Many adults who consider their life unhappy or unsuccessful had a difficult relationship with their parents in childhood. Weakness of character, low self-esteem, insecurity in decision making, inability to defend one’s opinion, conformism - these are all typical consequences of the so-called “offended child” syndrome. And until that moment until you overcome all your grievances and constantly stop proving something to everyone, your life difficulties will never end and will continue.
Before taking offense at a father and mother, think about the following:
1. Each parent wants to see his child strong, with his inner core. As a result, adults are too strict and overly demanding with their children. Of course, many people don’t like this attitude, but if you take a sober look at your life, your inherent ability comes out of difficult situations, obtained as a result of “Spartan education”.
2. Each parent has its own complexes and experience. You need to learn to understand your parents and accept them as they are. Do not re-educate them or persuade them, you will not change them. They have every right to live, as they are used to. As a result, many of the prohibitions in your childhood were just groundless fears or false beliefs.
3. All parents make mistakes. Most children who have disagreements with their parents believe that in other families they would be better off. Such a false sensation arises as a result of the fact that they see only one better or so-called facade side of relations in other families. You must always understand that in relationships in other families there are difficulties and ambiguities. It's more likely that you are more fortunate with your parents than anyone else. The source of such a false sensation may be the distance between your family members.
4. Thanks to your dad and mom, you live in this world. You should be grateful to them for such a gift. If you are more attentive and caring to them, then you will be more happy.
5. The ability to love your parents took over from their parents. Parent behavior patterns have been shaped by relationships in the families of your grandparents. For this reason, some parents express their love in excessive custody, in the desire to tie you to themselves, or, conversely, in giving you complete freedom and opportunity to learn from their mistakes.
In childhood, you probably often thought that your parents do not understand you. When a person grows up, he begins to look at such situations less emotionally, but more reasonably and consciously. The problem is that adulthood has nowhere to go these emotions and experiences. Sometimes this can negatively affect your relationship with others.
To get rid of all the negative emotions experienced that have accumulated in relation to the parents, a special trance technique “Transfer of feelings by parents” has been developed. This technique is suitable for people who have little contact with parents, it will help you penetrate into the depths of yourself to get rid of experienced and accumulated insults, and will give you a new charge of vital energy.
Consider an introductory version of this technique, designed for people who do not encounter a conscious trance.
1. Lie on the bed, relax as much as possible, close your eyes, do not think about anything;
2. Imagine moving along a long corridor. At the end of it you will see a room, go into it;
3. Your mom and dad will be in this room. What are you experiencing? What negative emotions do you possess? No need to show pity for them. Do not stand at the parent's position. Better express sympathy;
4. Imagining the parents in front of you, take turns turning them into your own experiences and emotions in the form of a multi-colored energy ray;
5. Mentally observe how changes will occur. Thus, you wash out all accumulated claims and grievances. Our energy ray will be like a stream of black mud. Do not be afraid to show negative feelings towards your father and mother. Gradually, our stream will become cleaner and brighter. At the moment when the accumulated experiences and resentments go away, our crystal clear stream will sparkle. After that, try to enjoy what is happening;
6. Say thanks to your parents for the opportunity to live in this world. Tell them something important that has accumulated in your soul;
7. Now you can leave the room. Moving away from your parents, you can feel the return flow of positive feelings. Get all the strength and energy that is inherent in your family;
8. Say thanks to your unconscious for the help you received.
Despite all the difficulties in dealing with your father and mother, children have no moral right to judge their parents. They gave you life. Let them live as they see fit. Do not change them, adapting for yourself. Live and enjoy your life, and often thank them for the opportunity to enjoy the sun. Remember, you always have a chance to build the best relationship in your family with your own children.
Hello, friends! Julia raised an important question: how to stop being offended by her parents, how not to get annoyed with them? I just can’t forgive my mother and father for some actions in my youth, for lies and hypocrisy, for many things. I understand that it’s not right to be offended by parents, and my heart is already tired of wearing pain and resentment, I want to get rid of it, but so far it’s not working out. I ask for your help ...
