What if mom doesn’t support? What to do if relationship with mom is not going well

If something doesn’t suit us very much in relations with a man, we can say at any moment: "I'm sorry, but our paths diverge here." Of course, it will not be easy, but, as they say, we are not obliged to be near those whom we do not need. The same applies to friends who, for some reason, cease to be them: from some we are moving away gradually, with others we quickly break any ties.

But there are those in our environment who will always be there, despite misunderstandings and conflicts. We are talking about close relatives, namely the only and beloved mother.

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Unfortunately, not everyone has a trusting relationship with their mother. Sometimes conflicts arise due to the fault of the daughter, sometimes the mother is to blame, but still more often both do everything possible so that they can then hardly be in the same room.

In this case, both mother and daughter suffer. The first believes that she undeservedly receives one after another slap in the face from the person to whom she has devoted all of herself, and the second is sure that she is doing everything right and her mother simply does not understand her. Is it possible to improve relations with the mother when it seems that they are at an impasse? We will give you some tips that will help you to get closer to the dearest person again, leaving behind endless quarrels.

Do not forget who you swear

Sometimes you get into a rage and start throwing the most unpleasant words to the offender. However, it is very important to remember exactly who is standing in front of you now. It is one thing to argue with a work colleague or girlfriend that you cannot rely on, and quite another with your own mother. No matter how trite it may sound, but this man not only gave you life on your birthday - he was there in the most difficult moments, helped to get up when you fell from a swing or a tricycle, blew on abrasions and bruises, did not sleep at night, when you had a temperature, and was ready to give your own life for you, if necessary.

123RF / Evgeny Atamanenko

Yes, now you are looking at your mother, and it seems to you that in front of you is just a stubborn, standing his own and not even trying to understand you tyrant, but just imagine that this tyrant would suddenly not be. She is already young and may need help just like you when you were little.

Therefore, always remember who you are cursing with and choose your words carefully. Firstly, there will come a time when you cannot forgive some of them. And secondly, being more selective in expressions, you will be able to smooth out the already sharp corners.

Stand in her place

You should not think that life’s difficulties only haunt you, your mother also has plenty of them. Of course, there are a lot of reasons for conflicts between a mother and a daughter, but the vast majority of psychologists claim that very often maternal dissatisfaction with one’s own life lies at the core. Perhaps your mother once left your mother, and now she has serious health problems. Here you want it or not, but you will periodically pluck the anger from your close people. Never forget that mom is not a robot. This is a man with his thoughts, feelings, problems and fears. Maybe you should pick the right moment and talk with her heart to heart?

Talk

Despite the fact that we agreed to protect the feelings of a loved one, we’ll clarify that it’s not worth hushing up grievances, especially since your mother will tell you about everything that does not suit you. Try and you to voice your dissatisfaction, just present it in a more positive way. Instead of “you never listen to me, you don’t even care what I feel!” You can say “please listen to me, I’m sure that you will understand me”, and the phrase “of course you have the most terrible daughter in the world!” Is better replace with "your praise means a lot to me."

123RF / Iakov Filimonov

It is very important for her to know that you need her as much as she did 20 years ago. Therefore, do not forget to consult with your mother about how to cook this or that salad or remove stains of red wine from a white blouse. Firstly, the advice of a woman who clearly has more experience in these matters than yours will really help you. And secondly, your mother will see that you did not think to forget about her, that she is for you the same smart and wonderful woman in the world. In addition, if you know that she has a weakness for moralizing, it will be better if you choose the topics for these moralizing yourself.

123RF / Vadim Guzhva

Take an interest in her life

People in age are particularly acute experiencing inattention on the part of loved ones. That is why the call of a grandson from another city is a great reason to brag to girlfriends.

Be more attentive to your mother: take an interest in her well-being, come to visit, bringing her favorite sweets as a hotel, and buying the little things you need in your household for your home, sometimes remember to buy something for her as well.

You will see that such a gentle and caring attitude eventually melts the ice between you, and you can hold meetings without reproaches and scandals.

Unloved child. Children perceive everything differently. Somewhere easier, somewhere more painful. The dislike of a mother - the closest and closest person - can be felt with skin when a mother screams and punishes without a reason, when you hear so many rude offensive words from my mother’s lips, when you are a daughter, and mother is always more affectionate with her brother, and you are always more in demand .

The child feels everything. And even if you do not openly tell him: “I do not love you!”, The child knows, although he does not understand. The child reaches for mom, approaches and hugs. Mom is always cold, never speaks sweet words, never praises.

A person grows, grows up, understands more and more, sometimes in conversations of adults and something like “will give birth to a daughter, and I wanted a son, and it was a pity to refuse, what would people say?” Or “I gave birth to her so hard, that could not fall in love. " And now the man is 20, 30, 40 years old. And the relationship is becoming more and more difficult, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find a common language with her mother, and it is already not easy for her to hide her irritation.

