Psychologists note the strangeness of the recent question about who is more important for a woman - a husband or a child. However, consideration of the situation allows us to understand why this is happening. There is an increasing tendency for both spouses to be unprepared for the appearance of a third helpless man who will be completely dependent on them.
Men are offended by women because they do not pay attention and care to them. At the same time, women say that men do not help them at all in raising children. Both sides are right, since many women start to deal exclusively with children, and men, due to lack of initiative to take part in the child’s life, are fenced off from family life.
Who is the main thing in a woman’s life - a child or a husband? There is no definite answer, since all the ladies are different. There are representatives who fully devote themselves to babies when they are born. There are ladies who continue to live the same life, despite the appearance of the child. They care more about the attitude of men towards them than the development of their children.
The issue under consideration is very complex and ambiguous, what should be understood on the site site.
Who is more important for a woman - a child or a husband?
Why the question arises, who is more important for a woman - a child or a husband? Because when a baby appears in the family, the mother tries to take care of him. Her tasks include staying next to a baby who is either screaming, acting up or hungry, etc. Men do not take on the role of taking full care of newborns, so they cannot understand why their wives change after childbirth.
It should be noted that the life of a man practically does not change with the advent of the baby. He both worked and continues to work. His work after 6 pm does not cry, does not want to handle, is not naughty. In a woman, everything has changed. No matter how she wants to be with her husband, she still runs to a child who cries and remains helpless without her.
Since men are not included in the process of raising a child (taking a walk with him, feed, swaddling, etc.), a woman has to do everything. And this tires, begins to annoy, no matter how beloved and desired the child is. A woman does not even have time to devote herself to talking about a husband who, as a child, is naughty and offended if he does not get his own.
The question of who is more important for a woman - a child or a husband, arises only for those who are not ready for serious family weekdays. When people begin to solve this issue, the problem is not who is more and less important, but why everything has changed for the worse (where a man begins to consider himself the most disadvantaged).
To solve this problem, it is necessary to attract a man to raise a child. Then he will understand how difficult it is to devote time not to himself, but to another person. A woman also needs a lot of effort. While her husband is busy with the baby, she has time to please her husband with something.
Only joint work on family relationships will allow partners to avoid such an infantile question as “Who is more important for a woman - a baby or a man?”. This reflects the lack of efforts that one of the partners makes to build a strong family, now consisting of three or more people. Indeed, the answer is very simple.
Who is more important in a woman’s life - a husband or a child?
The question “Who is more important in the life of a woman — husband or child?” Can be answered unambiguously: one and the other. Few people think about the pointlessness of choosing between two family members, where one is an adult who himself must take part in raising a child, and the second remains helpless and completely innocent in how the relationship between parents develops.
For a healthy and adequate woman, there simply cannot be a choice: for her, both the husband and the child are important, simply each of them has a place in the heart and life of the woman. The husband gives the woman love, help and support. Without him, families cannot exist. And the child is a continuation of the love of husband and wife. How can one choose here, when it comes to unequal values? It is like comparing a table and a chair and wondering which of them is more important in everyday life.
However, the trend of the modern world is far from such ideals. Women continue to be torn between children and husbands, and men maintain their position that there should be a hierarchy in the family, where only they should be the main ones.
Many problems in families arise because men and women look at family relations differently, as well as who should be the main in the family. Women, based on their maternal instinct, highlight the dominant position of the child. The kid cannot control and dictate his own rules, so here he is not a competitor to his father. The question is to whom should a woman devote more time, effort, attention and other resources.
Women believe that small creatures, which are children, should be in the spotlight. This is due to the natural manifestation of instinct, when a woman agrees to devote her time to the baby.
The man has a slightly different position when he continues to think about what is the head of the family. This he needs to devote more time and effort. And the remnants can be given to the child. At the same time, the needs of a baby who cannot take care of himself while the man is busy satisfying his needs are not taken into account.
In the question under consideration, who is more important in the life of a woman - a child or a husband, one moment is missed: what does the woman herself want? Trying to please both the baby and the husband, the woman completely forgets about herself. No one is interested in what a woman wants. It is a tool - a source of attention, love, care and other benefits for a man and a child. And she, succumbing to the propaganda of society, agrees to play the role of a slave to two members of her family who do not think and care about her.
