Some people speak very sincerely and seriously about things that others feel awkward to mention. This is especially true for topics such as love. Most of us are embarrassed to say the word out loud. After all, men and women experience a feeling of love in different ways.
What is true love?
In fact, true love may not happen to everyone at all. Ask older people, because some of them did not feel this feeling at all. Only a fearless man or a courageous woman can truly, truly love. A cautious, pragmatic or timid person does not recognize this feeling because of its irrationality and destructiveness. Love too aggravates life, while exposing the meaninglessness of career and financial success, as well as other achievements.
But most of us believe that each subsequent love is many times stronger than the previous ones. And if life gives us several of them, then each new one completely renews the person. This is the same as on a computer, when a new program is installed in it, the previous files are completely reset. In this case, the person does not have any previous skills. He becomes almost helpless, as his previous experience is completely useless in these respects. And it’s even a shame to use it - it would be insincere. And if a person experiences true love, then he simply will not be able to act insincerely.
There is another, but very important point. It is necessary to have enough inner strength and wisdom so that during falling in love you do not ask yourself: “Do they love me or not ?!”. After all, love, even the most genuine and genuine, is sure to leave: one lacks mental strength, the other - physical. At the moment of parting, it is very important to get rid of attachment to a person so that jealousy does not revive in the soul. Unfortunately, this feeling in many of us appears and remains, and for a long time. And this is both sad and terrible.
Jealousy - this is a companion of love, but not of the “runaway” lovers. So says 90% of the population. What is the point of being jealous of one or someone you no longer love?
In fact, jealousy is a manifestation not only of love, but also of pride: is someone else appeared in my place? Or: can she (he) exist without me and live normally, happily? Jealousy is a real concussion or post-traumatic syndrome, that is, a disease.
It turns out that love is a real illness and even flour? Of course not. Love is not flour, not happiness, not longing, not pleasure, not even joy. Otherwise, why come up with a separate word?
But love is not a whim. Another thing is flirting. This word can mean a whim, since a person simply decided to hit on someone, and without special feelings, but only out of a whim, sports interest or even a dispute.
With love, everything happens differently. This feeling is completely spontaneous, so dealing with it is almost impossible, no matter how courageous you are. A person has no internal mechanisms to help overcome this feeling.
It interferes with our plans, our activities, disrupting the entire internal way of life. And who has a family - violates family relationships. A loving man or a loving woman can continue to fulfill his functions (family, social), but at the same time he will suffer extremely. That is why someone who has already experienced this feeling is not so eager to fall in love again. Moreover, both unhappy and happy love are experienced the same way - hard, both morally and physically.
For some reason, everyone believes that unhappy love is unrequited. But does it happen? After all, some think the opposite: there is absolutely no unrequited love and cannot be. If a person has fallen in love with someone, then there is something in his chosen one or chosen one that will allow them to respond with the same feeling. Let him (a potential loved one or beloved) even at first not even suspect about it.
In fact, such a theory is 100% erroneous. A man in love invented for himself what he saw in his beloved “inclinations” or ability to reciprocal feeling. To seek and desire love is a hopeless number. This happens only when a person has become defenseless. And unhappy circumstances give rise to unhappy love, which means that happy - happy.
Naturally, happy love is much nicer than unhappy, although the latter almost always lasts longer. It happens that all the whims of the beloved are fulfilled - from a daily bunch of flowers to diamond earrings - and she simply does not like the timbre of the boyfriend's voice. And then what? Man experiences hellish torment. In order to return to life after them, you need to completely plunge into love, touch the bottom of suffering and lose hope.
These all the above "thoughts" do not at all concern another love - family love. She, no matter how insulting it may sound, is of another property. Good, normal family relationships contribute to peace and tranquility. For a real man and a true woman, family is what gives meaning to their actions. Such people, left without a family (divorce, death) rush to earn money. And if there is so much money, they started to “litter” them: they feel ashamed to spend finances only on their beloved (beloved).
But talk about love - This is as hopeless a case as listening to the amazing taste of the cake. After all, you will quickly understand both the taste and the aftertaste of baking only when you eat at least a small piece. So it is with love: to understand what true love is, you need to fall in love. And then you yourself can define the truth of human love.
March 15, 2013True love
let's talk about true love. So much has been said about love, written, sung, created paintings and films. Everyone knows about love and almost everything. But true love true love we often learn from legends, fairy tales, books and films.
