Question to the psychologist:

Hello! For half a year now, I can't let go of my past relationship. We met for 3 years, but there were 2 partings. The partings were long, about half a year. Then he returned to me with the words: "Forgive me, you were the best, I'm a fool." I forgave and we met again. And every time I kept thinking that this time it would definitely work out, because he was so set up at the beginning, and then over time his interest in me disappeared, and I was getting too little of him, and I started to quarrel, he did not understand me, I only annoyed him more. It moved again to parting. After that, thoughts appeared in my head, maybe let him go and find a new guy, but at the same time I wanted to let him go, in the hope that he would not let me go anywhere and we would be together. I let him go, and he agreed not to be together anymore, but after a week I gave up and wrote to him, but he had already rejected me. After that, we did not communicate for half a year. Then he wrote to me. This was our first breakup. The second parting is similar to the first. The third is the current one, he himself decided to leave me and said that we are not suitable for each other and it is better to be separate. After a couple of months, he just wrote to me, to ask how you were doing, he didn't write anymore. Now he has a new girl as I understand it. I want to start a new life, but the guys who appear on my way are not interesting to me. They don't bite me in any way. And I'm afraid that I won't meet that one. And the unknown also worries me. I live every ordinary day, and now I have no meaning in life. I often think about the past, how I used to be happy, and now I have nothing. And I understand that it is impossible to return there, I am not welcome there. And I don't know how to get out of this.

Psychologist Elena Nikolaevna Gladkova answers the question.

Hello Daria!

Parting with someone who is dear to you is always difficult! And in your case, it also hurts, since this separation is due to the fact that your partner did not appreciate your ability to forgive and wait.

Of course, the past relationships can "interfere" with the creation and construction of new ones for some time. But to speed up the time of their impact, especially if there is an understanding that the gap in the past is final, there are several ways that I can offer you for your use.

Take a look at your past relationships in terms of what new things you could learn from them. Analyze what you would like to take with you from the old as an experience and use it further, and what you are ready to leave as memories, but categorically would not like to see in your other relationships. Take a look at the relationship from the position of whether you are satisfied with your position in them, whether the role of the “standard” that your partner suggested to you, constantly comparing you with other applicants, is suitable for you, are you ready to continue to abandon sowing and your desires, accept the role a faithful friend who is waiting for her partner after another "spree" on the side in search of another possible ideal. Perhaps, after your return, you were presented with some additional requirements as conditions for your further stay together. Did they suit you? Are you ready to constantly change yourself for the sake of the new requirements of a changeable and unable to determine your requirements for a partner of another guy, who is ready to distinguish you from others and who wants to give you preference? Think about what you generally agree to in order to “meet that one,” and most importantly, keep him close to you?

Now a little about the unknown in your life. I do not think that you are the only one who is lost in doubts about your future fate and life. You, of course, can resort to the help of all sorts of fortune tellers and prophets who will gladly open the veil over the future for you! There would be a desire and opportunity! But I assure you that everything they can offer you will still depend on what you do to fulfill these prophecies yourself, what steps you will take, what people you will choose. Therefore, in my opinion, it is much easier and safer to think over your steps without prophecies, coordinating them only with your own desires, having decided on what you want to achieve or get, whom to see next to you, having studied what you yourself can offer others. And then move according to the plan, all the time adjusting it with new possibilities, new demands, but not forgetting that others also have them.

The past has already happened. And the best that a person can do with him is to preserve him in his memories, his history, draw some conclusions from him, use the experience gained in him for further movement in life. And although the end of life for everyone is theoretically understandable and practically inevitable, everyone fills the distance from birth to death with their own events, their own history. And whether it will be about “that the poor girl waited, waited and did not wait ... in general, everyone died”, or it will be painted with bitterness of loss and the joy of finding herself and her happiness, depends only on the creator of such a personal story.

The past is forgotten, the future is closed, the present is granted
(c) m / f "Kung Fu Panda"

To live fully in the present, the past must be left behind.

You, for sure, yourself understand that it is important to stop dwelling on failures and old problems, regret your mistakes, get angry with past offenders ...

In general, remove everything that pulls you back - and happily move forward ...

Today we will talk about how to stop living in the past.

Looking only at the past is like walking backwards on the road: you cannot see anything except your old tracks. The goal may sometimes not be realized only because, in fact, you go to it just out of an old habit, and you yourself have long outgrown it and lost interest in it.

7 practices how not to judge yourself for your past life

1. Make the decision to work on how to stop living in the past.

By itself, the "cure" will not happen - you have to make a choice: "" and start acting. It's good that now there is no need to "cut the tail in parts", picking and working through each injury for years.

In the conditions of modern energy, healing occurs in a complex way.

2. Send yourself back in love and forgiveness

Continuing to scold yourself for mistakes, “wrong choices” and actions is a sure way to live in the past your whole life.

