“When I first told my husband that I want a child, he pretended not to hear me. The second time, he snapped: “Stop saying nonsense, this is not funny!” After a dozen attempts, he realized that it was not a whim or a joke, but still continued to refuse. Every time we saw a pregnant woman or a pram on the street, his face expressed a mixture of disgust and guilt. And yet I tried to understand him. I was sure that, plunging into the world of his fears, I could still convince him to agree. ”
30-year-old Maria was right, trusting intuition. The reasons why a man does not want to become a father are many, and if you try to understand them, you can make your partner change his point of view.
Words of encouragement
Bad ecology, a small apartment, career problems ... All of these arguments can be dealt with. Often enough to explain to a partner, even the most adamant, that the most important thing for a child is to be loved.
The next step is to influence the expectation of the future father, assuring him that if you chose him, then you are sure that he is able to make the child happy.
“As soon as the baby arrives, goodbye to romantic dinners and impromptu weekends. Instead, you have to get up at night when the baby is sick, take him to his school every morning, in short, home life in slippers. No, thank you! ”If the partner is afraid of losing freedom, explain to him that the appearance of the baby will not turn everyday life into a prison life if properly organized.
So the 29-year-old Sofia convinced her husband Fedor: “I found a nanny even before the conception of Jan. And when the conversation was about money, she repeated that we both work, which means that we don’t have to give up most of our habits ... Not to mention the excellent and free nanny - my mother is at our complete disposal. ”
Men are frightened by the burden of responsibility. They are afraid to be not up to the mark and worry about the thought of “failing” the exam with fatherhood.
And yet: what scares many men? The burden of responsibility. They are afraid to be not up to par and worry about the thought of “failing” the exam with fatherhood. How can this fear be overcome? Stop dramatizing. Anxiety will pass sooner or later, like many myths of youth that fade with age.
Another common reason is fear of aging. 34-year-old Mark in every possible way fences himself from the thought of changes in their married couple: “For me, to become a parent means to turn from Mark to Mark Grigorievich. When Ira told me that she wanted a baby, I was in a panic. This is childishness, I understand, but the first thing that came to my mind is that now I will have to abandon my beloved Volkswagen Karmann and ride a small car! ”
Excitement is our method
What should be the solution? It is possible to show someone who doubts that becoming a father and not stop being young and loved at the same time. List him friends who took this important step and managed to remain themselves. And you can spur his narcissism, arguing that paternity will only make him more attractive: after all, women melt and die before a man with a child.
Play on his passion. “I did not want to force him to anything. She simply suggested that everything be decided in a natural way. She stopped taking contraceptives, and we were expecting a child without changing our family life. I became pregnant after two years, and my husband was delighted to find out that I was in a position, ”says Marianna, 27.
Two symbolic cases
Men, like Dmitry, 40, do not trust women for whom motherhood is becoming an obsession. “Sofia said she wants a baby, just three months after we started dating. It seemed to me that it was too much! At 35, she already heard the “ticking” of her biological clock, and I felt trapped. And asked her to wait. " Indeed, often women involved in careers invest all their time in work in order to “wake up” by the age of 40 and panic, terrorizing not only themselves, but also their husband.
Men who already have children from their first marriage are gnawed by guilt over the thought that they can “give birth” to another child
And here is another typical situation: men who already have children from their first marriage are guilty because of the thought that they can “give birth” to another child. They cannot plan a new offspring, while his firstborn is growing far away. They equate divorce to abandoning children. In such cases, one should not rush. Give him time to endure the “mourning” of his previous marriage until the end and realize that he left only his wife, but not his children.
When a man identifies with a child
“Do the following test: ask the mother whom she will save in the first place if a flood occurs: a husband or a child. She will instinctively answer: "A child, because he needs me more." This is what infuriates me the most. I want to live with a woman who would save me! The thought that I will have to share my wife with my child, even though he is mine, is also pissing me off, ”said 38-year-old Timur. “That’s why I don’t want children: I am completely not happy with the supporting role.”