True love they want everything, but unfortunately not everyone has the luck of having it. We all talk about how this happens only in a fairy tale, but in life everything is much simpler. It seems to me that each of us is the smith of his own happiness. True love does not come from outside; it cannot be inherited, rented or bought. True love is built within us. She is born under certain conditions.
Love is pleasure, pleasure from the fact that next to you is the closest, dearest person, and you feel it with all the fibers of your soul. This is when you cannot breathe in it, when you look in your favorite eyes and are not afraid to drown in them.
True love, this is when the words are already redundant. True love is when you dissolve in a loved one and find yourself in it. True love is when there is respect for each other, understanding of each other, trust in each other, caring for each other.
Let everyone have their own, from which you have a warm heart, when your heart beats fast and when you fall asleep and wake up with a smile on your lips. True love is the most precious gem! Love and good to you.
The parable “Love is more precious than all treasures”
Once the young prince brought from the journey a swarthy silent beauty instead of the promised treasures. The king father said to him in anger:
If you brought diamonds and our jeweler cut them into diamonds, I would buy you a pair of such beauties for just one gem.
Father, we love each other more than life! - exclaimed the young man. - Indeed, love is a diamond that even a king cannot buy.
Let's see how much your love costs, ”the father grinned.
He removed the ring with a large gem, threw it at the feet of a beautiful woman, said:
Choose: my ring and freedom - or death.
The girl did not move. The king ordered the servant to bring a gold necklace and put it at the beauty's feet. The girl did not even glance at him. Then the servant brought a silver dish full of precious stones. The pile of treasures grew, but the girl looked only at the prince.
So you choose death! - the king said menacingly and ordered the servants to seize the impudent stranger.
I don’t want to live without a loved one, ”the girl answered proudly.
Then the prince put a dagger to his heart and calmly said:
Without a beloved, and I do not want to live!
Be educated, prince, or you will lose everything, ”the frightened king exclaimed.
And his son went to his beloved, hugged her and said:
My love is more precious than any treasure, because for me it is a whole world, although I can hug it with one hand.
True love is not in words, and not even in deeds - it is in the heart
Interested in your opinion dear reader. Write!
Reviews (10) on “True Love”
- Lyudmila
March 16, 2013 at 14:23Very poetic and romantic, true values \u200b\u200bare not measured by money and treasures, and true love is a gift of fate for a warm sincere heart, I wish everyone such a gift from fate!
- Marina
March 16, 2013 at 14:43Really very romantic. It is a pity that you can’t dissolve in anyone, it is harmful to health. Thanks for the romance
- Aksana
March 16, 2013 at 17:04About love and friendship - this is very true!
- Vitaliy
March 17, 2013 at 7:09Thanks Lyudmila! Let your wishes come true!
- Vitaliy
March 17, 2013 at 7:10Thanks Aksana!
- Vitaliy
March 17, 2013 at 7:11Thanks Marinka! We sometimes lack romance!
- Alla
March 17, 2013 at 11:23So beautifully written. It’s a pity that in life everything is not so romantic. Nevertheless, everyone dreams of love.
- Vitaliy
March 17, 2013 at 12:05Thank you Alla! It all depends on the person: whether he needs romance or not, and how much it is needed. But in life there must be a place of romance!
- Alexander
March 22, 2013 at 17:09Very beautiful and romantic. This is a wonderful feeling, they need to cherish.
- Vitaliy
March 22, 2013 at 18:25Thank you, Alexander!
What is true love - a feeling that many wait and long for, but can’t always recognize it? This is because a person lives in captivity of his own fantasies, social stereotypes that do not allow to consider the true feeling. A peculiar landmark in this quotation from famous books.
Do you know the difference between true love and falling in love? The first thing that comes to mind is a quantitative indicator of such conditions. You can fall in love countless times, but true love is only one.
To love and be loved is not just an emotional need of a person. This is a vital state, an experience that inspires, ennobles, elevates. How wrong are some who think that true love can be replaced by money, wealth, power and other benefits.
Feeling warmth in relation to another person, recognizing the need for daily communication with him, giving him tenderness, attention, care, in difficult moments to turn his shoulder or even cover yourself, support and understand without words are separate features of true love.
The best definitions of this feeling are presented by quotes drawn from the storehouse of human culture - books.
These wise words reveal the secret of true love:
"Love is the universal energy of life, with the ability to turn evil passions into creative passions." (Nikolai Berdyaev "Self-knowledge")
“When you love, you want to do something in the name of love. I want to sacrifice myself. I want to serve. ” (Ernest Hemingway "Farewell to Arms!")