Just accept that in the past you did what you could, based on your "then" knowledge, capabilities, level of awareness.

Without you, "that former" you would not exist today. And in difficult moments in the past, you were very scary or sadyou might experience confusion and uncertainty, do not feel any support.

Show to yourself in the past love and sympathy... Just remember yourself in one of the difficult moments and send there light of your love, caring attention. Tell yourself the words you needed so badly at that moment.

Some scold themselves for having hurt others, willingly or unwillingly; for having made a “wrong” decision at some point in life.
Others manage to condemn themselves even for the fact that they allowed themselves to be mistreated in the past - they did not protect themselves from the offender, did not leave the tyrant man in time.

3. Heal your pain and trauma

It is the old unhealed wounds that hurt the soul and make us live in the past. Some are as fresh as if it happened yesterday.
You need to heal yourself. It - basic action on the way to an easy and free life.

Especially for this, Alena Starovoitova developed (a video from it supplements this article).

4. Thank the past for wisdom

No matter how difficult the situation is, after going through it, you become better, wiser, stronger.

If right now you are worried about any specific traumatic situations from the past - do the technique "Pearls of Wisdom".

Think and write down a few points - why you taught this situation, this act, this person, how your life has changed, what you have realized and comprehended thanks to that incident.

What you write is the pearl of wisdom. Leave them to yourself, present. And the rest of the burden of that situation let go with gratitude... You took the most important thing from it.

5 more ways to find the pearl of wisdom in a traumatic event.

5. Forgive people from the past

By always keeping anger at offenders, you will never stop living in the past.
In fact, those people who hurt you "once" are gone. You have changed, they have changed. In fact, these are already different people.

Those with whom you are angry or offended for the past are no longer them, these are theirs psychological counterparts in your mind and memory... And you can always come to an agreement with your memory and consciousness.

An important note - if grievances from the past affect relationships with people from your present (family members, friends) - you need to work here especially tactfully, without violating their spiritual space.

In this article, you will learn how to reverse the polarity - move from hate to love and forgive the offenders.

6. Understand and rewrite old scripts

The scenario is the behavior "on the rolled", driving on old rails. It is registered in the subconscious and over and over again makes you step on the same rake.

Such scenarios are important find and rewrite... There are special exercises for this. For example, at the master class Alena invited the participants to perform a bright creative action “replacing the picture”. One of the participants performed a ritual: she melted the ice from the refrigerator, like the ice of a relationship.

You can come up with something of your own.

Scenarios are an automaton that snaps into place somewhere inside and forces you to react and act in a stereotyped manner over and over again. The trauma of the past cannot simply be erased. But you can consciously work them out. And rewrite ineffective scripts for more successful ones.

7. Focus on the present!

Just transfer your attention to the present, right at this point. How are you dressed? What do you want right now? Is your body comfortable? What is your joy now? What is valuable to you in your current life?

You will see how a lot of energy, joy and opportunities in your present!

Increased efficiency, perseverance, attention to detail, knowledge in areas that were previously inaccessible - all this came along with a new wave. And it began at the moment when the next blockage of old energy was cleared ...

P.S. And one of these opportunities is to pass. As many as three hours of exciting, bright and useful work on yourself, together with like-minded people and an excellent coach!

If you are looking for a way to stop living in the past,.

They say you can't glue a broken cup, but it becomes much easier when you know how to do it. The trick is to let go of the past. Easier said than done, but possible. By following our instructions, you can let go of past relationships and move on to the next chapter of your life.

1. Practice

Everything takes practice, and controlling emotions and feelings is no exception. Stop sitting in the back seat of your life expecting things to happen by themselves. Instead, roll up your sleeves and put in the effort. Over time, you will be able to develop the ability to think consistently and not dwell on what once was, but focus your attention on what is now.

2. Forgive yourself

Nobody's perfect. If you think you have done nothing wrong in your past relationship, you are out of your mind. There is a reason why your relationship ended. Something didn't click and it wasn't what you both were looking for. No matter how fractured your world is, it's only natural to feel loss, rejection, and failure. Forgive yourself and move on.

3. Focus on the good

No relationship is completely devoid of something good, so focus on what good time you spent together. Do not dwell on the idea that you could have done something better, and do not think about how to get everything back. Those days are over, and even if you get back together with this person, it won't be like before. In real life, there are no second chances. Remember those good times with a smile. This time has passed, but it was happy. Don't let negative emotions about your ex affect your memories.

4. Learn from your mistakes

If you feel guilty, there is no need to push yourself. This eye for an eye situation will only affect you, so you will lose. You can no longer do everything right with this person, but you can analyze your mistakes and avoid them in the future. If you have learned something from your experience, then this time was not wasted.