What to do? Unsubscribe from communication? Move away and cut off all connections? Not an option. Mom, though not loving, still remains a mom. And for her in this situation, for sure, is also not easy. She doesn’t feel tender feelings for her child, she has not learned to love, like everyone else. And, of course, blames himself for it. But mother was not a cuckoo, she didn’t give up, she didn’t refuse, she brought up, as it turned out, tried to give everything she could. Suppose she was more often unfair, but ignored the rest of the time.

let's try to cope with the situation ? The most important and most difficult thing to do is to forgive mom for her missing feeling. And let you understand with your mind that my mother did not refuse, apparently, only because she was afraid of the condemnation of her act by others. And let the confidence sit somewhere inside that if your parents already had a child of the same desired gender, you would hardly be given a chance to live. However, they gave a chance and did not leave the hospital. And brought up. And they cared. So the next thing to do is give thanks mother for life and for the house, for her efforts and care.

Love yourself. Also not easy to do. Having lost affection and love all his life, a person, as a rule, does not treat himself very well. We must try to overcome this barrier. The following training is very suitable for this.

At a time when you are alone and no one can interfere. Turn off the phone. You can turn on quiet, calm music as a background. We settle down, close our eyes. And imagine yourself as a child. Do not remember yourself, namely mentally become a child, return to this state of mind. And love yourself child with all your heart, with all your soul. Call yourself the most affectionate words, look in the eyes, smile. Wrap this child with all the love that is so lacking now. Hug yourself child, shake in your arms. You can sing a lullaby or do something else that you wanted to get from your mother, but she could not give. Return to the current state, retaining this feeling of love and warmth.

Do not go in cycles. It is necessary to stop constantly thinking about what mom does not like. Take it for granted and let it go. It’s hard and painful to let go of resentment. But you have to say goodbye to her in order to open your heart to happiness.

Love mom.Yes, oddly enough, but resentment takes the form of love, and we ourselves, resentful, call our resentment love. But we have already released the insult. Now you have to let in love. To do this, you can use this training. Put your mother’s photo in front of you or just imagine your mother’s image. Remember how mom smiles, moves, what kind of voice she has. Again, mentally return to childhood and remember rare pleasant moments, delicious mother’s pies or how mom sits at needlework. Try to think about mom with tenderness.

Build relationships.It all depends on the circumstances of the present. Of course, to call mom and from the quarry: “Mom, I know that you are not me, but let's keep in touch!” - it will be rude, stupid and inappropriate. And let’s make it a rule to call mom at least once a day and be interested in her well-being, affairs, her concerns? That would really be a good start. Talk about your affairs, ask for advice or be interested in your mother’s opinion. Let mom feel fit. When love comes from a person, it compensates for the love that a person has not received from the outside.

Of course, the tips are very general and you need to adapt to your story. And, besides, there are very difficult situations when you can’t get along with the thought that my mother does not like. In this case, a visit to a psychologist will be the best solution. It should also be taken into account that people tend to make mistakes. Sometimes behind “endless empty nit-picking and eternal control” is the desire to patronize, anxiety for the child and great motherly love.

Tips are more suitable for women.

In this article I want to talk about one difficult topic that many of my clients have encountered: the lack of love in their lives. Most often, we are talking about maternal love, when a person does not feel that his mother loves him, and the mother shows some kind of behavior that confirms this, or this behavior indicates that she repels the child.

This is a rather difficult question, because people, as a rule, come to various practices and do them with the hope, with a certain illusion, that something will change in the life of their mother, in her condition, and she will finally love them. They have such an illusion: “I will change so much that it will change my mother’s attitude towards me, or heal something inside my mother, and my mother will finally love me.” And having passed a large number of trainings, various courses, people still have not received their mother’s love, but still hold on to this illusion that by transforming themselves, they will be able to change something in their relationship with their mother, they will be able to feel or see what Mom finally loves them.

What happens inside a person who is deficient in maternal love?

Inside a person, there are two completely opposite parts. The first part really in childhood was faced with the fact that something was missing in the relationship with mom. Maybe even what a person calls love. The child could not feel maternal love or the love of parents, mother or father.

At the same time, he experiences a feeling of loneliness, a feeling of loss, and the child is alone with this, he does not know what to do, how to overcome it, how it can be resolved at all, and whether something can be changed. Moreover, all these feelings are hidden inside, they are hidden: sadness, sadness from the fact that there is no love is all hidden and suppressed. Then in life this can somehow manifest itself, but in childhood it is all cemented inside.

At the same time, a person does not have a feeling of stability, some kind of support, but there is a feeling that he can die at any moment, that is, he has a fear of death. And this fear of death appears due to the fact that it is not valuable to parents, parents do not like it, and anything can happen at any moment, and parents will not protect it, will not help, and the child thinks that he may die.