“What are thirty million worth if you cannot buy a trip to the mountains with your girlfriend?” (Jack London “Time-not-wait”)
“Love is when you want to experience all four seasons with someone. When you want to run with someone from a spring thunderstorm under a lilac strewn with flowers, and in summer pick berries with someone and swim in the river. In autumn, cook jam together and seal windows from the cold. In winter - to help to survive a runny nose and long evenings, and when it gets cold - to heat the stove together. ” (Ray Bradbury "Dandelion Wine")
"What is love? In the whole world, neither man, nor the devil, nor any other thing inspires me as much suspicion as love, for it penetrates deeper into the soul than other feelings. Nothing in the world so occupies, so does not hold down the heart, like love. Therefore, if there is no weapon in the soul that tames love, then this soul is defenseless and there is no salvation for it. ” (Umberto Eco "The Name of the Rose")
“How can you love someone without loving him for who he really is? How can you love me and at the same time ask me to completely change, to become someone else? ”(Romain Gary“ Lady L. ”)
“I love you and will love until I stop breathing. I know that for sure. You are my horizon, and all my thoughts come down to you. Let it be anything - everything always closes on you. And it always has been. Is always". (Erich Maria Remarque “Arc de Triomphe”)
“Love gives meaning to what we do, although in reality it does not exist. - So, love deceives us? Is it a bit of a dream? - Not. Love is a kind of love, and a dream is a dream. Everything that you do, you do only out of love. Otherwise, you would just sit on the ground and howl in horror. Or disgust. " (Victor Pelevin "The Recluse and Six-Fingered")
“Love is like a tree: it grows by itself, deeply rooted in us, and often continues to turn green even in a desolate heart.” (Victor Hugo "Notre Dame de Paris")
“Many people think that love consists in choosing a woman and marrying her. And they choose, I swear to you, I saw it myself. Is it possible to choose in love, unless love is not lightning that suddenly strikes you, nails to the ground in the middle of the yard. You will say that this is why they choose-what-they love, but I think the other way around - they don’t choose Beatrice, they don’t choose Juliet. “They don’t choose the rain that falls on the heads of those who leave the concert hall and instantly soaks them to the skin.” (Julio Cortazar "Playing the hopscotch")
“After all, it doesn’t matter what you look like, anyway there is a person who considers you the most beautiful creature in the world” (Fanny Flagg “Fried Green Tomatoes”)
“There is no sin, there is only a lack of love. Have courage, find the strength in yourself for love, even if it turns into treason and pain. " (Paulo Coelho Valkyrie)
"Love? What is love? Love hinders death. Love is life. Everything, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists only because I love. Everything is connected by it alone. Love is God, and to die means, to me, a particle of love, to return to a common and eternal source. " (Leo Tolstoy “War and Peace”)
"He who loves must share the fate of the one he loves." (Mikhail Bulgakov "The Master and Margarita")
“Only women whom we pay little attention to love us dearly.” (Honore de Balzac "Elixir of Longevity")
These statements became winged. They are re-read when they want to understand themselves, their feelings and feelings, so as not to miss the person who will become the main person in life, who will give joy and joy.
Read carefully all that is written by the talented and famous. They, like no other, see the soul of a person and can briefly and succinctly characterize even such a complex feeling as love.
Feelings and intelligence have made man the highest stage of evolution. Love and friendship unite people, encourage creation, inspire exploits. True love and true friendship are conditions that every person seeks to feel. The main thing is that the feelings are real and mutual. Many people wonder what true love is. How not to confuse it with passion, love or friendship? The answers to these and other questions are in this article.
True love and its imitators
Distinguish love from falling in love! The latter can be comprehended in two forms - passion and romantic love. In the first case, the couple is plunged into the whirlpool of an irresistible physical attraction, often it does not come to frankness, sincerity and mutual trust. In the second case, the balance of carnal desire and spiritual unity is maintained. Will love grow into true love, only a man and a woman can answer, ready to compromise for each other, overcome problems, maintain spiritual and physical fidelity.
Distinguish love from passion! Partners are attracted only by the physical shell, appearance. Such relationships do not reach the level of feelings.
Distinguish love from friendship! Sympathy, understanding, trust, frankness, devotion, loyalty without carnal attraction. The arguments of true love are convincing in this case, but the outward attractiveness is extremely important at the initial
Distinguish love from habit! The proximity between partners is not real. There is no sincerity, trust, understanding. A situation occurs when passion or love fades away.
Distinguish love from addiction! Love caused by a surge of hormones lasts from 6 to 18 months. Dependence can last for years, characterized by uncontrolled passion and a panic desire to be with a person of lust.