5. Focus on yourself

Don't worry about what your ex thinks, how he feels, what he is doing, and who he is talking to. It makes no sense to have long, imaginary conversations, because there is no other person in your head but yourself. You repeat his words or come up with answers. Stop worrying about what your ex is doing. You cannot control this. Focus only on what you are doing yourself.

It seems obvious, the best way to forget the past is to look to the future. Past relationships are not so bad, because you still have experience, as well as goals that need to be achieved. It's okay to remember the past from time to time, but don't let it hinder you in the present.

7. Don't try to forget

Trying to forget someone is a bad idea. If you force yourself to forget, you will do the things that you shouldn't. The time you spent with someone is part of your life. Why do you want to voluntarily give up a part of yourself? Don't make it your goal to forget something. This will happen anyway, but for quite natural reasons.

8. Embrace the impermanence of life

Everything in life is temporary, even life itself. Even if immortality were possible, life would not remain the same forever. Therefore, we need to move on. Accepting that nothing in life is permanent is part of growing up. No matter how hard you work, some of the things are just outside your control. Do what you can with what you have, or very soon you will find yourself at a broken trough.

9. "Tear down the Berlin Wall"

Where there used to be a relationship is now empty. You have to fill it with contacts with other people. You can look for new acquaintances or reunite with family and friends. The main thing is to lower your protection and let them approach you. Otherwise, you will only make yourself more miserable.

10. Do good ...

A great way to feel better is to help others. There are many ways you can use this. You don't have to change the world, but you can make the people around you happier. They will bring your favor back and will cheer you up when something happens.

Breaking up is hard, but we all lose an important relationship. Letting go of past relationships is difficult, but you need to move on. If you don't, you will end up wasting a lot of time, which you will later regret. With discipline and practice, you can get these relationships out of your head and move on to new and happier relationships.

How to stop thinking about the past and start living? How to stop living in the past and start living in the present psychology

It doesn't matter if it's good or bad, letting go of the past is better than keeping it close to you. You need to let go of him, if only because sometimes this is the only way to increase the level of energy in your life, get out of old relationship scenarios, accept yourself and others, and also just move on without pain.

Just living in the past is the same as moving forward with your back: you will see nothing but your own old tracks. That is why it is worth learning how to stop living in the past.

Try to understand that there is no past

More precisely, to convince yourself of this. How is it not? Simple? Once on his show, Dr. Kurpatov asked a woman who was very fixated on the fact that her peers beat her at school: “Are you afraid of 13 year olds on the street today? Not? So, those children who beat you are no longer there either. These are other people. What is the point of being afraid of something that simply does not exist? "

Make a decision here and now

If you really want to stop living in the past and start living in the present, then do not cut the cat's tail in parts, I work through every injury. It's easier to throw everything into the trash at once: so little is needed.

Heal old wounds and trauma

This may require either a psychotherapist or independent practice. The simplest thing that can be done with this load of injuries is to burn them. Try to write down in a notebook for a week or two everything that upsets the soul and everything that pops up by itself with someone's words or actions. It is best to carry your notebook with you everywhere so as not to miss a single negative emotion. Think back to all the bad things that happened in childhood and adolescence and carefully write down all the hurtful words and negative emotions that you experienced then. And in a couple of weeks, burn all this scribble somewhere in the forest park and spread the ashes. You are almost free. However, there are other options for healing.

Focus on your present

It's not as difficult as it sounds. Pay attention to what you want right now, or what you are wearing. Ask yourself the question, what is your joy and what is most valuable to you at this very moment. Try to do this always when you are again carried away into the past, both the terrible and the beautiful.

Deal with the fact that everything is leaving

Both the bad and the beautiful. It is normal that one stage ends and the next begins. Moreover, the next one may be even more beautiful than the previous one.

Don't hold back your emotions if the past was terrible

It doesn't matter how much time has passed since the tragic events. You have the right to speak out about it, and even shout out. If you want to send the past to hell, you must release it with your emotions.

Make plans for the future

Do not even be afraid of the desire to fulfill your dream. Write down in detail your plan for achieving any of your goals and for fulfilling your desires. This will definitely help you to focus on the present and even enjoy it.

Send love and forgiveness to your past

If you constantly scold yourself for your mistakes, actions and misdeeds, as well as the wrong choice, then you will live in the past all your life. It is better to convince yourself that you acted in your past exactly as you could and based on your then capabilities, experience and level of development in general.

You could have committed an act because you were scared, did not feel any support, were insecure or confused, that is, succumbed to emotions that were then a natural reaction to what happened. Think about what you learned then and what good things this situation has brought to you today. Show love for yourself in the past and empathize with that person. Tell yourself the words you needed then and talk about what you have learned over the years.