Who in the family of a happy woman is more important - husband or child?
Many problems in families arise when adults begin to compete with a child who can never and should not take their roles. The child has its own role, and each of the parents has its own. In the family of a happy woman, the main ones remain herself, her husband and child equally.
- She understands that she must be rested, healthy and cheerful in order to give only the best to her husband and child.
- She understands that her husband should not be relegated to the background. It is better to involve him in the upbringing of children, so that he helps in the fulfillment of parental responsibilities. And after that they will rest together and take time for each other.
- She understands that the child is not the center of the whole family. This is the same family member as the rest. Over time, he will grow, why he will have to take on some responsibilities. Having matured, he generally leaves the house to create his own family. She and her husband should be engaged in raising children as diligently as in their love relationships for the sake of their preservation and continuation.
Psychologists note various problems that arise in families, where people try to clearly place their husbands and children in the first and second places. What happens if a woman chooses one or another option:
- In a family where the child becomes the main thing, infidelity and even divorce may soon be observed. If a woman does not pay attention to her husband, then their relationship does not add up. The fact that they are officially registered does not change anything. The husband may soon start looking for new hobbies, since his time is free for a woman raising a child. What should he do with himself? Some hobbies, work, even women. And there may be a desire to part with one that does not fulfill its role - to be a woman.
- In a family where the man becomes the main thing, despotism and even totalitarianism flourish. Children do not feel loved and protected, because they do not receive all this from their mother. A woman is busy building relationships with a man who is so elevated at her expense that he no longer considers his family members to be people. Everyone should worship him and satisfy his whims. Otherwise, such family members must be expelled.
Once again, we recall that in this issue, everyone forgets what a woman wants. She doesn’t even think about it herself until she brings herself to tantrums, depression, a depressed state, and illnesses. No one cares about what a woman needs and how to help her free up time to make herself beautiful, cheerful and strong. After all, being happy, she will be able to give happiness to her husband and her child.
Common problems in families where the husband and child are placed in a hierarchical position are:
- Lack of sex between spouses due to the appearance of the child.
- The loss of love feelings that are not supported and not reinforced.
- The loneliness of one or more family members who do not feel necessary and significant.
- Cheating, which is natural if there is no sex.
- Subordination of family members to the "main". Even if a child is put first, his mother and father become his slaves. This provokes the appropriate behavior of the "main".
- Loss of correct guidelines in self-determination, one’s role in the family, marriage as a necessary element, etc. A distorted idea of \u200b\u200bthe role of each family member can soon lead to an unwillingness to create more marriage ties.
- Various mental and physiological disorders in all family members. Even those who are assigned a dominant role.
- Conflicts and quarrels between family members. The problems of fathers and children arise in such families.
Total
You can argue for a long time on the topic of who is more important for a woman - a man or a child, the result will always be disastrous. Whatever woman chooses, she will always be the loser, because first of all she forgets about herself, and secondly she is forced to devote more energy and love to someone than to another.
People easily place husbands and children in the first and second places when they really do not really love their men or are not ready for motherhood. If a woman gave birth, but was not ready to give attention to the baby, then she will naturally move him into the background. If it was important for a woman to give birth to a child, and not to build a family with a man, then she, without hesitation, put her son / daughter in the foreground.
In all the options considered, problems will arise that can soon lead to the loneliness of each family member. Ideally, a man and a woman should remain spouses and parents, paying equal attention to, love and care for the baby. Over time, the child will grow up and leave the family: he should be helped to grow up and become an independent person. But this does not exclude the possibility that between spouses love and passionate relations will remain, as it was before the birth of the child.
The family is not just a cell of society, as they say. This is a small "state" with its own charter, the most important thing in life that a person has. Let's talk about its value and much more.
What is the significance of family in human life?
The family is the place where it all starts: birth, education, transfer of traditions and values, familiarization with society, moral training and moral principles, in accordance with which you need to live, love for the motherland.
The family is associated primarily with parents. It is they who play the main role in the life of every child, give a ticket to a brighter future, cultivate kindness, humanity, tact in it, and help develop empathy.