Signs of true love
Emotional hobby, satisfaction of carnal needs, fear of loneliness - our feelings and emotions disguise themselves as love and can stupefy a person for years. This is because no one gave a clear answer to the question of what true love is.
In 2010, scientists at the World Health Organization recognized the bright feeling of illness. Mental illness received a serial number - F 63.9. Symptoms of an illness at least once in a life were felt by everyone: loss of sleep, obsessive thoughts, abrupt mood swings, pressure surges, impulsive actions.
However, when the pressure rises at night and there is no sleep, the last thing we think about the approach of great love. True feeling is difficult to explain, it can be recognized by a list of obvious signs.
Lack of doubt
Feeling comes to us all of a sudden, all thoughts in the head are devoted to the object of desire. A person is confident in his feelings, ignoring the opinions of relatives and friends, the circumstances that arise, overcoming impressive distances and even natural disasters.
Let your friends say dozens of times that you are opposites with her with different outlooks on life, and your mother insulted that she didn’t raise you like that - there is no doubt that you have overcome many obstacles in your search for true love and are confident in the correctness of your feelings.
The puzzle has developed, the halves of which they say around the world have reunited. You can prescribe a scenario for the development of events with your beloved one year, two, ten, thirty ... You are ready to marry him and have children.
The answer to the question “Why do you love him?” Does not exist
Not because love overshadowed the mind and erased memory. A concrete answer simply does not exist. You love a person simply for what he is. There is no doubt, this is your couple. You can give a couple of arguments - for a beautiful figure, an expensive car or promising work. But such reasons have nothing to do with real feelings. You can easily draw an analogy with friendship. Having passed fire, water and copper pipes together, comrades may even forget where they met, but they will be faithful and faithful until the last day. True love and true friendship are concepts that require no explanation.
There is only you and he / she
“Autumn has come, the leaves are falling. I don’t need anyone except you ”- this is how you can characterize this sign of love in a comic form. A man devotes all thoughts and actions to the object of desire, relegating to the background everything else. Even if the inhabitants of Hollywood Olympus like Johnny Depp or Bred Pete will offer you to spend an evening on the Cote d'Azur, you will not leave your native, unknown to anyone, Petya.
Relationships evolve, you get better
The problem of true love is in the ups and downs. Sometimes it takes time for it to get stronger and take shape. If the initial all-consuming passion has subsided, and the desire to care, care for and give tenderness only intensifies, you are on the right track.
Bright feeling inspires, gives strength, energy, desire to create. A person has an incentive to develop, become better, more attractive. If the relationship is real, they will not require excessive victims and dramatic changes. As one of the psychologists wrote in the essay “What is true love?”, “... there should not be hard labor, conscious, desired work on yourself - yes, but it should not be obligated to sacrifice.”
Forgiveness
Collecting grievances is a futile and thankless task. Love, although classified as a disease, is a panacea for this harmful hobby. A loving heart can forgive. It is not always easy, some take years to do so. A sense of resentment is strong and often a direct competitor to F 63.9. The betrayal is followed by a bloody mental battle. Here lies the answer to the question of what true love is. That which conquers resentment, adversity and heals mental wounds.
Best friends and partners
Lovers play by the rules known only to them two, and never score a ball into their own goal. Others will never hear from your mouth complaints about the shortcomings of the second half. You, like Bonnie and Clyde, stand next to each other in the most difficult situations. About true love they say that two people are the links of one chain, two equal, equal figures.
You have something to keep quiet
Spending days and nights together, chatting on the phone for hours is an indisputable sign of interest and sympathy between a man and a woman. True love stories often begin with long nightly conversations. But only in silence is the depth of feelings hidden. This silence no longer forms an awkward pause, a quiet dialogue between the two souls.
Nothing lasts forever, and feelings too
Many believe that true love is one for life. Loved - you no longer stop loving, lost the second half - you can’t feel the more bright feeling. Everything changes in life, even the strongest relationships can collapse in the blink of an eye. What is true love? This skill is akin to riding a bicycle - once you have learned and carry this knowledge with you through life. After an unfortunate fall, it is important to find the strength in yourself to rise, spread your wings and set off to meet new love.
Each person has the right to create his own formula of happiness. In his essay, “What is True Love,” the French philosopher recommends creating your own recipe for inspiration and energy nourishment.
7 signs of true friendship
The situation is similar. Each of us has friends and girlfriends, and seven of its characteristics will help to understand whether the friendship between you is real.