Try to forgive people from that time

Perhaps now you are not blaming yourself, but your parents, children from a parallel class who bullied you, or the first man. What to do with them? Forgive as well as forgive yourself. Now they are different too, and you are constantly thinking of non-existent people. Perhaps they also learned from their mistakes, and at that time they simply did not know how to act differently. Instead of thinking about how to take revenge on the offender and how the earth bears such people in general, live your life. And if this is really a hopelessly bad person, retribution will definitely find him.

Thank your past for wisdom

Even if the situation was dire, you got through it better, more experienced and wiser. Only for this it is worth to thank your terrible past.

You can give a thought and write down what exactly you learned from this situation, a person or your own deed. Write it all down in a few paragraphs. Make a note of how your life has changed after what happened, what you have comprehended and realized after this story. These are the pearls of wisdom, and the rest is river mud and garbage that can be thrown away without regret.

Get to work

And not only her. If you hang around your past for too long, you may just have a lot of free time. And he can be occupied with more sensible things. Find a job that you enjoy and devote all your days to. If even after that you have enough strength, including for heavy thoughts about the past, devote evenings to a hobby. While enjoying the present, you will not notice how you let go of the past and it will become very small in your life. Being active in the present will help you let go of the past.

Don't forget the good

You only need to let go of the bad from the past. But good memories and your achievements from the past are proof that you can have a good life and are capable of a lot. All this should be preserved.

Arrange holidays

This is the best way to prove that life is beautiful here and now. Gather friends, organize a meeting of classmates or classmates, throw themed parties, dance and communicate - when the present is beautiful and full of joy, you want to live in it, and not in memories.

psyhacker.com

It is natural for a person to accumulate not only material values, but also memories. Whether pleasant or unpleasant, they are an integral part of our life, as well as the basis of experience and wisdom. But sometimes a person gets stuck in the past, constantly looking back instead of rapidly going forward. This can cause serious problems. How to get rid of the past? How to learn to live in the present and the future?

Why does a person get stuck in the past

To effectively solve a problem, you need to understand its essence. The past has a tremendous impact on a person. And that's why:

• Playback. In an ever-changing series of events, people inevitably face situations similar to those in the past. Negative or positive memories pop up involuntarily in the head. Consciousness begins to search in the depths of memory for answers to repetitive questions.
• Emotional addiction. Memory captures moments of the past, as well as the range of feelings that a person experienced at a particular moment. Speaking of emotions, it is worth noting that a person, as a rule, clings to something positive and joyful, over and over again scrolling through the head of the event of the past.
• Hypertrophied instinct for self-preservation. It is expressed in the fact that a person falls into hysteria and panic when something in his life begins to change. Thus, he tries to protect himself as much as possible from changes and maintain a state that was once safe and comfortable for him.

Realize and accept the problem

The first step in getting rid of the past is realizing the problem. You must admit to yourself that you are entangled in your memories, that you are stuck in the days gone by, that this is what prevents you from enjoying life and moving forward. It is important to bang your fist on the table and say to yourself: "Stop!" This will be the impetus for getting rid of old cargo and the beginning of a new cloudless life.

Forgive and love yourself of the past

Forgiving and loving yourself is the surest way to get rid of the past. By continuing to scold and reproach yourself, you will not change past events, but you will greatly poison your present and close the road to the future. But if you let go of what has already happened, you can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

Take a quiet time and replay the past situation in your head that haunts you. And look at it through the eyes of yourself "then", and not yourself "today". Your task is to justify your action. Circumstances, youth, lack of knowledge and experience, lack of support - then you simply could not do otherwise. Forgive and love yourself of the past, even have pity to love yourself in the present.

Treat the past with gratitude

How to get rid of the past? Relate to times gone by not with sadness, but with gratitude. After all, no matter how difficult and vague past events may be, it is to them that you owe what you are now. Difficulties have taught you to be steadfast, courageous. You have become stronger, you have begun to perceive life's troubles easier.

Psychologists in this case recommend using the technique with the poetic name "Pearls of Wisdom". Its essence is to analyze the situation that haunts you, and as a result write on a piece of paper all that she taught you, how she changed you. These are the very "pearls". Thank the past for them and let go of the situation without regret.

Forgive and release people from the past

To start living life to the fullest, it is important to know how to let go of past relationships and connections. Surely there were people in your life who offended you, set you up or left you alone when you needed help. Often, past grievances make it difficult to make new acquaintances and build new relationships. You subconsciously expect a catch and betrayal from everyone.

Give up your resentment and hatred. Those people whom you are offended have long changed, in fact, like you. It is possible that they also regret their deed. Of course, no one forces you to love them, maintain close contacts with them, and so on. But you just have to forgive them. You don't need to tell them about it. Just get rid of the resentment within yourself.