On the other hand, another part appears in the person who is persistently seeking contact with his parents. It is so hard to be in the first state that a person lives under the illusion that sooner or later something will happen, and my mother will love me, my mother will accept me. Or it’s so hard and painful that the idealization of parents arises, thoughts arise that in fact they love him, they accept him, there is simply something that prevents them from showing this love and so on.

On the one hand - it’s hard and painful, and on the other hand - a persistent desire to establish contact and receive that same love.

How do these processes manifest themselves in life?

Sometimes a person, already an adult, continues to “shake” his mother. This is an internal process; it does not occur in the literal sense of the word. But literally a person can come and make some claims to his mother that he does not feel like a child, does not feel loved, to say that she never loved him. In this case, the mother may absolutely not understand what is at stake. From her point of view, she gave everything to the child, and does not understand what the problem is, what her adult daughter or adult son is talking about.

The fact is that mom is included in something in her Family-tribal system, and she simply cannot give what her child requires of her, called it love, or called it support. It is very important to understand here that your task of healing your mother is most likely a failure. You will not be able to make her life, her condition different, and give her something that will allow her to be another mother for her child. It all depends on what you want.

This article is primarily for children who are still “shaking” their mother. For those who have in my life there was "I want to get my mother's love", "I will do everything to get my mother's love." You need to understand that the idea of \u200b\u200bhealing your mother or changing for your mother so that she finally loves you is a failure. Mom is included in something, mom is already in this process, there can be no other.

Here, most likely, the question is how can you separate from this process. Perhaps this will happen when you see, with the help of the arrangement, what your mother is included in. It is possible that your path will be some other, but your task is to understand from this article that your idea of \u200b\u200breaching out to your mother is a failure, because it was impossible from the beginning. The second thing you need to understand is what you want to do next. Do you want to deal with this somehow for yourself in order to get out of this relationship or separate from this dependence on mother’s love, and then, with some resources that can be obtained from this situation, move in your life?

Build relationships.It all depends on the circumstances of the present. Of course, to call mom and from a quarry: “Mom, I know that you do not love me, but let's keep in touch!” - it will be rude, stupid and inappropriate. And let’s make it a rule to call mom at least once a day and be interested in her well-being, affairs, her concerns? That would really be a good start. Talk about your affairs, ask for advice or be interested in your mother’s opinion. Let mom feel fit. When love comes from a person, it compensates for the love that a person has not received from the outside.

Tips are more suitable for women.

Not often and not everyone will come up with the idea that a mother may not love her own child. More often, maternal love is presented as something that is not subject to any conditions, something absolute and even divine. Many believe that maternal love is the same for all women, that the mother will not only understand and support any of her children, but also forgive him for the most serious crime. It seems that stronger than mother's love there is nothing in the world. However, this is not always true, and not all mothers love their children equally. \\ R \\ n \\ r \\ nAll public ideas about life and people have always been based on maternal love, and if not lucky, then on maternal dislike. Typically, conflicts between mothers and children occur because children disagree with how their own mother loves them. In turn, mothers are also not always able to correctly assess the degree and quality of their love for children. \\ R \\ n \\ r \\ nMaturely over time, daughters also suffer from discomfort and lack of maternal love and attention. Sometimes this affects their future fate and the way they build their relationships with people around them. Critically minded mothers can find fault with their children, most often daughters, throughout their entire conscious lives. They are trying to raise adult children who already have their own children. And then these same mothers complain about the small amount of attention that their children give them. \\ R \\ n \\ r \\ n \\ r \\ n

\\ r \\ nThe most paradoxical thing in this situation is that the daughters of such mothers try to get approval from the parent, see the smile on their face and, perhaps, hear praise from them. But such mothers will not change. Unfortunately, this fact can be difficult to understand and accept, although this is the only way to get out of the vicious circle. \\ R \\ n \\ r \\ n

\\ r \\ n \\ r \\ nPsychologists recommend reconciling with the situation and accept the fact that the mother does not like. If you accept this, then life will become much easier. You can build your own life without looking at the opinion of the mother. In addition, in such a situation one should not be at enmity with the parent, mothers live quite peacefully under the same roof with their children, whom they do not like, but do not deny their existence. Just their communication takes place on a slightly different level. They can respect each other as individuals, but not invade personal space. The main thing is to remember that the mother will not change. Therefore, it is better to let go of the situation and live your life, where there may be a loving husband and children.

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A yell, a groan, a complaint: “What if my mother doesn’t love me !?” sometimes breaks out of the heart of big and small, impressionable and restrained.

Let’s think, what do we call such “dislike”? Usually this is a misunderstanding and categorical criticism of interests, views, social circle, etc. They also say "my mother does not love me" when there are no obvious and noticeable manifestations of love. Or instead of them there are constant nit-picking and comments. It is by these external signs that we understand whether we are loved.