No rivalry. If one of the couple succeeds, the second sincerely rejoices for him. This is the main property of true friendship. The slightest competition in the future may cause a split in the relationship.
Honesty. It is important not to cross the fine line between honesty and rigidity. Friends should tell each other everything they think, but the form for presenting information should be friendly, without rudeness. Do you like hairstyle, pants, figure of a friend? Give him generously compliments!
Down with obsession. A friend can support, give advice, instruct, but you should not try on the role of an annoying mom or categorical dad. By making many demands on a person, trying to command, you can change his feelings exactly the opposite.
Reliability. A true friend is in trouble. This saying has not lost its relevance for decades. In the joyful moments of a person’s life, many comrades surround him, but in difficult times their number is sharply reduced. A sincere friend will provide not only moral, but also material support, if circumstances so require.
The ability to listen. Each of us has situations when we want to speak out, throw out resentment and negativity. A friend will listen, even if the subject of the conversation is not clear to him.
Relations carried through time. People considered to be best friends in childhood rarely maintain their old level of communication in adulthood. Our interests are changing, life scatters in different cities and continents, but even after years, true friends will have something to talk about.
How are women and men friendly?
Women Friendship. Experts in the field of human relations question the fact of its existence. Relations between two women are most often of the nature of acquaintance. 80% of girls perceive their own kind as competitors. Friendship between women is possible when they have nothing to share, which happens very rarely.
Male friendship. The strong sex, although it does deny it in every possible way, competes with each other no less than women - in careers, personal lives, size of cars, etc. The success of one may not always trigger an adequate reaction of the other.
Friendship between a man and a woman. Due to the different psychological structure, sincere between representatives of different sexes are extremely rare. Only high self-esteem and a clear understanding of personal freedom will help to distance oneself from stereotypes and maintain friendly feelings between a man and a woman.
Life includes death and is itself included in it. It is impossible to talk about love, not to mention the psyche and the human nature. We have already overcome the view of personality as a static, unchanging system. There is nothing more dynamic, free and open than the course of life.
* Love is rooted in the very existence of man, in the subconscious, where opposites are connected, where there is an unstable border between personal integrity and illness, where the ability to judge disappears, but where you can and should look for the beginning of dissatisfaction with life, longing, feelings of loneliness, desire for completion and perfection where is the cause of human suffering and, in essence, the meaning of life, infinity, the point of departure.
* I would like to convince the reader not to be afraid to plunge into the world of love - so complex, but fruitful and vital. To enter into it means to enter into oneself, to understand one’s true self, to experience those special states of the psyche and spirit in which everyone encounters a reflection of his own self, learns his limits, tests himself, and deepens self-knowledge. If a person runs away from this, taking refuge in sex, promiscuous relationships or trying to avoid suffering, then he is sick, he is afraid of life.
* Love is a risk. The risk of losing oneself in another person and stopping, failing to get out of this state. But we also have the opportunity to deeply know each other and together gain even greater vitality.
To love is to open. This is an open game, while everything in our world teaches us to shut ourselves down, defend ourselves, use any means, so as not to endanger ourselves so that we would not be injured, destroyed, or “bought”.
Love is the truth. She does not recognize tricks, compromises, double or triple play. It is direct and essential.
Love is a design. She is doomed to death if she does not go a certain path.
To love is to make a choice. Not to accept submissively what is offered to us, but to claim an active, creative role in the formation of relations, never to seek a convenient path, striving for a true conjugal minds before the bodies.
Love is a virtue. She is not satisfied with what comes to hand, does not fill the inner void with sex, but respects herself, her uniqueness.
Love is integrity. Relationships of true love never break, do not injure a person’s personality, but on the contrary, elevate it and help it grow.
To love is to give meaning to life. Experiencing the experience of love, we begin to see the true, invisible meaning of the things and events that make up the line of human life.
Love is knowledge. Thanks to her, we become involved in wisdom, learn new ways that would otherwise remain unknown to us, and come to ourselves.
* The level of our neurosis depends on how, when and how much we can enter into love; because in order to have love, one must have the ability to love. Love does not appear from nothing, does not come to all. More precisely, we can all love; we possess this property in potential; but few seek love, find it and fulfill it, because the capacity for love is on a par with the growth of personality. Neither one nor the other is given as a gift coming from outside and capable of falling to everyone, as a kind of extraordinary event. Outside of us, nothing exists.
The outside world is nothing but a reflection of our inner content. Or, in any case, the world is just what we perceive. Only by knowing ourselves can one know love. This is the same.