Resentment for parents and vice versa (for children) is a very topical issue for the vast majority of people. And such grievances, if they are not resolved by a person, greatly spoil his fate, depriving him of inner peace and a sense of happiness. It is much more pleasant to realize that in your heart you have only warmth, light and gratitude in relation to your beloved mom and dad, instead of corroding insults and restless claims.
In many cases, working through these two points will be enough. But not always. Next, we will consider additional recommendations on offenses against parents.
How to stop being offended by your parents and relatives?
The most important thing to understand here:
1. Most often, the root of resentment against their parents lies in the subconscious or fully conscious desire to idealize or deify them. In childhood, almost all of us idealized our parents “my dad is the strongest, most intelligent”, “my mother is the most beautiful, the best”, etc. And later, when we grow up, this ideal often collapses, when we suddenly begin to see the mistakes and nonsense committed by parents.
In a person whom you have only seen good and beautiful all your life, it is always difficult to begin to see flaws, weaknesses, vices and outright negativity. But this is life, and there are no angels among people, each has its own set of advantages and disadvantages, which you need to learn to relate to adequately. And it will be good if you set the goal of learning to love your parents unconditionally, not condemning, but accepting their strengths and weaknesses.
2. Parents are always parents, as some say “parents are sacred.” Parents can always be found for thanking. At least for the fact that they gave you a physical life, a body, allowing your Soul to incarnate on Earth. And you could get those who would have an abortion, or would refuse you. Moreover, parents have something to thank for if they gave you not a bad childhood and educated.
As an excellent and very effective exercise, I recommend writing in writing at least 20 important reasons, for which you are grateful to your parents, or you can write a detailed essay on the theme “My thanks to Mom’s Soul and Papa’s Soul”. Let me remind you that for those or other not simple lessons that have made you stronger and wiser, you also need to be able to thank. Someone is given parents as a source of kindness and love, and someone as a tough coach. It depends on who needs it and who deserves what. And ideally, thanks should be learned for both one and the second. Then there is no room for resentment in the heart.
3. It happens that parents are given to a person (soul) for punishment, for atonement for past sins. This happens when the parents (or one of them) are frankly negative (dark) - despots who commit violence and destroy the feelings and fate of their child. This is a more difficult situation, but here you can also learn not to be offended.
In this case, the only thing that will help change the situation for the better is the elimination of the karmic root cause (sin), for which such parents are given to you. Next, you need to untie those or other with these people (with parents) and say goodbye. The root cause can best be identified by a good one. If you have just such a situation - I will help you with the contacts of the Spiritual Healer.
4. Everyone here on Earth is, first of all, a student who learns to live, fight and win, develop, build relationships, love, forgive, commit acts, mistakes, realize them and correct them. And everyone has the right to make a mistake! As I already wrote - there are no angels and saints on Earth, they are all in Heaven. Therefore, you should not take on the role of God or the supreme Judge of the whole world and decide the fate of people, judge everyone right and left. This is a heavy and not grateful burden that will not bring a single drop of benefit and satisfaction to you or your loved ones.
Your parents, just like you, are not perfect, with their weaknesses, delusions, bad habits and cockroaches in their heads))) Just like you, they can be offended, give in to pride, give in to some temptations and weaknesses. But it is their fate and lessons and their responsibility. And you have your own responsibility, which includes, among other things, what you let into your heart, and what you don’t let in, what you carry in it (gratitude, kindness and Light or resentment, cold and anger).
It’s no secret that the souls of your parents may be younger and less wise than yours. And the spiritual that is obvious to you, for them - is incomprehensible. It happens that children at the age of 7 are more mature spiritually than their primitive materialized parents. And it is useless to be offended by it. They are simply at a lower stage of spiritual development. It just so happened, fewer incarnations lived on Earth, fewer lessons passed, less knowledge gained, qualities revealed, etc. And perhaps it is you, with your love and wisdom, that will be the vehicle through which their souls can eventually rise to the next stage of their development.
Therefore, learn to give the right to make mistakes to your parents. But let me remind you that this does not mean that you should justify their weaknesses and the evil that is being committed. This means that with all the external principles, internally you maintain good nature in relation to them and do not condemn them (do not generate negative).