Rewrite old scripts

"Living in the past, how to get rid of it?" - it is with this question that many people come to see a psychologist. In the course of a conversation, specialists often notice that throughout his life the patient walks in a circle, constantly stepping on the same rake, acting in a similar "wrong" way in similar situations.

The reason is that the human brain captures scenarios that fire whenever you find yourself in a similar situation. To break this vicious circle, you need to rewrite the negative scenario of the past in a positive way. Imagine that the situation that haunts you has been resolved in your favor. Think over a sequence of actions that could lead to a positive outcome. This will help you avoid making mistakes in the future.

Learn to appreciate the present

If you are tired of being discouraged, you need to figure out how to get rid of the past and live in the present. After all, what is life? This is what is happening, how you look, what you feel right now. If you constantly dwell on the past, you miss out on unique moments that are irrevocably gone. Very soon they will also become a past for you for which you will blame yourself.

To stop the past from dominating your life, cover it up with thoughts about the present. Think more about how you look now, how you feel now, how comfortable you are now, what you would like now. Surprisingly, such thoughts release inner energy and charge a person with joyful thoughts.

Get rid of excess

The surest way to get rid of past connections and events is to clear your personal space of anything that reminds you of the old days. Hoarding is peculiar to man. Photos, souvenirs, clothes, interior items, dishes - there are probably some memories associated with each thing in your home. And they are not always pleasant.

Set a goal for a month to complete a complete audit of everything stored in your home. As you look at each thing, listen to your inner sensations and the voice of your memory. If there is negative, feel free to dispose of this item (throw it away, give it away, sell it). Gradually surround yourself with new "clean" things that will gradually be filled with positive meaning.

Perform an emotional reset

In the process of looking for means and ways to get rid of jealousy of the past, a person tries to be calm and balanced. But this is not always the right approach. Negative emotions need to be given an outlet to make room for new positive thoughts and feelings.

This can be done in a variety of ways. You can scream loudly, break a cup, tear a newspaper into small pieces, cry bitterly. In terms of emotional relaxation, physical activity helps well, which, moreover, is of considerable benefit to the body in terms of healing and aesthetics.

Effective techniques for dealing with memories

If you can't get rid of memories of the past using basic methods, use additional techniques that work quickly and clearly. Here are the main ones:

• Positive attitude. Before getting out of bed in the morning, tune in to the new experience. Program yourself that the new day will bring positive moments, which will later fall into the "piggy bank" of your pleasant memories.
• Give the negative to the water. If you feel like your thoughts are engulfed in negative memories of the past, go to the sink and turn on the water. Looking at the stream, scroll through everything that bothers you in your head, imagining how negative emotions flow down the drain along with water.
• Change your environment. The ideal scenario is a radical change of residence. A more realistic option is to add new details to your surroundings (re-glue the wallpaper, hang new curtains, acquire new interesting hobbies).
• Expand your social circle. Connecting with people helps you switch from negative thoughts to interesting conversation. It is good if, during a period of emotional decline, you will communicate with some new people with whom you do not have common negative memories from the past.
• Change your image. Internal reincarnation, according to psychologists, is much easier if it is accompanied by external transformation. Visit a hairdresser, adjust your wardrobe, sign up for a gym - renew your appearance.
• Get rid of bad habits. Oddly enough, but this is a common recommendation of psychologists. The fact is that alcohol and nicotine depress the psyche, forcing you to return to the unpleasant moments of the past again and again. By giving up these habits, you cleanse your body and thoughts.

Meditation

Meditation is one of the most effective ways to get rid of your past life. It's simple, affordable, doesn't require any special skills. The main thing is to devote at least a few minutes to meditation every day. This is done as follows:

• Choose a quiet and peaceful place where you will be comfortable, where no one will disturb you.
• Get into a comfortable position. It is not necessary to sit in the lotus position like yoga. You can sit, lie, stand.
• Close your eyes and try to relax completely.
• Imagine that you are surrounded by endless and beautiful nature. But you have a heavy bag in your hands that prevents you from running towards the world around you.
• Open the bag in your mind, finding a pile of stones in it. Throw them out of the bag one at a time, giving each stone some meaning - a past event.
• When the stones "run out", lie down quietly for a few more minutes, then take a refreshing shower to wash off the remnants of the negative.

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How to stop thinking about the past, learn to live in the present

Sometimes, dealing with memories can be very difficult. Especially if the events were very painful and traumatic. Anxious thoughts about the suffered resentment or betrayal for a long time hold the wounded psyche in a long-gone time. Being stuck in the past prevents you from moving forward, it takes a lot of energy and does not allow you to enjoy the joys of the present. How to stop thinking about the past in order to feel the fullness of life?

There is no such mechanism that would remove past memories from memory. But you can change your attitude to a situation that once hurt a lot. And it is necessary to treat it as a lesson.