* The maturity of the personality, that is, the ability to love, is an extraordinary state that we all would like to find, experience, but which does not belong to the sphere of luck, chance: it is preceded by a long, difficult, long-suffering way of preparation, training. It is something extraordinary, the result of the ordinary; and this is precisely our true, genuine condition as human beings.
* No need to envy a happy couple or a mature personality! No need to think that we are out of luck or we are not capable! We all have the opportunity to grow and become able to love. We are created for this. This is our mission. The only thing. Therefore, it is not necessary to think that happiness in love and wisdom are gifts that come from nowhere and only to especially successful people.
* But we will be careful! It is impossible to love if we have not entered before, and for a long time, on the path of spiritual growth. This is the key, the magic code, giving us, no matter how small we are, the opportunity to confidently move along the path of love.
* The ability to love is within the scope of every human being and is embodied in it. Like any other ability, it is within us. It is impossible to receive it from the outside or from someone other than oneself. However, it is necessary to search for it, to recognize it, to accept it, in order to be able to develop, expand and strengthen it later. A man cannot love if he has not grown, has not become mentally and spiritually mature. Moreover, in my opinion, these concepts are interrelated: there is no mature person who could not love, and vice versa. The human personality does not consist of motionless, disjointed parts - it is integral at all its constituent levels. Therefore, in my opinion, there is no person who, for example, would be selfish at home and generous in public. Either in one place or another, he is insincere.
* Everything is included in an endless, uncharted movement, where there is no place for deception and self-deception, direct or hidden domination of another person, where the “victim-executioner” bin has disappeared forever, where the uniqueness and originality of one person is respected by another, where the partner is not perceived only as a body and face. Where there is an endless desire to love inherent in the human being. A creature that comprehends and wants to comprehend, which understands that in order to know another person, one must first know oneself, and, realizing that the true essence of a person will forever remain unknown, he still has the courage to constantly try to reveal its meaning.
On the way to knowledge.
If we ask ourselves what love is, a thousand answers will come to our mind, and not one of them will completely satisfy us. First, I let you hear - and when you heard, you agreed with me - that voice of a bottomless, indescribable emptiness that is heard in response to attempts to define love.
* You need to know yourself. It is enough to look into ourselves, and love will naturally be called by its real name. Man is irreversibly gifted with meaning. A person, whether she wants it or not, lives with meaning and cannot get out of it, otherwise her fate will be neurosis and death.
* The meaning is within us. It is impossible to love if we have not made sense. Here is the magic key! "Love others as yourself." This also means: if you want to love, the starting point is love for oneself, knowledge of oneself. And for this it is necessary to be able to attach meaning to all things.
* One who does not want to grow will never enter the life, genuine circle of human existence. Everything that he will think and say will in reality prove mortal. In any case, his logic is the logic of possession.
Paradoxically, there would be neither neurosis, nor the absence of mental peace, if the person had not had inner freedom. It is this freedom that allows an individual to become ill or improve his mental state. In order to truly love, individuals must have a low level of neurosis. The lower it is, the greater our ability for true love. So, the starting point is the work of self-knowledge, analysis, aimed at learning about your own neurosis and accepting it, being able to name it by name - its real name - and then try to reduce it, knowing that it is impossible to completely eliminate it.
* The same people who do not feel neurotic, consider themselves better than others, do not pose a question about their condition and confuse falling in love with love, are dead. A person has the opportunity to live dead or alive. Living dead means not making decisions, not making choices, not wanting to know, not striving for knowledge. In short, do not give meaning to oneself and, therefore, to all things.
* No one ever finds a suitable man or a suitable woman. This is very strange, isn't it? Millions of people are mistaken in choosing a partner? Not. Obviously, this is not the fault of the partner. There are no unsuitable men or women. The level at which we choose each other, act, live is wrong. We connect only mind and body to work. Enter the world of self-knowledge, meaning, enter the path of growth. The task that confronts us is not to seek love - you need to enter into meaning, awareness, being. There, where the beginning and the end are one.
* Only knowing the hidden part of the self, its dark side, the human being can consider himself as such. Woe to a man, if he does not encounter difficulties, does not feel miserable, if he is not directly affected by pain, suffering, fear.