Exercise to work through grievances against your parents:
1. The composition, first by itself to the beloved “I accept my imperfection”. It can begin like this - “I accept my imperfection, I give myself the right to make a mistake. Life on Earth is a great school for everyone and for me too, I am mistaken and do not reproach myself for this, I am not destroying myself, I am correcting mistakes, I am becoming stronger, wiser and I am moving on, I am learning not to judge myself, but to support myself in difficult times trials of fate, mistakes and failures ... ”. Continue further yourself. Write a detailed essay and read it calmly and meaningfully at least 2 times. You will be surprised how much this will affect you and your attitude towards others.
Why is this done? In order to learn not to judge others, you first need to learn not to judge yourself.
2. An essay in relation to parents can begin as follows: “I accept - my dad and mother are not saints, and are not obliged to be such, they, like everyone else, can be wrong, and inevitably wrong, and have every right to do so given to each from Above, they also learn and someday they will realize their mistakes, and I wish their souls, first of all, spiritual growth, open communication with God and His protection, that He leads them to truth, to truth, to wisdom, to Light, etc., I wish them well. They are the same children of God, like me, and his disciples, like all people on Earth, let them learn, let them do things, correct mistakes and become wiser, I no longer condemn them, I forgive them ... ”
Quite often, children for a long time hold a grudge against their parents. Perhaps they want to get rid of her, get free, however, it does not work out. Resentment becomes a problem causing numerous complexes. Children can do nothing. Resentment overlay, poison life, are an obstacle to open feelings. Transferred resentment can become a serious injury.
How to forgive parents for old children's grievances?
Feelings do not have a limitation period. Unpleasant childhood situations can live in memory for many years. Previously, they were considered by the child as an unjustly upset, insult. He experienced negatively colored emotions. He harbored anger at the offender, felt sorry for himself, cried quietly. In such a situation, it is difficult to make corrections, unlike reproach, claims when there is still hope of a possible change.
Children's resentment is a bitter feeling that destroys the soul. She does not allow to calm down. It makes you constantly mentally scroll through the situation. This feeling appears when the expectations of the child are not consistent with adult behavior.
Children's resentment is accompanied by a change:
- facial expressions;
- intonation;
- mood.
Parents often teach insults:
- pity children when they are offended;
- forbid babies to show emotions;
- themselves express, demonstrate resentment.
Do not forget, life does not always consist of positive aspects. Life experience is formed over the years. The emotions experienced in childhood make a person what he is.
How to forget insults to parents?
First of all, you should find the reason why everything happened. Try to understand her. Analyze adult behavior at that time. Reflect on whether they could have acted differently.
- it should be remembered: parents are ordinary people. It is common for every person to make mistakes, which must be forgiven, for they also forgive you;
- think about the good things parents did. After analyzing, there will be much more good deeds than offensive ones. Perhaps this will cause forgiveness;
- quite often, hidden grievances against parents prevent one from building relationships with the opposite sex, creating a family, and finding friends. You should let go of resentment, live in harmony with yourself, others;
- you must remember: parents are not eternal. Keeping resentment, children forget to say words of love, gratitude, appreciation;
- talking with parents also helps. Having expressed what has accumulated in the soul, you come to understand that relief comes.
Think about what the parents did offensively. If you did not understand your actions, punished, beaten, it will be a lesson not to do this with your children. When you are emotionally attuned to this thought, resentment will noticeably decrease. To do this is not easy, however, it is quite realistic if the desire to overcome grievances is great.
Forgiving parents of long-standing childhood grievances, a person is cleansed morally, physically, comes into harmony with himself, the world around him.
It should be remembered more often good, children's resentment will leave.
How to forgive my mother for children's insults?
This is a difficult question. The wound in the heart bleeds, does not heal for many years. One explanation: mom is the most dear person in everyone’s life.
If the son, daughter, expecting the mother to repent, expresses all the boils, and she takes it with hostility, the person remains unsatisfied. He is looking for a target resembling a mother, to subsequently pour negative emotions on her. For him, it will be the same mother only in a different guise. This situation lasts a lifetime. It is very important for moral balance to forgive the mother for children's insults.
How to forgive a mother for children's insults:
Compare your life with school. Certain lessons have to be learned. They help in the future to live without mistakes, move forward. Not every mother controls her speech. The spoken word instead of protection sometimes seriously injures children.
