cosmos, which is usually very well manifested in long trips with companions :) And then everyone returns home and puts on masks.

i have absolutely no desire to talk to anyone. I'm 22.

What for? Different people have different communication needs.

yes, alas, and so with me. I am 39 years old, have an interesting job, kids. but there is not always time for friends and lately we began to move more and more away. very sorry (. Who would like to make new acquaintances and perhaps draw some kind of positive from communication - let's exchange contact details

41, I am only for it, I generally like new acquaintances, but I do not like to leave my contacts in nete.

i'm glad you responded. we need to think about how we exchange contacts

33, I, too, once upon a time had one university friend - a fish that stuck. After graduation, we talked quite tightly, but forever there was something I needed: I went to rest - bring her this and that, I got a job in the company - and arrange it there, the Americans arrived - organize and meet her try them in English. When I stopped talking to her, she again drew herself and wondered why I had disappeared somewhere, manipulating friendship.

Then I gathered in Israel, and she was glad that she could visit this country with my help. Yeah, schaz!))))) Then more visas were needed. She wrote to me and called with a request to call her under the guise of a relative - she asked her to meet the year 2000 in the Holy Land))))) Fortunately, in the early 2000s, there was a telephone reform in Israel, and my number has changed - since then could not get me, no matter how hard she tried. I don’t sit on social networks, only on Facebook, where I have a private profile - so her chances are minimal. However, I hope that for 13 years she has already forgotten about my existence.

Why do people not want to communicate?

No, there are very few soul mates. I have one close friend in Ukraine since school - I am friends with her. We are really interested in each other, and most importantly, she never imposed and never demanded anything from me. There is simply something to talk about, despite the fact that for 15 years out of 30, 2 seas have been sharing us.

but I think, analyze what I did this ?! But it turns out that people just do not want to communicate. It’s strange, I’m missing friendships

From different cities by the way (I'm in St. Petersburg)))

And then, just scored.

Hello, can I talk to you? I have the exact same situation - I’m reading your lines, I’m just surprised that this can happen to other people. I thought only I had such a problem. My mail [email protected]

The author, I'm sorry, you are lucky that at 38 years old there are still friends and they have a desire, at least sometimes, to communicate. I have such a problem with my friends from the age of 20-23. Now 27 years old, girlfriends from 27-28. In addition to contact and the Internet themselves, they never call, they rarely write on the network. I used to be the initiator too, but once tired and I scored.

Of course, I'm from the rank of talkative, once we all had a difficult period with work, and then we all complained to each other. Maybe then I got fed up with them, but a lot of time passed. For almost a year and a half we have been communicating only on the Internet. And for more they are not drawn. I decided to leave the network so as not to torment myself. Then she recovered again. Getting in. Two wrote to me that where you disappear, we had a depression here. With such a hint that there’s no type to talk to))) I write that I actually have a phone, there is a personal e-mail that I gave them repeatedly. It’s silent. Madhouse, to be honest. I just realized that these people do not need live communication, and I do not need communication on the Internet. This is not friendship, but nonsense. Now I calmed down and rarely go to the Internet. So, after all, some have lost) Why am I retiring and rarely sit there, but at least I wrote something myself. Rave. I put up and scored on these people.

somehow why people don't want to talk?

And so, of course I have friends. But these are most likely fellow travelers: we are friends, we communicate while we live nearby, we work together or study on some course. But one of us moves, switches to another job, or ends our studies - and gradually the communication fades.

About fellow travelers in life - the truth. I took them for friends. None of these are friends. It’s convenient for such people to be friends with you when everything is close by, you don’t have to go to the other end of the city, tear off your ass or call and say something. And if the place of work, place of study and city have changed, then everyone is gone. Well, okay! But it’s much more offensive when the best friends disappear almost from childhood and behave like these "fellow travelers", which makes you think about life)

I remember I came to a friend’s wedding far away. True, my grandmother lives there. She stopped. When I had the same situation, she did not come, motivating it by the fact that I live far, so if I had a wedding in my grandmother’s house))) That is, it turns out she needed comfort, convenience, she didn’t want to spend money, to go somewhere - too. But then I provided all my friends with a good friend at my own expense or I could stay at my house, but no. They don’t want to bother me. What kind of nonsense? For the sake of a good friend, I would have found time and money and everything else. Everyone had their excuses. Then it was very disappointing, but I survived.

People do not want to communicate with me

Somehow I was advised to write my strengths and weaknesses. I did so and realized that I was not so bad. I communicate with people on the Internet. Everything is simple and easy on the Internet. There are people with whom it is just nice to talk. But here in real life, for some reason, communication is not very and I'm sad about it. I am here in the hope that they will help me deal with my problem. I have to communicate with different people in my life. I do not want a situation like mine now repeated in the future.

for example: I see a girl standing alone. I go over and start a conversation (about anything) I just try to talk a little and just cheer or help a person so that he is not alone like me. But when I approached this girl the next day she pretended that does not remember me.

another example: I decided to just talk with a classmate. The conversation turned out, but half of the questions were simply ignored.