Why does mom not love me? Learning love from childhood and all life

To begin with, each mother was also a daughter. She was raised by your beloved grandmother. And the model of behavior was transmitted, or rather, absorbed precisely from it. Even if the grandmother is the very embodiment of kindness now, what kind of mother she was and how much she knew how to surround her children with love, you will most likely never know.

If a person, then he simply does not have the resources to project it further. Of course, this is quite possible to learn. But first you need to realize this need, and then daily and every minute to learn the art of true love.

The childhood of modern young (and not so) parents was still “captured” by the times of the Soviet Union, when criticism and self-criticism, censure and criticism were everywhere encouraged. The ability to praise and support was not taught. The science of building harmonious relationships at school did not pass.

Perhaps your mother simply does not know how, does not know how to correctly express her tenderness, love and affection. Perhaps it seems to her that the words “I love you” are intended only for the most important moments in life? What do they lose their value from repeated repetition?

Try to say that you love her, your dear mother: as often as this feeling flickers in your soul. Only this must be done sincerely and without destructive irony. You see, such sincerity will very soon wake up and response manifestations of feelings. Show interest in your mother’s activities or hobbies. Perhaps, for the daily routine care of the family, she did not have time for herself at all? This greatly depresses and dulls all warm and sublime feelings. Help free up time, go together to a modern photo exhibition or cafe. You will be able to discuss her and your interests, even those that have not been seen before.

Mom doesn’t love me, but her little sister loves me ...

What should I do if my mother does not love me and does not let me go for a walk or forbids me to meet with a certain company? Many young people, without hesitation, on the principles of parenting and parental responsibility, perceive any prohibitions and restrictions as a lack of love. At the same time, they forget that for 15, 17, 20 years, responsibility for the life and development of the young man lay on their - parental - shoulders. Following this logic, a two-year-old baby should have stated that his mother did not “love him” on the basis of a ban on sticking her fingers in a socket or plug in her ear.

Wise mothers can reduce guardianship as their children grow up. But this does not mean at all that their anxiety and anxiety are also reduced. Sometimes they break out. And then the more reasons, the more attempts to save or. Increased anxiety and anxiety are expressed in the desire to protect the child from all life dangers and troubles. This is due to really a lot of aggression in the modern world, and a natural concern about who we love.

Yes, it is strong love that makes a normal, adult, sensible person lose his head and for the fifth time in a day call with a reminder not to forget an umbrella, or cause a scandal due to a five-minute delay. So all the accumulated tension and fear of losing the most dear person spills out. Respect or at least understand this feature of all parents. Come ten minutes ahead of the promised time. Gently but confidently explain that a reminder of the little things really offends you.

Talk to your mom about your feelings and ask how she feels. And the bridge of your relationship, even if it is shaken, it will never collapse.

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The most expensive word in life for every person is mom. She was for us the source of the most valuable - life. How does it happen that there are children and even adults from whom you can hear scary words: “Mom does not love me ...”? Can such a person become happy? What consequences in adulthood await an unloved child and what to do in such a situation?

Unloved child

In all literary, musical and artistic works, the image of the mother is glorified as tender, kind, sensitive and loving. Mom is associated with warmth and care. When we feel bad, we will voluntarily or involuntarily shout “Mom!”. How does it happen that for someone, mom is not that way. Why are we increasingly hearing: “What if my mother does not love me?” From children and even adults.

Surprisingly, such words can be heard not only in problem families, where parents fall under the category of risk groups, but also in families that are, at first glance, very prosperous, where everything is normal in a material sense, mother takes care of the child, feeds him, puts on clothes , escorts to school, etc.

It turns out that on the physical level, you can fulfill all the responsibilities of the mother, but at the same time deprive the child in the main thing - in love! If a girl does not feel motherly love, she will go through life with a heap of fears and complexes. This also applies to boys. For the child, the internal question: “What if my mother does not love me?” Develops into a real catastrophe. Boys, in general, having matured, will not be able to relate to a woman, they will, without noticing it, unconsciously avenge her for the lack of love in childhood. It is difficult for such a man to build adequate, healthy and full, harmonious relations with the female sex.

How is maternal dislike manifested?

If a mother is prone to regular moral pressure, pressure on her child, if she tries to distance herself from her baby, not to reflect on his problems and not to listen to his wishes, then most likely she really does not love her child. The constantly-sounding internal question: “What if my mother does not love me?” Leads the child, even an adult, to depressive states, which, as you know, are fraught with consequences. A mother’s dislike can arise for various reasons, but most of all she is connected with the father of the child, who did not properly treat her woman, was greedy with her in everything, both in material and in feelings. Perhaps mom was completely abandoned, and she is raising a child herself. And then there’s more than one! ..

All the dislike of a mother for a child arises from the difficulties she experiences. Most likely, this woman, being a baby, was not loved by her parents herself ... It would not be surprising to discover if this mother herself as a child wondered: “What if mother doesn’t love me?”, But didn’t look for answers and what- either change in your life, but just unnoticed for yourself, went the same way, repeating the model of behavior of your mother.