Lessons from fate

In order not to engage in self-flagellation, it is important to realize that the past turned out the way it did. The combination of circumstances, experience, personal qualities led to those events that left such a strong mark.

Breaking up with a loved one will teach you to be more careful about new relationships, taking into account previous mistakes.

Mistakes help you understand yourself, see those qualities of character that prevent you from living, draw a conclusion and move on.

To prevent the burden of the past from pulling back, it is worth comparing the past and the present, seeing the changes and thanking the situation.

There are no ideal people, everyone can be wrong.

Forgive yourself and other participants in the events in order to live on.

Time heals. If someone has acted unworthily, then sooner or later life will put everything in its place.

Parting psychology

For a woman, parting is one of the most stressful periods in her life.

Girls are so arranged that it is not easy for them to forget a loved one and they sometimes fail to let go of the past for years. But you still have to do it

to build a new one. Psychologists advise be sure to end the relationship correctly. It is often difficult to discuss the situation with the person who caused the pain. But you need to say it so that the unspoken problem does not keep you in suspense.

What happens if the relationship isn't over?

Unable to build new relationships;

In established acquaintances, anxiety and uncertainty visit;

A former partner appears periodically;

Thoughts return to the painful situation. Depression is growing: sleep, appetite worsens;

Each new partner is perceived wary.

If we imagine a person in the form of a vessel filled with energy, then each incomplete connection is a hole through which forces flow. They leave with thoughts, scrolling situations, resentment. When unsuccessful relationships accumulate, there is a huge loss of vitality.

Breaking up relations in all categories

To break a connection, you need to break it at all levels.

Energy. Remember all the good things that happened to this person, thank him and let him go.

Social. To dissolve the marriage, if it has not already happened.

Family. Announce to your family that the separation has taken place and you are no longer husband and wife. Cutting off the connection with the past means learning to live in the present.

Not everyone wants to seek help from a psychotherapist. To prevent the problem from getting worse, it is important to try to cope with it yourself.

Examples of parting with a negative past

1. Reach agreement with the past. Every person makes mistakes and that doesn't make them bad. You should not judge yourself too harshly, you do not need to replay the situation over and over again. This will only lead to a mental disorder and will not give a positive result.
2. Free yourself from negative emotions. Work out each emotion separately:

resentment, fear, guilt, regret. It is they who keep a person in

past and interfere with the present.

1. Forgive yourself and others. When resentment lives in the heart, it closes.

After working through negative emotions, you need to find an opportunity for forgiveness. And, in

first of all, forgive yourself.

1. Everything in life is relative and only death cannot be corrected. Perhaps a difficult situation in the past will eventually turn out to be a pleasant turn in fate.

1. To live in a state of "here and now".

1. Find your purpose in life. There is a truth - what you fear happens. It is better to focus on your desires, write them down and move in that direction.
2. You cannot change the past; you can enjoy the present and influence the future.
3. After analyzing the past, benefit from the wrong actions.
4. Create your own ritual to free yourself from long-gone events.

1. Use visualization to release negativity. With the help of pictures, present a new, interesting and fulfilling life.

Related videos:

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But in my time: how to stop living in the past?

Watching the same movie every day, always listening to the same song, reading only one book - do you often get stuck?

Women love to reflect. It is very convenient to feel sorry for yourself when the present does not stick, and happiness does not fall from the sky. The question is not when it was better: before or now!

Endlessly nostalgic, you betray yourself and lose the opportunity to live on. And more often than not, all this nostalgia closes in on former men, turning into an interesting game.

In a relationship with Artem, you yearn for Oleg, with Vadim you dream of Max, and with Oleg you thought how good it was with Misha.

Let me guess, did you manage to create full-fledged and happy relationships with any of them? Admit it in the comments.

How to stop poking around in the past and start living? For a start - work hard, it's not easy - but you will be satisfied with the results. So, let's go and don't look back!

Mind games

Understand, memory is very selective and only your view of what happened or what it seemed to you (in every sense of the word).

It distorts information if it is associated with not the best experience and emotions. And it adds color if you were happy then, but not very much now.

The likelihood that the past will seem more beautiful and more attractive than it really was, increases significantly.

And even if you were really happier than you are now, will you agree to never have new highlights again?

Santa Claus - no!

Do you remember how in childhood any holiday became a fairy tale? Most likely, the magic was created for you by your parents, grandparents, uncle or aunt.

As you grow up, this feeling dulls or fades away altogether.

Your adult brain already understands how much effort you need to invest in this holiday and is trying to assess its appropriateness.

Magic no longer smells. Anxious anticipation meets boring gatherings with the same conversations, people and gifts that you really did not dream of at all.

To change this is quite simple: you need to take responsibility for your life on yourself and arrange a holiday yourself. In the life of a self-sufficient woman, desires come true in the most suitable way for her. And often worthy men participate in this.