An important influence on the development of brothers and sisters. Seniors give a sense of emotional security, comfort. Learning about the world and building contact with people is easier. The younger ones also play a great role, since in relation to them the older child shows care, guardianship, goodwill, provides attention, help, demonstrates humanity, gives a sense of security, love and warmth. The value of the family in human life is infinitely great.
Family Ties - The Beginning
A family is a group of people who are connected by marriage or family ties. In psychology and pedagogy, a family is defined as a small social group, the basis of which is the marriage union of spouses, overgrown by the kinship of two or more people who live together.
Family signs
Small society has a number of unique properties:
- Joining this community takes place exclusively on a voluntary and free basis.
- Common between family members can be the budget, cohabitation and housekeeping, the acquisition of any property, material values.
- The presence of common children.
- Compliance with the rights and obligations stipulated by law.
- Group members are connected by moral, psychological and moral unity.
The role of the family in human life and society
The family performs many important functions that ensure its livelihoods. Let's consider some of them:
- The first is reproductive. Pursues the implementation of social and individual tasks. The first is responsible for the reproduction of the population, the second is the satisfaction of the natural need for the birth of children.
- Educational. This is the socialization and education of children until they come of age. Family traditions and values \u200b\u200bare passed on to the baby, moral principles are instilled.
- Economic. The family provides for the satisfaction of primary needs - shelter, food and drink, clothing. Members of a small community conduct a joint economy, acquire and accumulate wealth and values \u200b\u200bin order to transmit to the younger generation.
- Recovery. A person needs protection, love and care. Dissatisfaction with these basic needs leads to problems associated with physical and psychological diseases, resulting in depression, outbursts of aggression and nervous breakdowns both within the family and beyond. This entails divorce, children do not grow up in a full-fledged family. It all depends on if the general spirit is strong, close ones respect, love each other, value, make concessions, can organize leisure and life, their family ship will never break into reefs of problems.
In a family, a favorable emotional environment is very important. Let's talk about it.
Psychological climate
The importance of the family in a person’s life for each will be determined differently. Some honor and respect, express gratitude to their relatives, while others do not find value in this. It all depends on the environment and how a person was brought up.
Allocate a favorable and unfavorable climate.
The climate in the family can be determined by the following characteristics: emotional state, mutual understanding, cohesion, and so on. It is affected by the relationship of the spouses, their attitude to other people, to other family members. In a prosperous family, the psychological climate is determined by benevolence, care, a sense of duty and responsibility, characterized by the common interests of the wife and husband. Now it’s more clear what family matters in a person’s life - paramount.
Let's talk about family values
A strong and friendly family is a small brick of a reliable foundation for a large healthy society; therefore, the role of a modern family in the life of each person individually and of society as a whole is very large. Values \u200b\u200bare the walls of a small cell of society, these are the rules and moral principles, foundations, traditions by which she lives, which she tries not to violate. Judging by them, it is possible to determine how important a family is in a person’s life. Consider the main ones:
- Truthfulness. Honesty in a relationship is the foundation of everything. Without it, it will not be possible to create a strong and reliable rear. It is necessary to read any manifestation of it, to apprehend criticism soundly, for another time you will not hear the truth in your address.
- Flexibility. It is very important to show loyalty in order to avoid unnecessary quarrels and strife.
- Cohesion. Family members need to have personal space and freedom for various activities. But everyone should clearly know that he has a strong family, which he can always return to. To be one, you need to spend leisure time together, meet with relatives.
- Forgiveness. One must be able to forgive, not be offended by trifles. Life is so short as to spend it on unnecessary, energy-consuming, time-consuming and quarreling efforts.
- Generosity. It is necessary from childhood to teach children to give, not demanding in return. This is the bookmark of such valuable qualities as empathy, sensitivity, tact, empathy, humanity and so on. After all, if this is not given to the crumbs at the beginning of his life's journey, then he will not make up for the emptiness of the soul.
- Traditions. Let's talk about family traditions. Each one is different. Some annually visit the graves of their grandfathers, gathering with relatives from all over the world. Others traditionally constantly celebrate their son's birthday in nature with tents. A third every Friday they have a home theater with popcorn. It is important to instill an interest in ancestors from childhood, to teach them to read and remember. You can make a tree of life together - you need to know your ancestors, your roots.