Why doesn’t mom like?

It is hard to believe, but there are situations in life of total indifference and hypocrisy of a mother to her child. Moreover, such mothers can publicly praise their daughter or son, but left alone to insult, humiliate and ignore. These mothers do not limit the child in clothing, food or education. They do not give him elementary affection and love, do not talk heart to heart with the child, are not interested in his inner world and desires. As a result, the son (daughter) does not like mom. What to do if trusting sincere relations do not arise between mom and son (daughter). It even happens that this indifference is imperceptible.

The child perceives the world through the prism of motherly love. And if she is not, then how will the unloved child see the world? From childhood, a child asks the question: “Why am I unloved? What's wrong? Why is my mother so indifferent and cruel to me? ” Of course, for him it is a psychological trauma, the depth of which can hardly be measured. This little man will come into adulthood, sandwiched, notorious, with a mountain of fears and not at all able to love and be loved. How can he build his life? It turns out that he is doomed to disappointment?

Examples of negative situations

Often, mothers themselves do not notice how they created a situation with their indifference when they already ask themselves: “What if the child does not like mother?” And do not understand the reasons, again blaming the child. This is a typical situation, moreover, if a child asks a similar question, he seeks a way out with his childish mind and tries to please his mother, blaming himself. And mom, on the contrary, never wants to understand that she herself was the cause of such a relationship.

One example of an unwanted attitude of a mother to her child is a standard school grade in a diary. One child is encouraged if the grade is low, they say nothing, the next time it will be higher, and the other will be choked up and will be called mediocrity and lazy ... It happens so that my mother doesn’t care at all, and she doesn’t look at school and the diary , and won’t ask if a pen is needed or a new notebook? Therefore, to the question: "What if the children do not like mom?" First of all, it is necessary to answer the mother herself: "And what did I do to make the children love me?" Moms pay dearly for neglecting their children.

Golden mean

But it also happens that a mother pleases her child in every possible way and grows a “daffodil” out of it - these are also anomalies, such children are not very grateful, they consider themselves the center of the universe, and their mother a source of satisfying their needs. These children will also grow up not knowing how to love, but they will learn to take and demand well! Therefore, everything should be a measure, the "golden mean", rigor and love! Whenever a child does not like mom, you need to look for the roots in relation to the parent of his child. It, as a rule, is distorted and crippled, requires adjustment, and the sooner the better. Children can quickly forgive and forget the bad, in contrast to the already formed adult consciousness.

Constant indifference and negative attitude towards the child make an indelible imprint on his life. Mostly even indelible. Only a few unloved children in adulthood find the strength and potential in themselves to correct the negative line of fate laid down by their mother.

What should a parent do if a child of 3 years old says that she does not like her mother and can even hit her?

This situation is often the result of emotional instability. Perhaps the child lacks attention. Mom does not play with him, there is no bodily contact. The baby often needs to be hugged, kissed and told him about mom’s love for him. Before going to bed, he needs calming, stroking his back, reading a fairy tale. The situation of relations between mom and dad is also important. If it is negative, then do not be surprised at the behavior of the child. If there is a grandmother in the family, then her attitude to mom and dad is a powerful influence on the psyche of the child.

In addition, there should not be too many prohibitions in the family, and the rules are the same for everyone. If the child is too naughty, then try to listen to him, find out what worries him. Help him, show an example of calm resolution of any difficult situation. This will be a great brick in his future adult life. And all fights, of course, need to be stopped. When swinging at mom, the child needs, clearly looking in the eyes and holding his hand, firmly say that you can’t beat mom! The main thing is to be consistent in everything, act calmly and judiciously.

What can not be done

Most often, the question “What if I’m not a child beloved by my mother?” Children who have already grown up ask themselves too late. The thinking of such a person is already formed and is very difficult to correct. But do not despair! Awareness is the beginning of success! The main thing is that such a question does not turn into a statement: "Yes, nobody loves me at all!"

It’s scary to think, but the internal statement that I’m unloved by my mother disastrously affects relationships with the opposite sex. If it so happened that the son does not love his mother, then he is unlikely to be able to love his wife and children. Such a person is unsure of his abilities, does not trust people, cannot adequately assess the situation at work and outside the home, which affects his career growth and the environment as a whole. This also applies to daughters who do not love mothers.

You can’t lead yourself into a dead end and say to yourself: “Everything is wrong with me, I’m a loser (loser), I’m not good enough (good), I ruined (ruined) my mother’s life”, etc. Such thoughts will lead to an even greater dead end and immersion in the created problem. Parents are not chosen, so the situation must be released, and mother forgive!

How to live and what to do if mom does not love me?