These words are commented by psychoanalyst Mauro Mancha: “Everything becomes complicated if the husband begins to symbolically take the place of his son. Perceiving his relationship with a mother-son type woman, he will not tolerate another child standing between them. Also in such pathological relationships, the problem of disclaimer again arises. Having returned emotionally to the state of the child, the man will not be able to assume the responsibility inherent in an adult. ”
At the same neurotic level are those who, with the birth of a child, again live the ancient “fraternal hostility” - rivalry with their younger brother for parental attention. With the advent of a child, such men feel rejected and abandoned, as in childhood, and cannot even bear the thought of having to relive this experience again.
The unresolved Oedipus complex is also the reason for the unwillingness to become a father. It comes to the fact that a man becomes impotent because of the possible motherhood of the spouse. He cannot make love to a woman who cares only about diapers and breastfeeding. Because his mother is his first love, however this love is taboo and is considered incest. If her own woman becomes a mother, relations with her will return to the framework of incest, something forbidden, which the man will no longer desire.
Perceiving his relationship with a mother-son type woman, he will not tolerate another child standing between them.
Another version of the oedipal problem is the phallic obsession with a woman, an omnipotent mother. Thus, having a baby means giving her the symbolic equivalent of the phallus, that is, strength and power. To refuse to do this means to “castrate” her.
It is obvious that the two types of failure described are the most difficult to resolve, the problem from which they come is too serious and deep. You can try to temporarily disperse in order to put everything in its place. Sometimes such a break may allow us to raise again the question of the initial causes of refusal, however, there is a risk that, as a result, a man will experience the birth of a child negatively if he does not first have a deep psychological analysis of the situation.
Perhaps the only effective way to get around this “no to fatherhood” is to convince the partner of the need for therapy.
When the past closes the door to fatherhood
The refusal of the 37-year-old Boris is very decisive: “The only thing I remember about my father is beatings, cruelty and hatred. In the evenings, I fell asleep, dreaming that he would disappear from my life. At 16, I left home and did not see him again. It’s unthinkable for me to bring a child into the world, I would be afraid to expose him to what I suffered from. ”
The 36-year-old Pavel, on the contrary, suffered from his father’s absence in his childhood: “I was raised by my mother, aunts and grandmothers. My father left us when I was three years old. I really missed him. I do not believe in family life to the grave. Why should I have a child with a woman whom I can theoretically divorce from and never see her again? ”
The idea of \u200b\u200bbecoming a father makes them relive their monstrous relationship with their own fathers.
But for the 34-year-old Denis, the refusal is categorical at all: “I was born by chance, from parents who did not recognize me. So why should I have a child with such experience? ”
It is difficult for these men to fit into the ranks of their fathers. The idea of \u200b\u200bbecoming a father makes them relive their monstrous relationship with their own fathers. In the case of such a past, it is dangerous to insist. Whether the partner dares to undergo therapy and analyze the situation in order to delve into his unresolved problems and find a key that could open the door to him in serene paternity depends on him.
Start with yourself
Never get things wrong
The idea of \u200b\u200bstopping birth control without asking for the partner’s opinion and thus imitating a “random” conception does not seem so crazy to many women. And yet: does a woman have the right to make such a decision alone? “This is a ghost of partogenesis: not wanting a man’s participation in procreation,” says psychotherapist Corradina Bonafade. “Such women embody maternal omnipotence.”
Are you sure that it is the husband who does not want children, and not you yourself? And do you happen to come across just this type of men every time?
To ignore a man’s desire in this way is to deceive him and show disrespect. After such an act, the risk that a man leaves the family after the birth of a child imposed on him increases greatly. What, then, to tell the child in the near future? "Father did not want you, it was I who made you conceive him"? Definitely not, because a child is the result of the love of two people, not one.
Does the man really refuse?
Are you sure that it is the husband who does not want children, and not you yourself? And do you happen to come across just this type of men every time? Often such partners are a reflection of the ambivalent attitude towards the motherhood of the woman herself. “I demanded a child from my husband, knowing that he would refuse. At heart, I didn’t want children; public opinion and friends, led by my mother, pressed me. And instead of admitting my feelings, I hid behind a husband’s refusal, ”says 30-year-old Sabina.