I got the impression that choosing interlocutors, you start a conversation, and in the background a light says “no one wants to communicate with me”. Is this really so? It seems that in the interlocutors you choose people who do not want to communicate at the moment or on certain topics and have nothing personal to you. For example, "I see a girl standing alone. I go up and start a conversation (about anything), I just try to talk a little and just cheer or help a person so that he is not alone like me." Perhaps this girl was not lonely or she had no need to communicate, so she just could be afraid: why did some girl come up to her and communicate so sweetly ?. It could also be with a classmate: for example, she wanted to think, be silent, and here you are with your conversations. I recommend you read Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Make Friends and Influence People. Good luck.

Strange, but I noticed that it’s easier for me to talk with guys than with girls. And I don’t like it very much. Yes, I like the attention of guys, but I also want to talk with girls.

For example: I talked with a classmate about computer programs. and I heard classmates discussing me at that time, that I understand something better than them. I was not pleasant, all the more this was said in a not very good tone.

From the beginning, I thought that they envy me, but then I thought, maybe I’m really strange, not like that.

To be honest, such gossip annoys me.

Why do people not want to communicate with me, a person with a mental illness?

HELLO. I AM 32 YEAR. I DISABLED 2 MENTAL DISEASE GROUPS. BUT BY VOICE AND GAIT, ME CAN BE DISTINCTED FROM THE OTHER. AT SCHOOL I LEARNED BETTER SOME. BUT EVERYTHING IS EQUAL, FROM MY CHILDHOOD I DIDN'T FIND MYSELF AND CANNOT FIND A NORMAL SOCIETY AND FRIENDS. Lots of people LAUGHED FOR ME BECAUSE OF MY EXTERNAL SIGNS AND MANIFESTED TO ME FOR THIS SOCIAL HATE. BUT I AM NOT WISHING TO BE ALONE, I tried to find myself COMMONLY AND FRIENDS - BUT THIS IS NOT SO SIMPLE.

IN THE LAST TIME, AT LEAST AND EVERYTHING IS NOT LAUGHT FOR ME - ATTEMPT AND I AVOID COMMUNICATIONS WITH SUCH PEOPLE - I AM ALL THE OTHER SIGNS EXCEEDING FROM THE OTHER. A LAUGHING BECAME LITTLE ONLY BECAUSE THEY RECOGNIZED WITH AGE. BUT I FEEL THAT EVERYTHING IS EASILY DIFFICULT TO ME IN SOCIETY. Despite the fact that I have more than 1000 people in my social network, Plus, there are many familiar ones who do not have their presence in social networks. BUT FROM THEM OF ALL I HAVE A LITTLE SUCH PEOPLE WHICH COULD BE CALLED FRIENDS.

NOW, I AM MUCH ALL THAT SOME SOME WITHOUT EXPLAINING THE REASONS DO NOT WANT TO COMMUNICATE WITH ME. AVOIDING COMMUNICATIONS WITH ME UNDER THE SIGHT OF EMPLOYMENT AND OTHER EXCITATIONS. Although I am EXPRESSLY SURE that they simply do not want to communicate with me under various masking sentences. And to UNDERSTAND THE REAL REASON FOR THEIR UNDESIRABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH ME DOES NOT RESULT. MUCH WHY THAT HIDES THE REAL REASON.

Certainly, not all people act with me, but everything is equally offensive. I DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG AND ANYBODY ANYBODY. AND I AM MANY WITH GOOD AND INCREASED COMMUNITY, BUT I CAN'T FIND THE REASON THAT TO REMOVE IT, I CAN'T DUE TO THE SECRET OF THESE PEOPLE. WHAT DO YOU ADVISE?

TheSolution psychologist answer:

You ask why other people can stay away from you. Exactly, of course, the reason can be called by these people. You can make some suggestions about why communicating with you is uncomfortable. But these are just assumptions that may find their confirmation in reality, but may not be found.

The first reason that can cause hostility is a violation of the boundaries of the individual.

With personality defects and a personality shift, mentally ill people cease to feel what and who can be said and what cannot. The problem is the familiarity of communication, when unfamiliar people are addressed as close relatives. They don’t feel the situation is appropriate, they forget to contact you, for example, someone who is older. They can call at night and talk about how things are for two hours. Or obsessively call another person, not realizing that he does not want communication.

The second reason is fear of mental illness.

The second reason that can cause fear of communication with mentally ill people is the fear of an unpredictable and unkind attitude. Fear of seeing psychosis. Fear of contracting a mental illness, although this is not an airborne infection. The desire to close oneself from communication with a mentally ill person may be the result of feelings of anxiety and the desire to make your environment comfortable and predictable.

I understand how painful it is for you to notice how people shy away from you. Nevertheless, if possible, try not to lose heart. If you have friends who treat you well despite your illness, be friends with them.

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