The reasons for such thoughts are described above. “But how to live with this?” Asks the unloved child in adulthood. First of all, you need to stop perceiving everything tragically and close to your heart. Life is one, and what quality it will be, for the most part depends on the person himself. Yes, it’s bad that this happened with the relationship between mom, but that’s not all!

I must firmly say to myself: “I will no longer allow my mom to influence negative messages in my direction! This is my life, I want to have a healthy psyche and a positive attitude towards the world around me! I can love and be loved! I can give joy and accept it from another person! I love to smile, I will wake up with a smile every morning and fall asleep every day! And I forgive my mother and do not keep her angry! I love her just for giving me life! I am grateful to her for this and for the life lesson she gave me! Now I know for sure that a good mood should be appreciated and fight for the feeling of love in my soul! I know the price of love and I will give it to my family! ”

Changing consciousness

It is impossible to love by force! Well, okay ... But you can change your attitude and the picture of the world drawn in our head! You can radically change your attitude to what is happening in the family. This is not easy, but necessary. You may need the help of a professional psychologist. If we are talking about a girl, she must understand that she will be a mother, and the most valuable thing that she can give her child is care and love!

No need to strive to please mom, and anyone else. Just live and just do good deeds. Do it necessary to the best of your ability. If you feel the line, after which a tear can happen, stop, take a rest, rethink the situation and move on. If you feel that mom is poking on you again with an aggressive attitude and driving you into a corner, say calmly and firmly, “No! Sorry mom, but you don’t need to crush me. I am an adult and responsible for my life. Thank you for taking care of me! I will answer you in return. But no need to break me. I want to love and give love to my children. They are my best! And I’m dad) in the world! ”

You don’t have to strive to please your mother, especially if during all the years of your life with her you understood that any act, no matter what you do, will be criticized or, at best, indifference. Live! Just live! Call and help mom! Speak to her of love, but do not tear yourself anymore! Do everything calmly. And do not make excuses for all her reproaches! Just say, “Sorry, mom ... Okay, mom ...” and nothing more, smile and move on. Be wise - this is the key to a calm and joyful life!

When we were children or teenagers, we all did stupid things, for which we later apologized to our parents. If you are now at this age and you really want to do something that will upset your parents, this article is for you. After reading it, you will learn how to get forgiveness from your mother if you have done stupid things. Unfortunately, sometimes the simple word “sorry” is not enough to receive forgiveness. However, getting the desired forgiveness is still possible. Ask your mother for forgiveness, treat her respectfully and behave well. Thanks to this, mother will certainly forgive you.

Steps

Sincerely apologize

Apologize to mom personally. You should not send an apology in a text message or email. A conversation with your mother in a tense situation, of course, will be difficult, but in this way you will show that your words of apology are sincere.

Be sincere. Speak in a respectful tone, clearly and clearly. If you mumble yourself under your breath, most likely your mother will not believe in your sincerity.

If you don’t know how to start, try saying the following: “I’m very sorry that I upset you. I shouldn’t get into a fight. I will work on myself and try to become better. I hope you will forgive me.”

Tell the truth. You may be tempted to lie to your mom, but believe me, it's not worth it. You can make the situation worse. If you are caught lying, you cannot escape punishment. You will have more trouble and it will be difficult for you to achieve mom's forgiveness.

Do not talk to mom when she is angry. Let the feelings subside. Come to her later when she calms down and cools down a bit. The most important thing is not to argue, this will only make you worse.

Choose the right time. Do not try to establish relationships with your mother while she is busy with something, for example, preparing dinner. Approach her when she is free and ask if you can talk to her.
- Be prepared to understand mom if she does not want to listen to you. She may not want to discuss this issue with you. Wait a moment, and again approach her with an apology.
Do not wait too long. Remember, everything has its time. If you wait too long, it may seem to your mother that you are not ashamed of your act.

Listen to what she says. Listen carefully to her and try to understand her point of view, why she believes that you did wrong. If you understand why your act hurt her so much, you can receive her forgiveness. Try putting yourself in her place. She wants you to grow into a responsible person, so she is very upset when you act contrary to her expectations.