A 30-year-old Anna had a similar reaction while they were undergoing family therapy. “One of the tasks was to analyze various photographs from magazines. My husband and I had to choose those photos, which in our understanding are most associated with children, family, etc. I unexpectedly discovered that I was choosing disturbing pictures: a disabled child, the tear-stained face of an elderly woman, a hospital bed ... I realized that I was obsessed with images of death. I was finally able to talk about my fear of giving birth, about the horror of the idea that I can bring a child with serious physical disabilities or illness into the world. In fact, I projected on my husband my own unwillingness to become a mother. ”
I want a child, but no man.
Hello dear girls!
Your advice is very necessary. And the opinion of women who already have children is especially important for me.
I am 36 years old, I have never been married and never, no children. Life goes fast, it so happened that by the age of 36 I could not start a family, although I tried very hard (popular print with a happy daddy who loves her children, tightly in my mind - I will not erase it). A few years ago, I decided for myself that God bless him with marriage, let there be at least a child. The thought may seem wild to someone, but I have many divorced friends who raise children alone. How I envy them, how I regret that I was once too careful.
But to decide is one thing, but to realize, as it turned out, is quite another. About five years ago, I thought by deceit to provoke one of the former young people to dangerous sex. But,having read comments that lying is bad for anyone, I decided to talk honestly. The result is deplorable. Of the three men (and all of them are free, without children), with whom I managed to maintain good relations for many years, no one agreed. Relations are spoiled, but it seems that my nerves completely lost.
She tried to persuade a man whom she had recently started dating. He seemed to agree in principle, but one thing, then another. So put off every month, and as soon as I tried to be more insistent: there is no erection, and that’s it. Both on the nerves. I was scared for him and for my health, I left the man alone (in fact, as I recall this nightmare, she begins to shake, what kind of relationship is there). So another year has passed.
In short, for five years I have not achieved a single chance to get pregnant. It would be funny if it were not so sad.
I know about artificial insemination. But the legs do not go there - to have a baby, without seeing a man in the eye ... I walk in circles, every month hoping for a miracle.
Now I had an idea to turn to a man whom I’m just dating for sex (understand correctly: I treat him very well and value our relationship). Turn to him as a friend, ask for help. I had once suggested that he give birth to a child - he refused (it seems like, children should be born only of love, but it is not), but then the relationship was also implied. Maybe, if you approach from the other side, put the accents correctly - who knows, suddenly agrees? Only where to get the strength for such a conversation - I break into hysteria at the very thought.
How to find the right words (I haven’t succeeded so many times) that I can offer him to want to help me? This is my question! Lovely women, write your options or any thoughts on this topic.
Thanks!
NataNata (Russia)
Question to the psychologist
Good afternoon! My name is Nadezhda, I’m 25 years old, I have been living with a young man for a year now, he’s 34. He was married, he has a child, and there are a lot of novels before me. I have little experience in relationships, this is generally the first person with whom I began to live together, before that I lived alone. He made me an offer, really wants a child, gives me presents and flowers.
For the last 2 months we have been cursing and scandalous, I have no more strength.
It all started with the fact that I had a terrible jealousy and distrust of him that he did not speak, I always doubt his words. This is due to the fact that I found an SMS in his phone (I know it’s not beautiful, but I couldn’t help it) where he writes the girl “My sun, get well” (he was in the hospital recently), the other writes “Come on, when will you arrive” and more a couple of dubious SMS.
The one who wrote my sun, he calls up to her, sometimes, usually whispers in the toilet, but this is not often. And there were a few cases when he lied. One example, for example, is that when he started dating me, at that time he had not finished his past relationship, which I certainly did not know about. He didn’t answer these SMS messages as affectionately as they wrote to him, but he doesn’t write to me in principle. I can’t tell him that I read his SMS on the phone, I keep everything inside myself, this makes me feel bad, complain about him, scandal (((at some point he told me that he didn’t want to go home, because I didn’t I’m happy, I tried to prove that discontent has a reason !!! In general, I’m so tired and so tormented that I don’t have strength. I want to be with him, but I don’t trust a person very hard! Help, what should I do?
terrible jealousy
Hope, your jealousy hides fears, self-doubt and thus manifests your "ability to love, but not behave in such a way as to be loved."