- Curiosity. It is necessary to notice and satisfy the curiosity of the crumbs in time, to help him learn the world.
- Communication. A very important value in every family. We must always talk about everything. Communication forms the trust on which everything rests.
- Responsibility. She appears with age, but her child needs to be vaccinated since childhood. Starting with cleaning toys, maintaining order in the room, caring for a pet, and so on. It will be easy for a child to go through life, possessing this invaluable quality.
Depending on the available family values, a favorable climate, prevailing moral principles and foundations, an image of the family is formed, which will become the face of a cohesive social group. A strong rear will ensure the healthy emotional and physical development of each member of the family: wife, child, spouse.
And what is the role of the family for the child?
Family is the place where the baby said the word "mother", took the first steps. Parents try to give their crumbs all the best, care, affection, love, instill spiritual and moral principles, learn to learn the world. The kid will be able to appreciate her role in his life only as an adult. But parents must tell and demonstrate the importance of the family so that the child knows that he can always turn to them for help and support. The understanding that he has a strong family gives confidence, strength.
Demonstrate the importance of kinship with your child
What is it for? Children can only copy the actions of adults, they adopt the behavior of parents. Therefore, it is important that the latter be a role model for their crumbs, showing by personal example the importance of the family in human life.
Practical tips:
- Family is always in the first place. You need to spend time together as often as possible. These are family holidays, dinners, breakfasts, because children see and adopt the tremulous feelings that are shown by relatives and friends to each other.
- Do not neglect respect. You need to start with yourself. If you do not respect relatives, strangers, your children, in the end they will also treat everyone, and this is scary.
- Create family traditions together.
- Encourage children to do their homework, be sure to praise them for it.
- Show your love for them. More often hug, kiss, say warm words.
- Show your sons the ideal of a family man to take advantage of this model of behavior and create his own strong and reliable family in the future.
Children should be brought up in healthy families, then they will be emotionally more stable and stronger, more balanced, more confident in themselves. Having such luggage behind them, they will never become socially dangerous people and will society, respect themselves, the family, the society in which they live, and existing laws, rules and principles.
My dad had an anniversary yesterday. For the past few days, I’ve been thinking about what he should wish for and began to think about how I generally feel about him.
My dad is a rather reserved person, especially in terms of the manifestation of his feelings. Because of this delicate female nature, it is very difficult to communicate with him because of it, because sometimes I want to receive not forced support - the one that is needed in difficult times, but support for undertakings, the path that you follow carefully and uncertainly. For me, this is now very relevant, because in addition to blogging, I also master other areas that are close to my liking, but completely unknown, those in which I understand little. I hope that someday my dad will be able to provide me with the necessary support, but for now I just continue to work on our relations and move in this direction.
It was a digression 🙂
As you know, the theme of my post is about respect for my father. As I said, I thought about how I feel about dad. And I realized that I have deep respect for him. Why? Yes, he is a rather talented and respected person in his circles, yes, he is decent and responsible. He has a good sense of humor, he is kind and merciful. But that is not the reason for my respect.
Who's in charge of the family: the key to respect
Today, I am deeply convinced that respect for the father in a child is formed in the family. If a man is respected by his woman - the mother of his children, then the children will automatically respect him too. At the same time, children cannot be fooled. Even if outwardly a woman tries to show respect for a man, but does not really consider him an authority, a man and a woman constantly find out who is in charge of the family, the child will reflect the woman’s true attitude towards the man with his disrespectful behavior. If we talk about my parental family, then my mother (despite the fact that she always strove for imaginary independence) always respected dad, recognized his talents, considered his opinion, they never had a question about who is in charge of the family. That’s why my sister and I have always respected him (and that’s why, by the way, Dad achieved heights in his career). When they were younger, they thought about their decisions based on whether dad would have to blush for us.