Do not mention past actions in a conversation with mom. It’s not worth mentioning what your brother did in the past or what situation happened a few months ago. You just remind her of other unpleasant events and anger her even more.
- For example, do not say: “But you did not punish my sister last week for returning home late! Why are you angry with me, but not with her?” Mentioning a past incident will only exacerbate the situation. Instead, try saying, "I know that you are angry with me, and I really shouldn't have come home so late. I sincerely regret doing this."
Do not make excuses. Excuses undermine the sincerity of your words of apology. By this you show that you are putting the blame on someone or something else. You must admit that you did wrong if you want your mother to forgive you.
- For example, you should not say: "And not so late I came back. I just could not leave my friend alone." Say the following better: "I know that I came late and I am very sorry. Next time I will more closely monitor the time and will not repeat such a mistake."
Try to fix the error. The best thing you can do is try to rectify the situation.
- For example, if you break something, try to repair the broken thing. If you yelled at your sister, be kind to her.
Apologize in writing. This advice may contradict the first tip of this article, “Apologize to Mom personally,” but you can apologize in writing in addition to a personal apology. Do not send email or phone. Write a letter by hand, saying that you are very sorry for your mistake, and do not repeat it in the future. To write a note by hand, you will need time to think. Most likely, mom will appreciate your efforts. If you draw well, you can draw something that will cause pleasant emotions in mom.
- You can write a note that reads: “Dear mom, I know that you are very upset because I had a fight with my sister. I know that you really want us to have a strong relationship with my sister. I love her, even despite the fact that sometimes she really annoys me. I understand that I am older than her and therefore I should not react when she specifically tries to piss me off. In addition, in order to have a strong relationship with someone, you need to make effort. It will come in handy for me in my future life. I will do my best to get along with your sister and maintain a peaceful relationship with her. I love you very much and hope for your forgiveness. With love, your son. "
Understand that forgiveness takes time. Sometimes, mom can forgive you very quickly, but in some cases it may take time. In fact, according to psychologists, there are stages of forgiveness. Mom can deny what happened, feel anger, as well as depression. Then she can accept the situation and forgive you. Do not expect it to go through all the above steps. Your goal is to work on yourself to receive her forgiveness and gain confidence.

Remember that your mother is not perfect either. She also has the right to make a mistake. Therefore, she may be angry with you more than you deserve.
- Sometimes mom can be upset for other reasons. Your act can only be part of her bad mood. Just as you can pour your anger on your little sister, your mother may not cope with emotions if she had a bad day or week.

Show respect

Show that you are listening. When mom is talking to you, listen carefully to her and do not dare in return. Admit that you made a mistake, and she has the right to reproach you for your act.

Do not ignore her. She wants to help you. If mom wants to talk to you, take the time to listen to her. Be prepared to answer her and be sure to take the time to reflect on her words. You can assure her at the end of your conversation that such an incident will not happen again. Thanks to this, your mother will understand that your apologies are sincere.

Speak respectfully. When answering mom's questions, do it in a respectful manner. Answer calmly and honestly.
- For example, if your mother asks, “What were you thinking when you did this?”, You should not answer her with sarcasm: “I guess I’m an idiot and didn’t understand what I was doing.” We can say: "It seems to me that I did not think before making a decision. Next time I will be more reasonable."
Accept the punishment. This will show that you respect mom’s decision.
Behave as an adult. Do not be rude or say offensive words. Do not stomp your feet or slam the door. You will only aggravate the situation. Mom will be angry with you even more, and you will regret what you did.
- In addition, mom will appreciate that you are acting like an adult and will forgive you much faster.
- If the mother says: “You only say, but act differently!”, Do not argue. Accept this and ask her to help you become better.

You should not avoid mom if you did something bad. However, if she is very annoyed at you and does not want to see you, let her be alone for a while.
Enlist the support of dad or siblings. Sometimes they can talk with mom and ask her to forgive you.
Never yell at your mom.
If you have committed an act that you regret, you should not cry, you will not decide anything with tears. In this situation, it is better to show with your positive actions that you are ready to change. Your mom will certainly notice the change. Also, be sure to apologize to her. Although she may not believe your words, in any case, she wants to hear them from you. And, do not forget, deeds always speak louder than words. Therefore, work on yourself!
Remember, mom loves you. Tell her that you also love her very much.
Do not dare. Otherwise, you will have to wait a very long time.
If you did something wrong, talk to your mom about it! This will help her understand your point of view.
Be nice to her.
Do not go away in a fit of anger. Talk to mom.
Give her a gift or write a card with an apology.
If you ask for forgiveness, do not say: "I know that you are angry with me." It’s the same as saying: “By this you show that you do not love me.” These words will upset her even more. Say better: "I know you are disappointed with my act. Please forgive me. Can you do this?"
Help her when she needs it. Be sure to help mom perform household chores. Thanks to this, you will show that you have learned an important lesson from the situation.
Go together to your favorite place where it will be easy for you to forgive each other, for example, it can be a beach.
Do what makes her happy. She will definitely appreciate it.
Do not say an apology too often. This can make her angry and she won’t believe your words.
If you think your mother scolds you too often, talk to her about it. Of course, you do not want your mother to be upset, but in this case, talking can help improve your relationship.
For example, if you ate someone else’s dish, prepare the same and give it to the person to whom it was intended.
Do or buy something to apologize for your bad behavior. This will show that you are very upset because of what happened.
Do not interrupt her if she is still talking.
Keep calm when talking to her.
If you argue about something insignificant, for example, about who first goes to the bathroom, tell your mother that you are in a hurry. If this does not work, give her place.
Sorry, but do not overdo it.
Help your mother around the house by doing things that she does not ask you to. However, be sure to make her notice your actions. She will certainly smile, perhaps without saying anything. But if you do not, for example, do not wash the dishes, do not vacuum, do not wash the clothes, they will still be angry with you.
Give mom a gift.
Make sure she is not upset for any other reason.
Ask mom not to discuss your quarrel with other members of your family.
Give mom some time to calm down. Later you can come up and discuss a problem with her.
Do not ask her for a couple of days.
If you argue ... don't scream. Keep calm. Wait for mom to express her opinion, then you can answer her.