Sincerely, Kiselevskaya Svetlana, psychologist, master.
Good answer2 Bad answer1Nadia ... After all, the problem is not in MCH .. Not in his life .. But in you .. In your internal problems ... It seems to me that this is not the first time you experience this feeling of mistrust .. But .. This is a matter of psychotherapy. Now I want to say that you are doing everything to remain alone .. The man chose you? Lives with you? So, you are dear to him .. There were! Until they changed and began to be a grumpy and always dissatisfied wife, even before the wedding. And then what will happen? Will you control him? Follow? I am afraid, in this situation, MCH bvmtro refuse his offer .. Therefore! I think it would be better to turn to a psychologist and about to work your problems with him, and not with a man, he is not a simulator for your internal conflicts, understand? He is with you because it is his choice .. Want to stay with him and BUILD love, relationships? Build then, do not break! Then, honestly, urgently for psychotherapy .. After all, if you take yourself more than once, with your fears, distrust, not only will this run away, you will play with all the others according to the same scenario .. Here’s the point that scary .. Contact, if that, I'm on Skype!
Polonskaya Olga Borisovna, psychologist Nizhny Novgorod
Good answer2 Bad answer0 
Hello, Hope! let's see what happens:
he is 34. He was married, he has a child, and a lot of novels before me.
it is important for you to KNOW - what partner is in front of you - for this you need NOT to think over - but allow yourself to see the whole picture of what is happening - what kind of person is he? What kind of communication is normal for him? How does he build relationships with his ex-wife? what was the reason for the divorce? how to build relationships with a child? the more you KNOW about the person, WHAT is normal for him, the more expected his reactions and behavior!
therefore, you need to make out what happens between you and what it is, what kind of person it is!
He made me an offer, really wants a child, gives me presents and flowers.
all this does NOT mean serious intentions - you expect other behavior from him, you expect that the man will be more serious and responsible, that his family, marriage, his girlfriend will be important, and NOT that he will flirt from other women and support him!
For the last 2 months we have been cursing and scandalous, I have no more strength.
reason for quarrels? it seems that you are silent and DO NOT explain to him the real reason for your dissatisfaction, as a result, he DOESN’T understand why you have such a bad mood and, accordingly, your attitude to him and as a result of these omissions, your relationship will be destroyed!
i got terrible jealousy and distrust of him that he did not speak, I always doubt his words.
here it’s also important to make out what partner you ultimately choose and what kind of relationship you keep - you are jealous, afraid to be deceived and faithful, and you can choose the partner you are in relationship with whom you will maintain this tension and constant pain - t .e. it is YOU who choose it yourself, why? therefore it is VERY important to see objectively - WHAT is happening and what it is! Does YOUR fear speak in YOU or is your partner really immature and cannot build the relationships you are waiting for!
i found an SMS in his phone (I know it’s not beautiful, but I couldn’t help it) where he writes the girl “My sun, get well soon” (he was in the hospital recently), the other writes “Come on when you arrive” and a couple of dubious SMS.
it means NORMAL TO him that he allows him to write and address himself - BUT - what does it mean UNKNOWN - so far you have thought of everything for yourself - talk to him what kind of communication from the side you observe, how he communicates with other people, how many surrounded by girls?
when he began to meet with me, at that time he had not finished his past relationship, which of course I did not know.
and this also adds fuel to your heated jealousy and fear - after all, there is a basis - you saw that he MAY change and do something behind his partner’s back (he began a relationship with you, but for now he was on the other) and naturally, be afraid of repetition and in every letter, correspondence, appeal you will see a potential threat - BECAUSE you can expect this from a PARTNER! in the end - you still choose this relationship, where you maintain your jealousy, your fears and insecurities - why?