Learn a lesson, do not criticize the appearance of the child, his lack of abilities. Mother's abusive words remain a stigma for life. Resentment will become a complex. Only forgiveness can reduce this pain.
Put yourself in the shoes of mom. Try to live the situation in the place of your mother. Everyone believes that he always comes from good intentions. Finds an excuse in everything. It should be understood why she did so, and not otherwise. This may be a difficult step, but it must be done.
Imagine yourself a lawyer. Look for arguments, reduce mother's term of imprisonment, appointed in childhood. Then you had the role of prosecutor and victim. In this situation, you look at your children's grievances from the side. Detachment will help to look at everything with different eyes.
Try to increase self-esteem. The methods can be very different:
- when merit, success is recognized by others;
- rise up the social ladder;
- allow yourself to buy expensive things;
- cope with what is not under the force of the rest.
Only having come into harmony with oneself, resolving internal conflicts, realizing that there is no need to prove anything to anyone, does the person gradually release the pain, forgive the mother for children's insults.
He plunges into complete freedom of sensations, self-love. He does not notice the strings that his mother pulled. The fear of offending the child, repeating the actions of the mother will go away.
Why is a man offended like a child?
Quite often you can hear that a woman is difficult to understand, her opinion, mood changes every minute. However, male psychology also has features.
A man knows how to be offended, does this no less than the representative of the fair sex. He recalls in such moments a child. His actions sometimes cause bewilderment even for himself. To understand the reasons, observe it, analyze the situation.
Attentive attitude of a woman to her partner helps to avoid quarrels, grievances and conflicts.
Reasons for children's resentment of men:
- in a woman. She resembles a mother, constantly terrorized in childhood. Also offends, humiliates in public;
- insulting a man trying to attract attention. He shows by all appearances to be pitied, caressed, and said a warm word. In this case, resentment acts as a method of struggle for attention;
- hypersensitivity, vulnerability. He takes offense at every little thing, every spoken word. It is important to note this feature in a man in time;
- heightened self-esteem. He will not tolerate jokes even from the side of close people. His dignity is the highest asset. Most likely, from childhood, his mother instilled in him the thought: he is the best.
As you can see, the character of a man is formed in childhood under the influence of numerous factors. Resentment at this age is very strong. He can unknowingly carry them through life. They form his relationship with others.
Resentment is manifested by a heavy burden, which has to be constantly carried with you. Such an emotion is strong among her similar sensations. It is layered in the subconscious for many years. Tears, self-pity, hatred of the mother are considered negative factors. Problems have a huge impact on well-being, character. Resentment can cause psychosomatic disorders.
Resentment and problems with the law. Children's grievances, as the reason for the appearance of a maniac, are often considered common. The basis is a dysfunctional childhood. Terrible education contributed to the birth of pathology. My heart was filled with hatred for others, myself. However, outwardly these are intelligent, understanding, well-mannered men.
Children's grievances, complexes have left an imprint on their psyche. In adulthood, the offender seeks to assert themselves at the expense of others, humiliating, insulting. Such people manipulate souls, look for weaknesses, and use them for their own purposes. They do not forgive parents for children's insults, their psyche is disturbed, sometimes it is difficult to control.
It is important to learn to get rid of insults, forgive offenders. Positive feelings will allow you to look differently at close relatives, yourself. Having forgiven parents for children's insults, you will feel how much easier it has become to live.
Good afternoon, dear readers! Relations with parents do not always add up simply and easily. But these are the closest and dearest people on the planet. What to do, what to do if there is a grudge against parents of adult children? Today I propose to deal together with the causes of resentment, discuss what options are there to establish communication and what guilt can lead to.
Parents do not choose
I’ll tell you one interesting story. One girl was very pleased with her mother. The father left them in childhood, and the mother tried to become a girlfriend for her girl. All classmates were terribly jealous and said that her mother is the best in the world.
The girl thought so for a very long time. But when she got older, she realized that mom-friend behaves not as a parent, but as a friend. As a result, these relations fell apart, and the mother stopped communicating with the girl because of deep resentment.