Question to the psychologist:

Hello, my name is Polina, I'm 27. We live in the house with my mother together. Over the past 8 years, the relationship with mom has changed a lot, we no longer understand each other. Used to live with grandmother and stepfather. Mom didn’t work with her stepfather (Mom didn’t work for 8 years because my grandmother became bedridden and needed care), as a result, I leave school and go to work because I need to provide a family, especially since I didn’t want my grandmother to need something she also had a good pension, for all of us this was not enough. They always cursed because of the stepfather because he drank a lot and smashed the house, and Mom was always on his side and even screamed drunk that I would bring the mistress out of the house. Because of family problems, I was abandoned by a guy, because who needs a wife from a drunk family ... so several years passed, I worked and provided everyone and was silent because my grandmother asked me not to swear. Mom is a terrible egoist, she believes that I owe everything to her. It got to the point that she went abroad to work, earned more than herself and sent everything to the house. For health reasons, she returned home and got a previous job. Mom began to run out of money, she always takes pestilence. He just walks with a displeased face and groans that he wants a bag, he wants a jacket, he wants a phone (for three years I bought three of her things, she loses) my grandmother is dying .. the funeral is all on me, Mom is in a theatrical depression. A year passed, she drinks and doesn’t work and accuses me of her unhappy life (I kicked my stepfather out after the funeral), as a result I persuaded her to go to work, it seemed like she was settled, everything would be okay, I thought it would be. But she still drinks (even coded, but she didn’t even scare her fever after half a year), I abandoned the repair at home because Mom doesn’t clean, she scatters everything in the house everywhere. I do not have time as in two jobs. Everything still draws money from me ... when I explain that I pay for accounting, but you can even smile and laugh when you are drunk, that is, it’s fun for her, which is hard and bad for me. I do not know what to do next! I do not want a family, my outlet is my animals, two dogs and a cat. I’ll lose my mind soon, and Mom doesn’t even understand how selfish she is and how often she offends and humiliates me with words. But at the same time, she says that she loves me, she did everything for me. But the truth is in childhood I did not need anything and did not even notice the departure of my father ... what happened to her? How can I return here the caring smart self-sufficient woman whom she was?

The psychologist Gnatyuk Lyudmila Yuryevna answers the question.

Hello Pauline.

Honestly, I do not know how to return the mother she was, it is not in our power. And since it is impossible to turn back the clock, the only thing that can be is to change your attitude to the situation and what really depends on you. For example, you are old enough to live separately from your mother. She told you about it in a fit of anger, but you did not perceive it as an opportunity to change your life, but rather, on the contrary, did your best to hold on to your usual way. And then my grandmother needed care, sort of like a good reason. But in fact, everyone in this life is responsible for himself, it makes no sense to do something for the sake of others, in the hope that they will appreciate. Either you do it because it is important for you (and it doesn’t matter what others say about it), or you don’t do it — it will be more honest than pulling everything and everyone on yourself, expecting others to rethink something, come to their senses, thank you.

A man is born to realize the potential inherent in him. Potential is our aspirations and desires, since they are born in us, we have the resources and the ability to realize them. Hence the question for you: what YOUR desires and aspirations have you realized, or at least on the way to their realization?

The fact that they tried for the family is good, but that, because there is a limit to everything. If grandmother’s pension was enough for that, then these resources could be distributed differently. But most likely, you needed it more than she did. Be that as it may, you have gained some experience, but you are not sure that you have benefited from it, since you continue to save and support everyone.

The guy must have tried to reason with you, but he realized that it was hopeless that you took on the role of a parent and played it in good faith. Take, for example, what you bought her 3 phones in recent years. Only children who really are the biggest egoists can behave in an irresponsible way, and this is normal until a certain age. But by your parental behavior, you only aggravate the situation, even if it seems to you that you are doing very noble.

At the same time, I have hope that the time has come when you began to realize that you can no longer do this. Therefore, they wrote here. It is time to remember that you are a daughter, not a mother (or father) and take up your life, and your mother, in turn, will have no other choice but to start changing her life. If she chooses to leave everything as it is and not change anything - give her that right, in the end, this is her life, and certainly not for you to teach her how to do it right, but how not. Your task is to build your borders. What I can do and in joy - I do and help, where I feel anger, pain and aggression - I express it precisely, not trying to endure and please my mother. Rating 5.00 (2 Votes)