I can’t tell him that I read his SMS on the phone, I keep everything inside myself, this makes me feel bad, complain about him, scandal (((at some point he told me that he didn’t want to go home, because I didn’t satisfied, I tried to prove that discontent has a reason!
and you NEED to talk about it - it turns out, you have figured it out for yourself so far, believe in it, don’t tell him, pour your negativity on it - i.e. and YOU your own behavior can lead to what you fear! therefore, it’s important for you to see what partner you’re thinking about, are you ready to accept it that way? see YOURSELF in a relationship and work on your fears, learn to defend yourself, and not through jealousy for a partner!
Hope, if you really decide to figure out what is happening - you can feel free to contact me - call me, I successfully work with similar problems in relationships - I will be glad to help you!
Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow
Good answer2 Bad answer3The question of whether men want children, when exactly they begin to want and under what conditions, excites almost every woman. It happens that this particular factor becomes decisive for a woman when choosing a partner. How to understand that a man wants to have a child from his beloved woman?
There are situations when a man does not want to have children. But at the same time, he treats a woman well and even agrees to marriage. What to do in such a situation?
How to understand that a man does not mind having a child?
The easiest way - ask him about it. But this method is not always possible and not always informative.For example, at the stage of the beginning of your novel, asking about a child may frighten away your chosen one, who has not yet matured for a serious relationship. But after just a year or two, he could very well start a conversation about the child. Therefore, you should not rush things - everything has its time.
But few women would like to wait a couple of years, and then find out that a man does not want to have a baby in principle and never intended to do this, that he is happy with everything in your relationship.
There is a reverse situation - a man says that he wants a child, but as soon as he is born, it turns out that he is not at all ready for fatherhood and does not want to make absolutely no effort to become a father in the full understanding of this word - to spend with the child a lot of time to help my wife, not to run away at the first difficulties.
Therefore, before you become pregnant or have a serious relationship with a man, it is worth checking how he relates to children and the question of whether to start them.
A man wants a child: signs
1. He is not averse to tinkering with other people's kids
It happens that a man does not tolerate other people's children, but then with pleasure subsequently tinkers with his own. But the reverse situation, when he likes to babysit other people's children, but does not meet with his own - does not occur. Therefore, if he willingly plays with other people's crumbs (godchildren, nephews, children of friends), this is almost an absolute guarantee that he is ready to become a father.2. He grew up in a large family
Not that this is an absolute indicator, but ... Relentless statistics show that children who grew up surrounded by sisters and brothers, growing up, are better psychologically prepared for the birth of their own children and want to have at least one child (but more often - two or more).3. He loves you
Not always one goes hand in hand with the other, but still - from a beloved woman, a man most often wants a child.4. He trusts you about contraception
If a man categorically does not want a child, he will try to protect himself on all fronts. Sometimes it comes to the point that the partner puts the crushed birth control pills to her friend for breakfast or dinner in order to protect herself from the birth of the heir for sure. But regular use of condoms (even if you say that you are also protected) is a sad sign. Most likely, your man does not want a child. Anyway, bye.5. He grew up in a complete family
A man who grew up only with his mother will subconsciously fear the role of his father - because he does not know what it feels like to be a father. If he grew up in a complete family, where the relationship between husband and wife was warm and loving (this is very important!), Then he will not be afraid to become a father himself.6. He has a good relationship with his mother
It is the mother who prepares her son for future fatherhood. This happens gradually, that is, of course, she does not give him any instruction. But it is a loving mother who took good care of her son that becomes the starting point for him to create a good family in which he will be a loving husband and caring father. The exception is "sissy sissies." Such seldom make good fathers.7. He already has children, and he treats them well.
The husband’s relationship with the children from his first marriage is very revealing. If he treats them well, then he will treat the children who give birth to him to you, he will be no worse. On the other hand, problems in relationships with older children are not necessarily transferred to your joint child.If a man wants a child - what does it mean?
If he himself tells you about his desire to have a baby, or you catch on many grounds that he is not against having children, this means that you will not have problems in this area. Nevertheless, we advise you to prepare a man for the birth of your common baby in advance - so that the future dad does not hover in the clouds, but immediately prepares for the harsh everyday life of parenthood.