"I can't forget" and "I want to return"

Remembering the former in a new relationship is like standing on the green light when everyone is ready to go ahead.

Of course, you can try to return him if you are sure that you yourself have changed for the better and are ready to build something qualitatively new (and he does not mind at all).

It works if you admit your mistakes and don't hold grudges against him. Otherwise, it is not necessary to raise the walls from the ashes.

How can one get rid of obsessive thoughts about him?

1. Remove the inside. Finally, tell me everything that has accumulated. Write your thoughts and emotions on paper and then burn it. Let yourself be angry with him. If you want, break the dishes, throw away his gifts.

2. Remove from the outside. What else do you keep? Gigabytes of joint photos, old correspondence, sleeping in his T-shirt, a plush rabbit?

It's time to get rid of all the treasures! Yes, yes, and from a hare too!

3. Help of a friend. Do not sit within four walls, feel free to accept invitations from girlfriends and friends, communicate. Share your feelings with someone you trust.

Remember: when you let go of a previous experience, if you go through a lesson, only then something new is pulled up after it.

What if…

It might be easier if we were tormented only by happy memories, but we usually suffer because of the opposite.

The main fear of many women: "What if ... the new relationship will be the same as the previous one?"

And I will tell you this: in order to build a relationship between a man and a woman on love and trust, those very happy ones, you need courage.

This is the case when you have to show courage, take a risk, and as a result receive the very gift and holiday that you have dreamed of all your life.

The same applies to situations when you mentally over and over again return to failures, rash actions, mistakes in the spirit: "But then I would ..."

The most destructive approach to life: fantasizing about a situation that happened a long time ago and gave results.

This is just the case when you need to remember that you bring any experience into your life yourself, literally by the handle - with your thoughts, words, actions. And then you complain that life and fate have treated you unfairly.

Enough feeling sorry for yourself.

In this case, it is important to realize that the experience that you have now, then you did not have. And she just couldn't do otherwise. This is how the circumstances developed.

Here, the quote of Irvin Yalom is very relevant: "Sooner or later, you will have to drop the hope for a better past."

I explain in detail how to do this in my free online course Man: Honest Instructions.

Set the course

Uncertainty often causes more fears than real life moments. You seem to be marking time, afraid to take a step. Let’s decide where you are going.

If only on a piece of paper write down long-term and short-term goals, break them into small steps and move towards them.

In fact, the past affects your life only to the extent that you allow it.

Surely you have heard the phrase "stop moping, better get busy" at least once. Of course, a proposal from the category “advise your own advice”, but there is a rational grain in it.

Women tend to be in the clouds and get hung up on emotions. Therefore, it is not superfluous to ground yourself and keep yourself busy with a new job, a hobby, a small women's business, so that there is no time to think about nonsense.

To distract from the thought process, you need to switch to the physical. This will be the notorious "here and now".

With faith in you, Yaroslav Samoilov.

yaroslav-samoylov.com

How to stop living in the past, live in the present \\ Book of Mind

Many people want to forget about their past, since it is not always good for everyone, but few people know how to stop living in the past, live in the present. Therefore, it is worth considering what is more important to you your past or present, and what methods are there to get rid of unnecessary memories and start living happily and successfully in real time.

In the article, psychologists will give you advice and tell you how to stop living in the past, live in the present, so that your life begins to change for the better and you become much more successful and happier.

How to stop living in the past

The past, which we cannot forget, is sometimes good, sometimes it is bad, so there is no point in thinking about what is harmful in the present. If you have good memories and achievements in the past, think about them, they will allow you to act and achieve success in today's life, since knowledge and experience are very important. But to forget about the bad past and stop living in it, engage in vigorous activity in the present. Find your favorite job or hobby that will be much stronger than your past, then you will not have time to think about it and you will soon forget what you were worried about. Read also what the power of self-motivation is, as it will allow you to move forward, towards goals and dreams.

Don't think about what cannot be returned

You cannot return the past, so why grieve and think about it, live in the present in order to stop living in the past, because this will affect your future. Live where you are now, develop, act and be successful. Why do we need a past that cannot be returned today, especially if it is not very good. After all, the lived hour, minute, moment cannot be returned, this is the past. So we waste our time on the very memories of the past, depression, fear and anxiety. Time goes on and there is not much of it to pay attention to the bad and unnecessary attention, you need to live a happy life, today, at this moment.

Think about the future

Since the past cannot be returned, you need to think about what can be changed, this is our future and present. It has been proven that we all create only because of our desires, thoughts and feelings, since there is nothing random in the world, everything is created by us and the program of nature. Some can and are able to manage their lives with the help of thoughts, while others cannot, because they are busy with memories of the past. At this moment and minute, you create your future with your thoughts, since the present is the result of past thoughts that cannot be changed. Therefore, in order to stop living in the past, live in the present, rejoicing in life, be happy, achieve success and the highest desires, which sometimes go beyond the chapels of our world here.