Do you know, by the way, that according to Yandex statistics, no one is interested in how to teach your child to respect his father? Honestly, this surprises me, because respect for dad is incredibly important for the future happy life of a child. If the family respects the father, the boys want to grow up as men, on a subconscious level they acquire masculine qualities - strength, responsibility for women. Respect for dad for a girl is difficult to overestimate. Respect for the father in the parental family lays the future woman with respect for men, for her husband - which is a mandatory, vital component of family happiness.
Dear girls, please remember this when raising your own children. By laying them respect for your father, you are sowing the seeds of their future happy life.
With warmth in my heart and best wishes, Polina.
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Often, situations with your child may arise about what to do. A child wants one at a time, you want another.
For example, you are tired and want to go home, the child still wants to walk in his sandbox with the children. How to be.
Different parents act differently.
Someone takes a hand and pulled himself home, despite the cry of his child.
Someone is standing and waiting, despite being tired and hungry.
Which behavior is optimal?
If you really need to do something or go somewhere, try talking to your baby. It happens that a child (depending on age) understands from 10-15 times that you need to go and is ready to go home.
It is better to solve the problem by communication.
If my child does not want to go home, I do as follows, walked up once, informed him of his intention, then walked up again, informed, then again ...
Until he agrees and we peacefully go home.
PARENTS OFTEN FALL INTO THE STATUS OF THE MAIN REGARDING CHILDREN
Such a status is fraught with bad consequences, the children begin to fear you ... and where there is fear, there is no love.
You break off your direct relationship and move away, if you can give an example for comparison, you stood nearby and talked comfortably, and now you climbed the mountain and give commands to your children, this is a different quality of communication.
Here the child will no longer say that he does not like something, he will be silent or obey, because he is afraid to argue.
As a rule, children in such families can leave their families early on in an independent life, so as not to be eternal, infringed on their rights, subordinate but as a full-fledged person.
See how your child communicates with his peers, very lively, interested ...
What about you?
If you are squeezed, meager, and looking for a reason to quickly move away from your communication, it means that there is a big camp and distance between you, maybe you keep yourself in status and feel the main thing, and he is a subordinate and must do what you tell him whether he wants it or not .
WHEN YOU CAN REVIEW YOUR RELATIONSHIPS IN A FAMILY WITH A CHILD
Revisiting is never too late.
The first thing you can track is how often do you behave incorrectly in relation to the child? If the answer is - he is always wrong. You are in status.
If you are still wrong with him, the next question.
And how often do you apologize for your mistakes? Never or rarely - you are in a "big parent" status.
We must ALWAYS apologize to him. You will be amazed at how quickly your children will forgive you for being sad about your mistakes. They want to be friends with you
Perhaps your father or mother treated you like that and you took their model of behavior - to subordinate children to your will.
But it's never too late to reconsider.
It is sometimes useful to do the following from time to time in order to restore the mental balance of the child, this is to give yourself control over it.
For example, he tells you where to sit, where to go, do it, it's okay.
Sometimes he tells you what is and what to bring, too, can be done. You will be surprised how friend you will become to him.
The main thing is to keep balance, if the child can wear shoes himself, and he requires that you put them on, well, it would be better if he put them on.
In general, always look and analyze your behavior, and you can also track whether it hurt the child or not.
Keep a balance.
Parenting is a very difficult process, no matter how old your child is. This serious pressure in itself, in addition, your every action is constantly evaluated by others: strangers, friends, relatives. If you take an active part in the life of the child, you will find out that you are too intrusive and spoil the life of the baby. If you allow your child to be more independent, you will probably be reproached for not trying. No matter what you do, there will always be someone who will point you to your mistakes. However, if your child is naughty and moody, your fault is really there: at least your responsibility is to correct the situation. Children repeat what they see on TV or at school, however, it is the parents who must respond to their incorrect behavior. It may seem unfair to you, but that's how life works. If you do not respond, no one else will. The first step to the proper education of a capricious child will be to establish the causes of abnormal behavior. So what are you doing wrong?
You think the baby is just showing himself
If your child bites, achs, or fights, and you tell yourself that this is normal behavior for the baby and over time it will pass, you have a problem. Even at a young age, you can control your child’s behavior. Ask what made him angry, why did he start biting? Understand emotions. If you do not make the child think about the consequences of his behavior, you make him spoiled. This only exacerbates your current problem.