Although you need to do this gradually and gently, so as not to discourage him from becoming a dad. Watch movies together, attend future parents' courses, and often visit families with small children.
A man does not want children: what to do?
Understanding that a man does not want to have children is usually straightforward. He does not tolerate the presence of squealing peanuts and neighbors mischievous, pulls you away from shops for pregnant women and babies, cuts off all your attempts to talk about the future heir at a glance.What to do? Accept?
To have no children is a crime, and to have is a punishment.
Konstantin Melihan
To begin with, leave for a while all attempts to directly persuade your man to have a baby. If his reluctance to become a dad is so great and obvious, then he would rather part with a woman who imposes fatherhood on him than decide on your pregnancy. If you do not intend to lose your man, you have to act by cunning.
Step 1. We completely abandon conversations on the topic of children, direct and indirect allusions to this.
A man should lose his vigilance and believe that you also abandoned the idea of \u200b\u200bhaving a baby.Step 2. We are looking for workarounds.
This may be the consent to become the godmother of a toddler girlfriend, or spending time with a little nephew, etc. That is, a baby should appear in your life - but not yours yet. Important! You should not attract a man by force to care or playing for someone else's crumbs. He must ripen on it himself.It is good if the child is not quite small - it is better to be 5 years old or older. With it, you can go fishing, repair a car or a scooter, play outdoor or logic games. Perhaps, from this point of view, your man has not considered paternity before. If such a pastime is to his liking, then he can mature into his own child.
Step 3. After visiting the gynecologist, tell your husband that your reproductive function has begun to fade.
Recently, such a diagnosis is often made to women who have not even turned 30 years old. Inform as if by chance, without making this a big tragedy. What threatens such a misfortune is understandable.You have very little time left for the birth of a child. After that, remain calm as if the diagnosis did not concern you. A man must digest this news himself and once and for all decide whether he needs a child from you or not.
Step 4. Get a good financial position.
Perhaps the failure of a man to have children is due to his fear that he will not be able to support them. If the family already has a house or apartment, two cars and other material goods, fear will recede. It’s good if you have your own business. Sooner or later, the husband will think about who will continue his business in the future.Epilogue
There is no universal answer to the question why men do not want children. Someone is afraid of responsibility, someone does not want to let someone else into your happy family, someone is not sure that he can provide a worthy future for the heir. According to psychologists, all these fears can be overcome. And the beloved woman, wise and patient, should help in this. Who, if not you, can understand the fears of a loved one and help him get rid of them? Do not rush things, and over time, the long-awaited baby will certainly appear in your family.Perhaps the reason is the rapidly flying years or the disappointment that the pregnancy was not confirmed. Or maybe you want to feel like a woman in full, having experienced all the joys and sorrows of motherhood, but more and more often there is a disturbing thought: “I want a child, but there is no man ...”
Representatives of the stronger sex can feel the joy of fatherhood and at a very advanced age. Newspapers and web pages from time to time give news about newly made folders for 70, or even 80 years. And it’s not customary for men to somehow worry that they will not have time to complete the last - and most important - point from the necessary life program "house, tree, heir".
The biological clock
For women, the situation is different. The biological clock is ticking, and with every passing year the alarm is increasing: “Will I be able to become a mother?” After 40 years, the ability to get pregnant is sharply reduced, and not every family can afford the artificial insemination process.
Therefore, in a marriage, a conflict often arises on the basis of the fact that the girl is already ripe for the birth of the baby, and the husband wants to enjoy life and live only for himself for several years.
Prohibited Methods
Negotiations are not always successful, and sometimes wives have to resort to not the most honest methods, for example, "forget" to drink a birth control pill.
We will not discuss the moral side of the issue now. Deceiving her husband is very bad, but perhaps achieving the goal in the form of a pretty little pean will justify this little deception.
Have a baby or not?
And yet, it is easier for married young ladies. And what about lonely girls who also dream of a baby? To give birth or not, is the question? And a woman must make this difficult decision herself, so as not to say years later: “Because of my mother, I was left alone in old age. She, only she is to blame. ”
Before you begin to put into practice the decision to give birth to one baby, you need to clearly weigh for yourself the reasons for this act. It is not serious to give birth only because there is no one to come to visit in old age, or for the reason that all friends have a child, and you only have a cat.