Get to work

Anyone who thinks about the past has too much free time, which he directs to things that are not really important. Therefore, it is better to get busy, work more, more often and longer, so that you do not have time to think about the past, then you will correct yourself and think about your life and be able to correct it somehow. Thinking about the past you can not fix anything and cause harm rather than benefit to yourself. Hard work and perseverance will allow you to distract not only from unnecessary memories, but also from depression, fear, doubts and insecurities.

Dream and create big goals

To stop living in the past and start living in the present, you need to create a huge dream and big goals. Go to bed with a dream, and wake up with a purpose, then you will be constantly on the move and in the end you will achieve everything you wanted. Do not forget about dreams, as they can give you a hint of what you and how best to do in a particular problem or situation. They will give answers to your questions, for this, read how to interpret dreams correctly, since this is more important than thoughts about the past, since a dream is a clue from the subconscious of what exactly needs to be done and how to act.

PSYCHOLOGIST'S ADVICE

knigarazuma.ru

Every day something new and interesting happens in our life, but often many of us do not notice it. It seems to us that we are moving forward, but in fact we are constantly looking back at events that once occupied an important place in our lives. Of course, it's great when there are good memories, but what if we start living in the past. It is hardly worth comparing the present with the past, because all the same, you cannot turn back time and change something. The only thing that needs to be taken from the past is conclusions about the mistakes made and the successes that have taken place.

If you spend a lot of time on the past, then you should think about the question: "How to stop living in the past?" Constantly thinking about past failures makes it difficult to communicate with loved ones in the present, distracts from work and prevents you from living in the present and experiencing joy in the moment. All people need to be able to let go of the past and not dwell on it. If you exist with thoughts in the past, you will never be able to build a happy future. There are ways to influence yourself and your present and stop living in the past. In this article you will find the most affordable and easy ways that you can implement and thereby help yourself.

First of all, decide for yourself what you are missing in the present. Calm life or positive emotions. It is in your hands to make your life more varied, or vice versa, more calm and measured. Gather your friends and have a party, and then introduce a rule to get together every month.

Try meditation - it frees the mind and body and leads to relaxation. It is important during meditation to think about the present and not return to your past.

Don't regret the past. Try to forgive yourself and others for everything that happened. Forgiveness is the path to liberation. The past was in your life for you to learn and learn a lesson.

There is such an expression: "Here and now" - this should become your slogan in the present and in the future. Here is the place where you live in the present, and now is the time in which you need to live and enjoy every moment of life.

If you have been greatly offended in the past, then you should not withdraw into yourself. There are always people around you who love you and will not betray you. Spend as much time with them as possible, enjoy their attention and love. Force yourself to trust people again, even if it's difficult.

In every situation in life, take responsibility for yourself, be responsible for your words and actions. Of course, you cannot control the actions of other people, but you can change yours. Always participate in all events, and do not become a victim of them. You cannot go back in time, but you can change the future.

The past is your story and if you experience any feelings of regret or resentment, then it is only your choice. Find your goal or remember what you dreamed about before the events that upset you so much. And then boldly move towards your goal, because when you have something to move towards, you will gradually forget about the past.

kanks.ru

How to stop living in the past?

Every day something new and interesting happens in our life. But not everyone notices this, because they live with memories of events from the past. For some, they are pleasant and happy, while others still have resentments and disappointments. But be that as it may, you need to stop living in the past and start living in the present.

Of course, it's very good when you have something to remember. But these memories should not interfere with living in the moment.

It doesn't matter what causes constant thoughts about the old days, positive or negative emotions, but you should clearly realize that the past cannot be returned, and only the present moments should be appreciated.

Often, people who have a lot of free time have the problem of constantly thinking about their past. It is worth finding as many useful and interesting activities for yourself as possible so that life becomes rich and full of positive emotions and impressions.

How to stop living in past relationships?

Any relationship, no matter how strong and reliable they may seem, can break off at the most unexpected moment. None of us is immune from sharp turns of fate and sudden losses.

From the point of view of psychology, it is necessary to stop living in the past, no matter how difficult it may seem at first. There is no point in regretting a relationship that cannot be returned. The past is only worth analyzing and learning a lesson for yourself. Of course, at first it will be difficult not to think about it. An unpleasant aftertaste and feelings of disappointment and resentment will remain on your soul, but you need to understand that you need to live now. Therefore, it is better to communicate more and make new acquaintances. It is also recommended that you find interesting hobbies for yourself that can distract yourself from unnecessary thoughts.

Time flies very quickly, so you need to appreciate every moment and fill your life with positive emotions right now.

Psychology of communication between men and women How to manipulate a man psychology