You don't let the baby grow
Many parents with the assistance of children simply do not allow the latter to grow up. They do not allow children to bear responsibility for anything, be responsible for themselves and make their own decisions. This negatively affects the growing up of the child. If you are afraid that your child will not be able to survive your inhibitions, you are to blame for his behavior yourself. As a result, even in relatively adulthood, the baby continues to behave as in the early years. And all because you do not give him the opportunity to change and do not require him any responsibility.
You blame someone else
Of course, it is unfair that children watch programs that should be educational and useful, but receive unsuccessful information from there - they begin to behave rudely and disrespectfully. Children behave as shown on TV, and you have to deal with it! Yes, this is unfair, but this is your responsibility: you can restrict watching TV or discuss with the children the essence of what they saw. Just because you are not setting a bad example for a child does not mean that you do not need to explain what is wrong with him. Do not think that responsibility may lie with someone else.
You do not understand what it means to be a parent
To be a good parent, some moms and dads try to fulfill all the requirements of a child. In fact, you should not be a servant - you are a leader. Look at the child objectively and think soberly. You should not set a goal to show your child that he is the best in the world, your goal is to raise a mature, responsible person, a good member of society. This does not mean that you should love your child less, just do not idealize it.
You show the child that he is special
Being a parent is not easy, no one wants to refuse a child, and children do not like it when they are refused. As a result, the child gets used to the fact that they always agree with him. He considers himself special, and he always has only a few. The child wants one and the other, he begins to whine if he does not get what he wants. The problem is developing rapidly and developing into something much more intense. Teach him from early childhood that your baby is not the center of the universe and that not all of his desires can be fulfilled at that moment.
You forgive everything because the baby is small
Just because a child is small does not mean that you do not have to try to discipline him. Even if abnormal behavior at his age is permissible, it still does not become the norm. It is your task to say what kind of behavior is wrong. For example, bites or fights, quite expected from a small child, at seven or eight are simply unacceptable. No need to wait for the extremes, you should explain the problem right away, even if the child is three. Then at a more conscious age you will not need to deal with a chronic problem.
You let you be rude
If your child can call you rude, behaves disrespectfully towards you in front of other adults or your friends, demands something without saying “thank you” and “please”, and you don’t react in any way, all responsibility for such behavior lies on you. If you allow the child to communicate with you in a way that you would not allow your partner or colleague to communicate with you at work, you spoil him. Communication should not be formal, but it should be built on respect, be sure to bring it to the child.
You are not too careful
You should always remember what kind of behavior you expect from your child. Think about it every time you act - if you want to raise a polite child, teach him to say “please” from early childhood. Watch how you build sentences yourself, your personal example will be the best way to show your baby how to behave.
You are biased
It is clear that many are biased towards their own children, nevertheless, this spoils their life. You allow the child to be capricious and find excuses for yourself. If you are objective, it will be easier for you to achieve change for the better. Just learn to look at the problem from the side and evaluate it sensibly. So your child will only get better!
You don't fight tantrums in public
If you do not teach children to behave decently and allow them to arrange scenes, you show them that you can completely not control yourself. Your child’s feelings and discontent should not interfere with others, so try to firmly suppress such behavior every time.
Are you afraid to be tougher
You think too much and worry that the child will be offended. Failures do not spoil your self-esteem, you will not destroy the connection that unites you. At the same time, failures will teach the child to behave respectfully towards you. Isn't that your goal? 
You protect the child from everything
If you try to protect the child from the consequences of his own actions, you do not give him the opportunity to understand what is happening as a result of this or that act, and to learn that there are problems in refusing to perform duties. If your child does not know what happens to naughty children, he cannot become responsible and understand what necessity is. Children should understand when you are disappointed that the reason is in them. Learn to convey to the child what exactly you expect from him.
Are you afraid to be in charge
Do not be afraid to show your authority. Moody behavior manifests itself in children of those parents who do not know how to prove themselves and be the main thing. You do not have to always compromise and explain everything to the child, he should not always agree with you. You must show your authority and show: sometimes you have to do something that you don’t want to do. It is in the interests of your own baby. Understand that you should be a parent, not a friend or attendant, behave accordingly.