Suppose, after much deliberation, a positive decision has been made. I’d like to be a child, in the very near future. There is a place for nesting, and there is even a bank account that will allow you to survive in a difficult maternity period.
Where to get father
But there is one small problem. Even the most independent business woman will not be able to do without a biological father in this matter. The question of finding a man and living with him and children happily and legally in a legal marriage is not being considered now.
If it were so easy, then this article would not have to be written. But alas, the statistics that there are not enough men and that there are more of them than women are confirmed in practice.
It will be about where to get a man who will help give birth for himself. And it is not necessary to say that women who decide to take this step are selfish people who think exclusively of themselves.
First of all, you need to decide whether to choose a natural option for conception or a medical procedure in a clinic. The decision will depend on the views of the woman, her moral principles. Each method has both advantages and pitfalls.
Situation 1. The future father of the child is married
Again, we will not condemn women who have made this difficult, without exaggeration, decision. Do you think it is a great pleasure for them to sit on the bench, dreaming that someday the baby's father will leave his family and go to her?
Such dreams occur even if the first family has three children and a beautiful wife. “But for some reason he had an affair with me,” a note of hope sounds in the girl’s voice, “it means that not everything is so smooth with him.”
In the case when a married man is chosen as a father, there is less chance of contracting an indecent disease. And, looking at his curly little daughter or blue-eyed little hero, there is a hope to get a pair of such blue eyes, so similar to his father’s eyes.
Situation 2. The future father of the child is free
This situation is still better than the previous one for moral reasons. Here a woman does not try to build her happiness on the ruins of someone else's.
Usually in this case, a man who, according to several criteria (health, intelligence, appearance) is chosen worthy of the role of a father, is a friend, colleague, son of acquaintances or a neighbor from the house opposite.
Whether to tell him directly about her desire to use him as a biological father is here again decided by a woman. Sometimes honesty causes plans to fail.
In this case, on the one hand, you have a chance to choose a biological father for your son or daughter consciously, knowing for sure his lifestyle, habits, and shortcomings. On the other hand, if you do not want to see you later with a stroller, this cannot be avoided.
Situation 3. Acquaintance at the resort
The method is relevant in our time, although it was more popular in the Soviet period. Coming from rest with a tummy, a woman has the opportunity to keep the issue of paternity a secret.
This method is associated with a share of extreme. Indeed, in order to become pregnant, you will have to take risks and agree to unprotected contact with a man, of whom nothing is known.
It doesn’t matter what he says, what an exemplary family man and loving daddy he is ready to become in the near future. You may not be the first woman to hear his recognition this season. And if you count how many there were in the past, the year before last ...
But if, after the end of the rest, you are separated by a distance of hundreds or thousands of kilometers, there is hope that the baby will be only yours, and the biological father will not even know about its existence.
Situation 4. “Artificial Daddy”
If a woman is shaken at the thought of going to bed with a man with whom she is familiar with just a couple of days, if moral principles do not allow her or her neighbor to be used, then this option remains.
In this case, you will have to pay N-th amount of money for the procedure. But you can be sure of the absence of infection "after that", and the health of the father will also be checked by medical personnel.
But if you decide on this option, you need to drop all the dreams that once the father and son will meet, they will communicate. You will have to rely entirely on your own strength. And if one day my daughter asks: “Who is my dad?”, You have to come up with a legend about a sailor who went on a voyage.
conclusions. No one argues that, ideally, you need to give birth to a child in a full-fledged family, educate him together, enjoy success and experience failure. But if you want a child and a critical age is just around the corner, and the stamp in your passport has not appeared, you should not deprive yourself of the happiness of motherhood.
Now no one will point fingers at you while walking with the baby in the park, because, unfortunately, many modern children grow up without fathers. And maybe it’s the little peanut who drags your hand along the path that will be a signal for a pretty stranger: “Here she comes, MY woman. We urgently need to get to know each other. ”