* The real can only be known through the pain of contact with the false. To truly fall in love, you must go through falling in love. In order to discover your true identity, you need to understand and eliminate all identification with external models that are alien to our true nature. This requires making efforts, suffering, being courageous, constantly attentive and disciplined. It is necessary to take off the excess load imposed on us by false models, external and internal landmarks. In essence, our idea of \u200b\u200bourselves is that image that other people have inspired us and with which we identify ourselves. In order to remove from the "I" bark of deposits accumulated on it, often a whole life is not enough. Otherwise, we will remain unsatisfied, unhappy, unable to love.
* When we recognize it, it will become easier to move on, and our path will draw us closer and closer to our true self, the ability to love for real. However, one should not think that one can gain knowledge of oneself, as if to win the competition, once and for all to overcome the finish line and win. The path I am talking about has no end.
* It is important to be aware of your mental development in the way that psychoanalysts recommend us at certain stages of overcoming neurosis, blockade, possible obsessive ideas, for entering the path to self-knowledge, to gaining the true ability to love. But this is not enough: we already realized that, having once escaped from the trap of the so-called neurosis, the person finds himself in a loneliness unusual for her, and she has to independently find the right path to knowing herself, passing through her own "dying", through pain and suffering. But at the same time, she is inspired by the madness - or grandeur - of a newfound human being.
* Having purified ourselves, having lowered the level of neurosis, we must - in order to destroy the last wall separating us from the deep essence of life, from the immensity of reality, - abandon ourselves, from the feeling of our own subjectivity. Renounce your identity, which we have built so hard. If we have the courage and faith to do this, we will enter the absolutely limitless, eternal dimension of the soul, into Love.
* In order to enter the path of knowledge, it is necessary to do a certain work, to carry out internal purification, to know ourselves. So, the first concrete thing is self-knowledge. To know oneself is to conduct an analysis of one’s past life. To undergo psychoanalysis the first years of life.
* All human beings, without exception, in the process of development of their personality, neuroses are observed, without the reduction or elimination of which the correct relationships with themselves and, as a result, with other people are impossible.
* To gain the true ability to love, you need to be able to recognize and accept your own contradictions, limits. Only through the recognition of one's limitations, through the suffering associated with it, does the path to self-knowledge, to the ability to truly love, begin.
* The ability to love is proportional to advancing along the path of personal growth, unique to each of us. Therefore - just as you cannot buy a maturity pill for a superficial person in a pharmacy - unfortunately, there is no rule or recipe for love.
* It is not true that everyone succeeds in loving. On the contrary, few people know how to love. This is confirmed by the incredible number of failed relationships. This is confirmed by the fact that many people feel unhappy in love. Who today can openly tell himself that he is happy in love and capable of truly loving?
* Start with the fact that the relationship of true love lasts a lifetime. No need to look for excuses and excuses. When it comes to true love relationships, the difficulties to be overcome, the energy invested and the question itself are such that it takes all of life. We have also noted that the relationship is found to be untenable not because of an error in choosing a life partner, but only because of the unpreparedness of one or both partners who are not on the path to gaining their soul.
* But be sure: in true love there is no breakup. This simply cannot happen, by definition. Crises, obstacles, which are always and everywhere talked about, are already laid in ourselves, therefore, in the relationship of true love, you must constantly take into account the differences between partners, difficulties in communication, suffering.
* In true love, the partners come together to go one way to the truth, exposing the falsehood that lies in the human being, and discovering their own uniqueness. They live a spiritual life, they have found their divine essence.
* True love relationships are realized only between people who want to go beyond themselves. They can only be between real personalities. Think about it loyally, try to see - alone with yourself and with your partner - the lack of authenticity in you, and then you will understand everything.
* The goal of a human being is to know himself. And true love relationships can make it possible to reach this goal. The difference between true love and “ordinary” love is this: the first is the path to knowledge, the second remains in itself. In the second case, love can even be beautiful in its manifestations, gestures, feelings, but it is aimed only at the partner and stops there. Realization of true love should help to ensure that these relations effectively, realistically, specifically develop in the direction of knowledge.
* A person should begin the path to gaining his own self. Only after reaching a certain degree of self-knowledge can you enter into a relationship with a partner. Peace in the soul must be found in solitude. Marriage, marital relations should improve, expand the emotional world of the individual.
Relationship with a partner.
In true love relationships, communication takes on completely special, peculiar, characteristic features, due to which the partners exchange their inner content, concepts, reasoning, which helps them to move forward, continue the path of growth, knowledge. Communication also serves to experience different moments, situations together, to share feelings, desires, opinions.