There are a huge number of problems in the relationship between children and adults. Manipulation, lack of attention, excessive custody, domestic violence and so on ad infinitum. Parents can even unknowingly inflict a deepest spiritual wound on their child.
Since mom and dad are not chosen, children need to choose the option of communication. Some adapt and behave the way mom and dad want it.
Others choose the tactics of stiff defense of their personal space. Someone, in general, stops all communication. It all depends on your desire and capabilities.
In psychology, there is a very interesting direction - transactional analysis. If you do not delve into the theory, and talk only about the possible options for people to communicate, then we will find three states of a person: parent, adult, child. Thus, we get nine possible contacts.
Mom and Dad very rarely choose for themselves the tactics of "adult". They almost always behave like "parents", considering you to be a "child", regardless of age. Of course, you need to try to translate communication into a state of "adult-adult". But this does not always work out.
I offer your attention to the article "". Since parents are not chosen, children have to do their best to make communication comfortable for both parties.
Reason for resentment
The reasons why children are offended by their moms and dads are endless.
They took away their favorite toy in childhood, forbidden to see friends, their father was rude, they did not fulfill their promise, and so on. You can figure out your case yourself. But a good assistant in this matter will be a psychologist. He will be able to look from the side at errors in communication between you and your father or mother. Do not forget that more often both sides are guilty.
If the problem lies on the surface, you understand perfectly well why you are offended, then solving the situation is not so difficult. Any story should be complete. Resentment, guilty feelings develop into aggression and bitterness on a person. Until you close the question, you will continue to experience negative emotions, communication will be strained and forced.
If your resentment is not so open and simple, then it will be much more difficult to solve the situation. One of my clients came up with a question: I feel an inexplicable and unreasonable anger at my father. She completely did not understand why this was happening, but for many years it nibbled on her inside.
As we interacted, we slowly dug into the truth. As a result, it turned out that in childhood, her father punished her for an imperfect misconduct. All this time, a sense of injustice and resentment for undeserved punishment sat in her.
I really do not recommend you delving into the depths of your subconscious on your own. The main problem may be that you open the problem, but you cannot close it correctly. Then the consequences will be very sad. Do not be afraid to seek help from a specialist.
Another reason for resentment against a mother or father can be manipulated by them. In the article "" I consider this problem in great detail. If you feel the control and power of one of the parents, be sure to read it.
Close the situation
We approached the question of how to forget children's grievances, build relationships, how to respect our parents if you feel negative about them.
The answer lies in closing the problem. If you understand perfectly well what mother’s act makes you feel uncomfortable and restless, then a frank and honest conversation will be the solution.
Remember that the conversation will be unpleasant and difficult. This requires some effort on your part.
Firstly, to speak clearly, concisely and as objectively as possible. Explain your position, talk about the act that greatly offended you. Express your thoughts and feelings related to this situation. Do not raise your voice, do not blame or push on your mother or father. Speak calmly and relaxed.
If the conversation does not help you get rid of this feeling, then you can try to let go of the situation.
First, forgive the mother. It’s not necessary to tell her about it. Forgive her for herself.
Secondly, to understand that you are no longer a child, that situation was a long time ago and now should not affect your happiness and communication with your parents.
Try putting yourself in the place of your father and look at this story through his eyes. Try to feel all his emotions related to the problem. Why did he do that? What prompted him to such an act? This will help you look at the matter not only from one side.
Do not forget that you choose in what way to communicate with your parents. Rare and short meetings will be more filled with warmth and affection. When you do not see each other for a long time, you manage to get bored. And at a meeting you will not have time to sort things out.
If you are completely unbearable for communication with your mother and you are considering stopping to see each other completely, then I recommend that you not rush into such a decision. Try to contact a psychologist who will tell you different solutions to the problem.
After all, you can stop communicating at any time, but it is not always possible to establish it.
In the article "" you will find a large number of useful, practical and interesting tips that can help you establish a healthy and harmonious contact.
If you want to be more savvy in matters of relations with parents, I recommend that you choose the literature you like and expand your views on this problem. From this link you can find what suits you best - https://www.ozon.ru/
What act offended you? Why are you angry with your parents? How do you fight this? Tell, share your story with us. Together, finding a solution to the problem is much easier!
Patience and peace to you!