* The ability to listen as the ability to perceive and accept is fundamental for entering the path of being, true love. The ability to listen, therefore, is necessary for introspection, in order to deeply know ourselves, but also in order to know the partner, accept him, understand his path. In a word, it is necessary for growth. Only thanks to the ability to listen can you get rid of your own narcissism, from the mechanism of projection. You can even say that the ability to listen determines the true relationship, true marriage.
* To gain the ability to listen is to come to the dimension of being and from it to see the partner and all other people. Precisely because the ability to listen opens us up for ourselves, for other people, for the world, for being, for true love, it enriches and fills us.
* In order to start living a psychologically healthy life and, as a result, to love truly, it is essential to accept reality, because in this way we recognize our human principle and reconcile with it, reconcile with our essential loneliness. Reality always leads, on the one hand, to the realization of our limitations, our ignorance, and on the other, to the desire to know, to know.
* In a true love relationship, the willingness to change helps to ensure that even experiencing the negative aspects of life enriches, fills, strengthens the identities of both partners, helps them to recognize each other, and thus better know themselves. Human health consists in its readiness to change. The same can be said about the ability to love. And yet, usually change brings suffering, because we have to leave something familiar that we are used to, for the sake of the unknown, new. But a mature person knows that life without suffering is unreal.
* The choice of life, which by definition is a dynamic structure, puts us in the face of both positive and negative. Our strength, our health, our ability to love lies in the ability to turn negative circumstances in such a way that they become positive. A hopeless situation, failure, a severe crisis can and should give rise to a great strength of resistance, a desire to fight, the will to recover. Love is not strong in what allows us to dream - its courage is tested in reality. The courage to overcome difficulties, problems, failures - in a word, one way or another to test oneself, to grow.
True love.
In order for the relationship to grow into true love, and therefore, contributed to growth, you need to set as your goal the search for truth. Two people, having decided to be together and build a relationship of true love, must immediately, from the very beginning, conclude an agreement between themselves on the truth, that is, on being always sincere, courageous with themselves and with each other in the search for truth. By violating this contract, they will break their relationship. They should also know that the search for truth will never end.
* In a true love relationship, we must acknowledge the fragility and duality of self in front of ourselves and our partner. Do not be afraid to show your partner your weakness, defenselessness, nudity, because if he really grows and builds a true relationship with you, then he will be happy: when he sees that you have trusted him, he will feel truly loved. Each time you lose something untrue, you will increase your ability to love and advance on the path of personal and joint growth.
* Acceptance of one’s own neurosis does not demean a person, as it is carried out together with a partner. Moreover, such acceptance is a condition of true love, because as the fantasies are destroyed, the personality, its essence, opens up for life.
* One who wants to receive everything at once, both in love and in life in general, really does not want anything. If a person strives to quickly achieve his goal in love, it is only because he does not want to suffer, does not want to live. He simply transfers his "business", commercial way of thinking from work to love, into the realm of feelings. But the logic of feelings is the exact opposite of the logic of business. In business, it’s never advisable to tell the truth — we either pretend or tell the truth in part. In business, you should not waste time - love needs time, you need to spend your whole life on it. In matters you do not need to rely on a partner; in love, this is the very essence of a relationship.
* The ability to love does not come as a gift from heaven. It is an approach, a lifestyle, and therefore it needs to be raised, trained, supported.
* It is impossible to love, if before we did not learn to overcome our own problems. In order to understand what we are capable of, wisdom is needed. We cannot take on what we are not able to do or sustain, which we cannot control. So we would inflict a grievance first of all to ourselves, since we would not reckon with ourselves. And this, as we already know, is not love. True love relationships are important in that everything is discussed, analyzed, perceived and processed in them, as partners interpret, “read” and experience everything together.
* Do not waste time searching for authenticity outside of your personality and do not think that you can do anything genuine, perform genuine actions. Authenticity is an approach: it means that it should become a lifestyle, an internal element of our personality. You should not try to be genuine because it is now in fashion, or for tactical reasons in a relationship with a partner, or in order to show yourself, or for any other reason than the desire for inner purity, conducive to cognition.
* Until we plunge through introspection into the depths of our own psyche in search of the hidden causes of our desires, requests, needs and neuroses, we will remain dependent, in the grip of external images, which, awakening unsolved fantasies that have accumulated at the bottom of the psyche, always they will have terrible power over us and force us to do what they please.
* In the relationship of true love, we, through self-knowledge, gain in ourselves a deep essence, an initial, divine core, which is the same for all who belong to the human race.
* True love is the only way to penetrate another person’s secret. In all other forms of love, man ultimately remains alone. Knowing ourselves, knowing a person remains the most difficult act of all that we are given to accomplish.
